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EarthVStheDerek — The Dreaded Mortimer's Dreaded Barber Shop
Published: 2013-08-04 16:10:52 +0000 UTC; Views: 2162; Favourites: 28; Downloads: 4
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Don't write a bad review. Or, he will find you.Related content
Comments: 94
Admiral Faustius: Sir Steve, i have been sent to take out the The Dreaded Mortimer, a high ranking military official working for a rival kingdom *holds out a wanted poster, the poster states that The Dreaded Mortimer is wanted by the king and offers a reward of part of the royal treasury*. I'm looking to get magical training and win political favor to take over a kingdom in Germany. I also can enchant your weapons *holds Steve's sword in a moment its blade is now on fire*.
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Sir Steve: "Cool! Now, let's get the hooligan!"
Edwin: "Steve, wait! This guy wants to take over a kingdom. Aren't people like that usually our enemies?" *Turns to Faustius.* "No offense."
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Admiral Faustius: i don't wan't your kingdom i want a German kingdom.
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Edwin: "You're not planning on getting this other kingdom by backstabbing, metaphorically or literally, are you?"
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Admiral Faustius: i want to conquer it, my magic is comparable to the best archmages your kingdom has to offer.
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Sir Steve: "I get to grow the old Empire!" *Claps.*
Edwin: "About that... Aren't you Legionares kind of long gone? No offense."
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Admiral Faustius: i betrayed them when things started going south, in fact my name is synonymous with Traitor in Italy.
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Sir Steve: *His gleeful attitude quickly changes.* "A traitor? Why should we help you?"
Edwin: "Wow. Steve actually has a point."
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Admiral Faustius: things went downhill and barbarians were ganging up on the oppressive Roman empire, It was either die defending Rome or be hailed as a hero for the barbarians. I chose the latter, I'm quite a celebrity in one German kingdom BTW, (in my idea Admiral Faustius refuses to join the Nazis when they try to recruit him as a one-man-army, he does take offence to the word "panzerfaust" due to the "faust" part in it, as he thought he had the word "faust" copyrighted, by the time Admiral Faustius is aware of Lauren Faust and the pony cartoon she made, the brony fandom will be LONG gone).
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Sir Steve: "You... you betrayed your nation for fame! You are a bad guy! Stand down, or I will fight you!"
(Sir Steve is also a glory hound, but he still has a sense of honor and loyalty. He's also learning that being a hero is all about defending the little guy.
So, Faustius will find out about bronies after they're no more... So in a million years.)
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(not exactly a million years, if i plan Admiral Faustius to die, he will die many years into the future, maybe in the 2040's he will die, in my idea he is already over 2,000 year old by the year 2014).
Admiral Faustius: hmm you want to fight me? *raises a magical shield around himself* i dare you to try.
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*Sir Steve buffoonishly begins to whack his shield with his sword.*
Edwin: *Sigh.* "This is a job for a wizard!" *Casts a mighty green lightning bolt at the shield.*
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Admiral Faustius: 2 people take me on? No fair, but then again *raises a magical bubble around him, the bubble expands outward and sets the grass within it on fire* I'm able to withstand high temperatures.
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Edwin: "Then, it's time for you to cool down!" *Casts an ice blast against the shield. Sir Steve just kind of looks at him.*
Edwin: "What? I can't be bombastic, too?"
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Admiral Faustius: *using both of his arms Faustius sends 2 streams of flame, one for Edwin, the other for Steve*. Can't we call this fight off?
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Sir Steve: "Can you call your dastardly plans off?"
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Faustius: i don't want your kingdom i just want one to call my own (not that he needs one in my idea he receives a pretty big government subsidiary out of thanks for his deeds and is even a adviser to multiple German kings).
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Edwin: "Here's the thing: you want to dispose a leader, any leader, for your own power fantasy. That's just not cool, dude!"
*Mortimer slams the door open in a huff.*
Mortimer: "What's going on out here? I'm trying to make a dishonest living in here!"
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Faustius: these 2 attacked me they want to kill you for a bounty (blatant lie Admiral Faustius wants to collect the bounty for Mortimer).
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Edwin: "Mortimer! Listen to me! For once, you're not the bad guy! This man is trying to set you against us!"
Mortimer: "Not the bad guy?! How dare you! I'll show you who's not the bad guy!" *Attacks.*
Edwin: "I should have known."
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*Admiral Faustius fights Edwin, Mortimer fights Steve, it's a bloodbath like Team Fortress 2*.
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I'd say he'll have to go back to pillaging and looting, but he never stopped.
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My Lord, that is hilarious and certainly a brilliant occurrence. I cannot stop laughing, you brightened my morning with this comic.
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Thanks a lot, pal. I'm glad I made your morning.
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You're very welcome. I look forward to drawing some of your characters, if you're okay with that.
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Okay with that? I would be honored.
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Well that's one way to do it! Saves time and money for tools! Not for the faint of heart.
Nicely done here!
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Can't say he's not efficient. Thanks.
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An example of why faster isn't always better.
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Haha man! brings back horrid memories of wrestling with my cousins when we were young kids...one of them was a hair puller. Kinda funny, he rides a Harley nowadays.
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I remember some sparring match with my own relatives, namely my brother. We didn't play nice, either. Funny, about your hair pulling biker cousin.
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Never trust a hair pulling Jesus biker!
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There's Jesus bikers at my church. Hopefully, they're not the hair pulling kind.
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the hair pulling kind are the ones you have to watch out for
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Great idea.
Uhm, I mean your Comic, not the haircut. XD
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Wow, quickest haircut ever. 
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Ha ha, yeah, true. He could have lost more than just his hair.
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you also forgot to add in your artist comments, don't ever bring swords or an axe, it may give him ideas...
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I actually thought of that. Then, I thought the line about not giving him a bad review was funnier.
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