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ChaseTheDarkness23 — Fresh start

Published: 2014-06-27 16:49:26 +0000 UTC; Views: 1639; Favourites: 10; Downloads: 3
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Description So this is just the beginning of me. I feel like my dA for commissions, art, fics, etc. has gone downhill. So, I've decided that I'm going to be doing something a little bit different. As I grow more and more into the man I will become, I've dedicated my time into taking pictures and posting something about how my progress is going. As a senior in high school, this year is really important, and I'd like to be remembered as someone I truly am; not by some mask that's glued to my face.
So to start this off, I'm just going to be writing a bit of an autobiography I suppose. So, if you're interested in knowing something new about me, just read ahead.

Hello. You probably don't really know who I am or why I'm here. But let me just explain. My name is Alexander Scott Angel, or at least that's what my new name will be in a couple of years. I'm not very comfortable putting my old name out on the internet anymore, even though a large sum of people probably know it anyway. Previous names used by my viewers on various sites, YouTube for instance, included Zel, Zelly, Midna, Axel, Sora, and Temptress. As you may know, most of these are female or unisex nicknames. I can see you're curiosity is increasing as you read more of this.
My old nicknames were from before I knew what the term 'transgender' was and meant. I am a female-to-male transgender. Born in the body of a girl but truthfully male. I am 100% pre op and pre T, meaning at the moment (physically) I am all girl. I have breasts, curves, female features, a higher voice, etc. Most of the time, I choose not to attempt to look male, for my parents' sake. My reasoning behind it is because they don't know about me. They don't know I'm transgender and they will probably never hear the words from me unless they read my posts online. However, any and all profiles they have made I blocked on Facebook, including their friends and family. I don't consider my biological parents to be my family, nor do I consider my brothers to be my family. By blood they are, but I personally feel as if my friends are the only true family I have, which is okay with me.
I'm 17 years old and I'm currently going through summer vacation. In about two months, I will be a senior in high school. I live in Cincinnati Ohio, but I travel from time to time. Some of my interests include all forms of art, exercise, reading, and cosplay. When I first started cosplaying, I had begun the road to discovering who I really am; meeting new people and discovering new things about the world. When I went to a con, it was the first time I had ever met someone else who's transgender. At the time, that was the first time I'd ever heard the name. I was curious, and I had to know what it was. When I read the wikipedia information, my heart had stopped. It was that moment that for the first time, I knew who and what I was. As a little girl, I was the odd one out. Most of my friends growing up were boys and I wasn't too interested in playing with Barbie dolls with the other girls. I often stole my brothers toys and played with their Hot Wheels cars. And as a little girl, I despised any and all pastel colors. I wore them though. (thank you mom >>)
When I hit puberty, I hit it early. I got scared because I was getting these lumps on my chest and my brothers weren't. I freaked out, and I didn't know what to do about it. When my mom told me that girls have breasts and boys don't, I was mad. I didn't ever feel like a girl. I hated it! And everytime the "red river of doom" comes, I always felt mocked and I was really depressed about it.
I tried ignoring it though, seeing as though I thought there was no such thing as a girl feeling like she was a boy. I started wearing makeup a lot more, thick thick makeup at that. I just thought that if I made it thicker, it'd cover up what I thought I was. I started dating boys a lot. Actually, believe it or not, I've had A LOT of boyfriends since I started dating. In seventh grade, I was going through that small phase where I wasn't sure what my sexuality was. I kept bouncing back and forth between straight and lesbian. I just didn't know what it was I liked. So I just ignored it and I kept dating boys.
After seventh grade, I was in the most serious relationship I'd ever been in to this day. He was the earth and heaven to me. Perfect in everyway, and I was able to call him mine. We loved each other, or at least I know that I loved him and I still do. I never did tell him about my feeling like I'm a boy, because he was completely straight. He's the one that actually told me that it was okay if I liked girls, and that's when I learned the term bisexual. I knew for sure that I liked boys, but girls are so pretty, I couldn't resist. I claimed to be bisexual for a few years until sophomore year of high school, when pansexual was told to me. I knew for sure that I had to be pansexual, because gender wasn't an issue for me at all.
however, eighth grade was when I went to my first anime convention. Three years ago. I didn't meet a whole lot of people but it was the start to when I started going to anime conventions more and more. After 2012 A&G, that's when I learned what the term transgender meant. I was a freshman in high school at that time. A year later, I decided that it was time to tell my friends. At the time, I was referring to myself as genderfluid, because being identified as either gender wasn't an issue for me. But the more people started to respect me and use male pronouns and my male name, Xander, the more my genderfluid identification was subduing. I take it highly offensively if someone refers to me as a female, asks if I "want" to be a guy, or even uses my old name/nicknames (besides a select few of people who have permission by me to use old nicknames). Whenever I meet someone new though, I always refer to myself as Xander, unless I am with my parents or brothers.
But to just finish off, My name is Alexander Scott Angel. I am a female to male transgender. I am proud of who I am and I am proud of who I will be. As I progress through the years, you will notice changes about me, because I plan on starting hormonal treatment either during or after college. I do plan on getting top surgery but I am still not quite sure on whether or not I'm going to get bottom surgery, due to various complications and it being a risk to my health. Also, if you have any questions, feel free to message me any of your questions. I will answer.

Questions I will NOT answer due to them being answered multiple times.

Q. Are you a girl?
A. Physically yes, however I am a female to male transgender teen.

Q. Do you want to be a guy?
A. I do not want anything except to be seen as the gender that I am.

Q. Why would you want to destroy such a beautiful young woman?
A. What young woman am I destroying? I've never been a woman.

Q. Did you go through some traumatic experience as a girl and now you just want to be a boy?
A. No I did not. In fact, I can't name anything that happened to me "traumatically" until high school.

Q. Were you raped and now that you know how weak a woman is you want to be a man to be "tough"
A. I have never been raped and women are not weak. I know more women who are really strong than I do men.

Q. Were you teased because of you being developed quicker?
A. No.

Q. Why do you bind? That hurts!
A. Because I don't want people to see that I have breasts.

Q. You do realize that getting a sex change is a total turn off for most people, right?
A. I'm not getting a sex change to impress someone, so if someone doesn't like that I'm not naturally a male, then fuck them.

Q. If you're physically female but mentally a male, what do you do about sex?
A. Personally I don't have sex now. I don't feel comfortable with anyone seeing my naked self because of my female body.  When I had sex with my ex girlfriend, we just used a strap on.

Q. Do you have male anatomy?
A. If the red river of doom keeps coming back, I'd suggest that my answer is no.

Q. Are you getting a sex change to fulfill some kinky fetish?
A. What kind of fetish would that even be? My answer is no. My sex change is for me.

Q. Are your parents accepting?
A. Probably not, but I haven't told them myself so I wouldn't know. Due to their religion though, my answer would be no to all trans people.

Q. Are you gay?
A. No

Q. Are you a lesbian?
A. I'd have to be a girl to be a lesbian.

Q. How does sex work when you get the sex change?
A. Look it up.

Q. If you know the risks of the surgeries then why are you still getting them?
A. Because I'll actually be comfortable in my own skin.

Q. God will hate you forever, why can't you just accept that you're a girl?
A. 1. I don't believe in God. I'm Wiccan, I believe in gods and goddesses. 2. "God" is a loving man and loves all his children. 3. I'm not a girl and I never have been.

Q. How much do all of the surgeries cost?
A. Depends on the doctor. usually between 60,000 to 120,000 dollars. Not including hormone shots/pills.

Q. Are you transgender because you want attention?
A. If I wanted attention the way I am now, I would dress like a hooker and show off my tits and ass. No, I don't want attention.
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Comments: 4

tazmike1964 [2015-01-09 19:42:58 +0000 UTC]

be strong, everything gets better.  you will one day be who you wish to be

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

CocoAndFamily [2014-06-27 17:08:23 +0000 UTC]

Cool hairs!!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ChaseTheDarkness23 In reply to CocoAndFamily [2014-06-27 19:16:03 +0000 UTC]

Thanks hon

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

CocoAndFamily In reply to ChaseTheDarkness23 [2014-06-27 20:51:13 +0000 UTC]

Yw!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0