Vidz [2004-09-16 02:39:43 +0000 UTC]
is a good story, only thing i would suggest is like Sorakaji said, more little details i'd say in scenery and where they are and stuff
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Sorakaji [2004-09-09 20:50:12 +0000 UTC]
it's an interesting plotline. I love it. You can make it even better by adding microdetails. For instance, how she motioned for him to come in, and which wall exploded. nice job.
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