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DeviantArtSecret — Secret. 9789
Published: 2011-01-19 10:17:26 +0000 UTC; Views: 3374; Favourites: 69; Downloads: 10
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The Secret teller would also like to say.Ever since I discovered I'm gay, I'm afraid of telling my friends, because I know that they would hate me. It's silly of me, but I feel so lonely about it, like none understands my trauma...
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Comments: 70
I have a friend that used it that way. I told her it pissed me off since I'm gay and she used it as meaning "stupid". She understood and now, every time she wants to insult something, she pauses and thinks about it and uses an appropriate word, like idiot or cheesy, etc. (well, in my presence, anyway). I think it made her feel way more guilty of using it than it ever could make me guilty/embarrassed to tell her.
The only times "gay" can be used as an adjective, IMHO, is if someone is homosexual or if something/someone is really, really happy, like ye ol' meaning. 
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I hate it when anyone says "Fag". I'll speak up about that, but whenever anyone says gay all I say is "Stupid" and then they'll usually say what and then I'll tell them that gay is not a substitute for stupid.
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My lesbian friends actually bitch people out when they say this; 90% of my class has pretty much stopped. Try speaking up
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Whenever I hear someone say that, I tell them to shut up. It's like jokes about ethnicities or religions. Someone is always hurting.
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Same here... 👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I don't like how some people excuse this by saying that 'gay' has gotten another meaning (something bad) than 'homosexual' or 'happy', just like for example 'lame' has transformed. I don't think we can just draw parallells there, we need to see things with a bit more nuance, and realise that 'gay' just hasn't come to that yet (and I hope it never will). Some people get hurt, when there's people involved you can't just go after the book. :/
I kindly repremended anyone who uses it as if it means something bad. ^^
My english sucks tonight. o.O I'm sorry if I sound condescending. =.=
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I would love you, ST 
They're just jerks, not even worth your time or conversation.
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Youtube channel. "It gets better". In fact, here's a link: [link] You're not alone. There are people who have been there that are willing and WANT to talk to you. People who want you to listen and hear that it does get better.
And you might be wrong about your friends. If you think they're good people, they should understand. Maybe it'll take them some time to adjust to the thought, but that doesn't mean they won't. And if they won't and actually hate you for it...you know you deserve better right? I know it's hard to do something that might leave you alone though, especially if you're in high school...so it's up to you. Just don't let it bring you down too much.
Sometimes I use "gay" as an insult...kind of "That was so gay" or something...and I'm sorry for that. I'm trying not to, just like I'm trying not to use the word retarded. It had become such a big part of slang that it had not occurred to me for years that people might take offense to those comments or be hurt by them, but now that I know I'm trying to change it. Your friends might end up being the same way, if they really care about you. But if they're still teenagers they're also probably still a little dumb so try not to be too upset if you can if it takes awhile..
<3 good luck!
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Does this mean we shouldn't say "dumb" in case we offend someone who can't speak?
Or "lame" because it's not nice to people who are handicapped?
>_> Just a thought.
A lot of words used lightly today are based off of serious conditions. Gay really is no different. Besides, its use will probably change at some point, just as it does with all slang terms.
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Well, things used as insults are usually used as such not because the people using them find them offensive, but because they have the potential to make their target feel offended or insulted because of being called them. This is mainly the reason why you won't see this insult thrown at women too often.
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Dumb and lame have changed though. "Gay" is more like "retarded." People use them to mean different things, but it doesn't mean that it's not offensive.
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"Gay" has changed, too. It used to mean "to be happy". You'd often run into that word used for happy in all of those 19th century English books. People now will use gay to describe things that aren't even gay, like an item or situation. Dumb and lame are the same and used to describe things that aren't really dumb OR lame.
I actually hardly ever hear "retarded" anymore. It was a fad word. Gay is, too and will probably be short-lived. The next generation will have something entirely different, soooo.... I'm honestly not worried and can't really understand people that are so sensitive about a word unless it is used as an insult to someone who really is gay. Funny how a word is most offensive sometimes when used properly. Just more mangling of the English language, I guess.
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You have nothing but support and understanding here. Though I may not personally share your struggle, I can relate to being different. The world is full of people who feel like they can't be themselves because of how others will react. As many others have said already, only your real friends will accept you for who your are; don't be afraid to be you. Alson, whenever someone says "That's gay", I respond with with something like "What's happy?", because not many people know how to respond when the word is used properly. (It's first meaning refered to anything merry, lively or jovial. It throws the ignorant off when you respond with intellect and not anger.)
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I know how you feel ... it kind of tears me up inside
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"the ones who mind don't matter and the ones that matter don't mind" as the saying goes.
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I find it hilarious when people call homosexuals 'gay'.
"Lol ur so ghey"
"Thank you, Captain Obvious. I didn't know that. And while we're stating facts, you're a fucking moron."
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Whenever someone users the would gay as an insult I just roll my eyes. Mainly because it's a very poor insult, it either means homosexual -- which doesn't make sense in a lot of situations -- or happy/gitty/merry. But it's also very arrogant.
I'm sorry it hurts, ST.
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I totally understand why you're upset about this (I have a gay friend who hates it when gay is used negatively, for obvious reasons) but words change in meaning. Idiot, cretin etc used to be medical ways to describe various states of mental disability; now they're insults. I think the main problem people have with 'gay' is that people actively identify themselves as being it, whereas people didn't identify themselves as being 'idiots'. It's a minefield, but I think it's important to remember that a lot of people aren't using it as an insult towards homosexuals: for a lot of people, especially teenagers, it doesn't have those connotations.
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i know people who say things like "omg, that's so straight"...
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You might as well stop people from saying someone's a dick because it's offensive to people with dicks.
People are so damn over sensitive about everything. Most of the time, people who say something is gay haven't a thing against gay people - I have gay friends who say it all the time.
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I got one of my friends to stop using it as an insult and I'm straight. No one is going to hate you for it. and if they do, they're not worth your time.
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Gay isn't an insult at all. It really isn't, and people should stop treating it that way. Don't feel so alone about this, people everywhere are going through the same situation as you. Also, if your friends won't like you for who you really are, they aren't worth a dime and it's time to find new friends. I know it's way easier for me to say than to actually do, but yeah. You should try talking to someone else who is also homosexual, have you yet? It might make things easier for you, ya know? Feel free to message me if you wanted to, even. I'm not homosexual, but I can try to be your friend. ^_^
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I have to say, that I use the word when i'm upset... But then I realize what I just said and add "In a bad way" after it, or jiust apologize, even if all the people around me are straight. I also refuse to use the F-a-g-g-o-t word.
Find your courage, and profess to the world! I believe in you!
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The way I see it, like so many words out there, "gay" has 3 meanings: Homosexuality, ridiculously happy, and something being so indescribably lame that it lacks a better word. I'm bi, and some of my best friends are gay, and we call things gay all the time because we know the word differences (however, I call them faggots and they call me clam chomper too, haha). The word hurts you because you're still insecure, and that takes time and friendly encouragement to get past. Once you hit the point of no longer caring what people think and being completely okay with yourself, you learn that some words are just that: words. It's like "cool" can mean temperature or awesome-level, or even neutrality. The english language is an absolute nightmare. Don't let it eat you alive.
As for your friends, just find one to confide in, one you trust completely, and tell them. Just letting that one person close to you know will make a world of difference, and over time, you'll learn to bring it up to others. That, and most of us have a perfectly functional "gaydar," haha.
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This comment. Even though it's a few months old. XD
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Most people don't think about the implications of the word "gay" when they use it as an insult. It's just generic "bad" to them. It makes my blood boil too, but it doesn't mean that they'll hate you if you come out.
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I admit, I use gay and faggot as insults, though I don't mean to hurt anyone's feelings. But I 100% support gays.
I think the use of "gay" is different that the use of "nigger", because "gay" is not a derogatory term, like "nigger" is. Nowadays, when people use "gay", you don't immediately think they're talking about homosexuals, you think they're calling something stupid. But we all know what someone means when they say "nigger".
I think the best way to approach the situation ST, is to come out to your closests friends, look to them for support, and if you receive it, let them know that you don't appreciate them using the term "gay" in the sense that they are.
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I hate when people say that and then justify it with "I don't mean that gay, I mean gay as in bad!" They're idiots, because that's the whole point. Gay meant the very opposite of bad right up until it became used for homosexuals. Maybe some people can't help picking up slang and mean no harm from it, but it only spreads negative feeling.. :/
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That's precisely the point of throwing insults, the fact that they spread/cause negative feelings. People would probably stop using them when we'd stop being so sensitive about them.
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Hmmm... I think that would only make it more commonplace. :/ But oh well.
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The word, "gay" has different meanings.
1. Jovial or happy, good-spirited.
2. A homosexual male or female.
3. A word often used to describe something stupid or unfortunate, etc.
I think you're looking behind the word too closely. I don't think that when your friends use it that they mean it in any homophobic way. The word might have it's origins from something along the lines of homophibic people trying to buff up their masculinity, but language evolves and I believe that most of the animosity behind the word has gone. I use the word a lot, and i don't use it to demean the gay community in any way. I would apologise if it offended any of my friends though. (:
So, I think if it's still something that still bugs you, tell your friends. They'll try and stop using it so much, I bet. And well, as far as not telling your friends go- don't worry about it! You shouldn't have to hide any part of who you are. Throw yourself in and have no regrets.
Good luck, ST!
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When I came out to my friends, I thought they would all abandon me.
They didn't though. Unless your friends are extremely homophobic, they will probably stay your friend. What happened with me is that it was a little awkward at first, but then they got over it. They'll usually stop using "Thats so gay" around you too.
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ST, you have to stand up for yourself. Be brave. The more you let people push their hate on you, the more you will suffer. Rise above it, as hard as it may be. Be proud of yourself. And if your friends or anyone will hate you for that, then they don't deserve to be a part of your life anyway. So don't be afraid. The world gets a lot less scary when you decide to stop being afraid of it. 
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The thing to understand is that they may be using it in a completely different context. For example, I use gay to describe a wide range of things, some of those things being insults, but I absolutely love gay people. In my mind, it's just not the same type of word. My point is, just because someone uses the word, don't assume that they hate gay people. But if it makes you uncomfortable, truly respectful people will stop, so you should speak up.
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Agreed. Meanings of words can change, or be used differently.
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real or true friends can understand their FRIENDS FEELINGS.....but if they will hate you...they may not your true friends
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I wish I was there next to you, because I understand :C
You should tell them, ST, if they hate you for being gay they're not your friends at all! D: You don't just wake up in the morning and go all "That's it! 
I hope you stay strong and find some friends that are worth it, ST
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More related to the upper portion:
What about when gay/bi/not-hetero people use "gay" as an insult? (/or to describe something they don't like?)
Relating to coming out:
If they hate you for it, I wouldn't say they're friends at all.
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I use it as two different words (: *bi*
If I'm referring to gay PEOPLE I use 'gay'. If I'm referring to things that I don't like, it's 'ghey'. Just my own personal little variation xD
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I used to write "ghey" for things I don't like/whatever, but that doesn't really help if you're saying it out loud. xD;
I don't know. Maybe it's because of my sense of humor, but even though I'm pan, I just can't get upset when people use "gay" as an insult. If I DID, I probably wouldn't have my current boyfriend and would absolutely hate his best friend.
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XD I don't actually say it very much in IRL conversations, or even in general, but when I do, there is that slight difference.
I don't really get upset about it either, though 'faggot' and etc. are occasionally exceptions. But seriously, I'd be dead if I got offended that easily xD I hang out with the easiest people to be offended by.
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It is still wrong- but I see your point. People who are gay/bi/not-hetero use the term "gay" as an insult all the time. Doesn't seem fair, does it?
Same with African's who call each other "Nigger". But if you're not African, it's considered an insult and a swear word.
It's not really fair, logically, is it?
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