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circularthinker — goodbye
Published: 2005-08-26 18:38:50 +0000 UTC; Views: 79; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 7
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at the end of the night i held onto you,and you relented, and let me come home
and we lay down together,
the last time before you would go.
your bed has been
a haven,
with your quiet company
tending
my wounds.
and i have grown to
you gave me time to, like the creeping morning,
love you.
and i wrapped you up
cause i could feel it ending.
i clutched
you to my chest,
and i kissed your mouth,
your eyelids,
and i let something out
that was hidden so deep
i had left it for dead.
and i felt it,
and it drowned me,
and my mouth formed the words,
and i meant them.
now i know you've gone,
cause i'm missing you.
and your chasing something
across the world,
and i'm losing it again.
but i'm going to try to remember
when i am going under
and my heart is shutting itself in,
that night when we were giving
you showed me
something i'd forgotten.
we are living
and i needn't weep,
i needn't grieve
for the living.
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Comments: 4
Oh, I don't give a shat about facking gramatics in poetry. It's just- well, you said yourself it annoyed you, and that's how I felt.
And yes, fucker, I will say something else about your poem.
The ending is pretty cool, but overall it reminds me of a Chad Kroeger song.
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i wish you wouldn't have called me a fucker.
i thanked you for your feedback.
i'm not familiar with his music, although i feel your remark is derogatory.
my poem means a lot to me, i feel my response was not unwarranted.
when you put art into the world you must be prepared for the response.
when you comment on someone elses work you must be prepared for the response.
i appreciate that you gave me some feedback, but don't call me a fucker anymore.
thanks.
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Why do you spell "cuz" in one place, then "cause" in another?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
it's taken right out of my journal and barely edited.
thats what i wrote when thought of whatever i was thinking.
and i don't consider this sort of thing at all while in the process of writing.
bad spelling? whatever. punctuation? whatever.
i don't think i like the word "cuz" very much, so i'm going to change it. thanks for noticing.
do you read poetry for the spelling and punctuation? what i mean is, do you have anything to say about the poem itself?
👍: 0 ⏩: 0