Loza-Muse [2011-04-23 07:36:56 +0000 UTC]

awwww, i wish life where like this sometimes

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Q99 [2010-12-25 19:35:11 +0000 UTC]

Nice poem

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lnbyoman [2010-03-17 15:55:54 +0000 UTC]

I dislike poem ..but yours touch me ... realy ...TRUE

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blakrayvon [2010-02-16 01:30:44 +0000 UTC]

Going to be. . .picky. Okay, I'm sorry about just randomly popping in here and picking at one little spot in your work, which is quite beautiful, by the way, but in your line "I flew pass the corners of the city" pass should be past. You're writing in past tense and "pass" is present tense. Just a little tidbit for you.

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ruthieroars125 [2010-02-15 20:00:00 +0000 UTC]

First off, I would like to say you are fantastic with wording. Your words are to the point and direct but still sound beautiful. I really like the way you word things - esp "the corners of the city" instead of street corners. The "I was" is also great, showing how everything was static and repetitive until "you" came into the narrator's life.

However, a few things stood out to me, such as "And then I stopped" - I feel like this line would have much more emphasis if punctuated, which would force or suggest to the reader to physically pause while reading the piece.

Also, I would experiment with the placing of "And you were there" - the rest of the poem has to or three lined stanzas, and two one liners in a row felt a little... strange? I think it's fine where it is, but it may work better in other places.

I think by adding more imagery into the end poem you could add emphasis by how much "you" affected the narrator. I think this would also benefit the poem in that it wouldn't end as abruptly.

Overall, I think your wording is awesome, as is your flow. You could use more descriptions, but other than that and small details, this is a great poem and I can't wait to take a look at your other works.

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ame-kami [2010-02-14 18:44:53 +0000 UTC]

i really like this <3 it perfectly describes how you never knew you were looking for someone, and then they walk into your life and everything seems to be better and happier <3

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Kaz-D [2010-02-08 16:01:34 +0000 UTC]

You've been featured here: [link] please fav the article and take a look at the other wonderful works

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laurelindorenana [2010-02-07 11:42:02 +0000 UTC]

this is beautiful

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whim7 [2010-01-24 12:12:26 +0000 UTC]

i like the message of the poem..of hope and love(?) however i do have little problem...when you start you say the people next to me and in the end of the poem you say around me..it might just be me but i think it sounds better if you say around in the beginning as well.

also,"I was blind for the colors around me
Deaf for the noises" sounds awkward and interrupted the flow of th poem. ...i believe that instead of "for" you should put 'to'

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