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DeviantArtSecret — Secret 7046
Published: 2009-08-06 11:52:43 +0000 UTC; Views: 3003; Favourites: 19; Downloads: 4
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Comments: 12
understand..
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Is there no way you could both move so you can still look after her while you're at college, and make sure she rings you if there's any problem?
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You're a selfless person, ST.
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It's your life, not your mothers. She gave it to you, and if she's any kind of mother, she'll let you live it. if she does hurt herself, it will NOT be your fault.
I know that sounds cold, and maybe that's because I'm really biased against mothers, but I strongly think that it's not your responsibility to take care of her. You should go out in the world, ST. Do what your dreams propel you to do.
If your mother is so selfish that she will make you stay with her using guilt trips or whatever, always remember that caring for a narcissistic parent is one of the heaviest burdens someone can bear. You have taken care of her for all of these years. You have done way more than anyone should be obligated to do. If you saw a photo of yourself when you were three, all happy and innocent, would you ever, in your wildest dreams, want them to have the burden you have placed on your own back? It helps to remove yourself from the situation to see it clearly.
I may be exaggerating your burden. I dont know, because I don't know your story. It's personal for me, though, and I wish I could have told myself that a few years back. It would have helped me immensely.
I recommend a book to you. It's called The Narcissistic Family, and it's by Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman and Robert M. Pressman. Narcissism isn't just loving yourself. It's, in a family, a parent who uses her children to satisfy her needs. (even if it's not her fault that she needs you, due to mental illness or whatnot.) Kids in that kind of a family shape themselves around what the parent needs in order to get love from that parent. They, in essence, become the parent, and the parent becomes the child. Sometimes it's really subtle, and maybe I'm inferring things, but I think it directly applies to you, as it directly applies to me.
I know you love your mother. But this isn't and shouldn't be your responsibility.
If you need someone to talk to, ST, please note me. I know what it feels like.
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I'm not the ST but reading this really helped me.
I'm in a extremely similar situation.
So thank you.
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You're welcome. I sometimes think I shouldn't inject so much of my personal life into comments, but in a way, that's how I can help people. If everything happens for a reason, maybe the reason why I went through it was to help other people. I'm really glad it helped you.
And if you ever want to talk about it, or need some advice, I'm here. Same thing goes for any random people who are reading this.
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lots of colleges [in australia anyway] let you do your degree over the internet, if you want to do something like that you could.
otherwise... get her committed? because otherwise your life gets ruined. she'll die in 30 or 40 years, you'll be middle aged with nothing left in your life if you've lived it always trying to keep her safe.
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I think you should finally do something for yourself. maybe see if your mom can go live with someone else. she needs to realize that she's dragging you down, especially if you can't go to college because of her.
I really do think you're doing a wonderful thing by taking care of her like that, but you shouldn't pass up such important things like college because of it.
good luck, hun<3
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You need to think of yourself
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Honeyyy
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You've probably been pretty selfless through your life, having to take care of your mother. And I think this is the time for you to do something for yourself.
Does she have any relatives that could watch her? Do you have any friends you trust who aren't headed for college, but could house sit with her? Or maybe you could just constantly check up on her through web-camming.
Just think of the alternatives before you make any choices. I really do wish you the best, and hope you will be able to do both. Keep your mother safe and go to college.
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