HOME | DD
Eldritch-Turnip — Pyroclastic Nipplefuck
Published: 2007-07-06 20:26:55 +0000 UTC; Views: 3690; Favourites: 27; Downloads: 132
Redirect to original
Description
I would like to dedicate this piece to Soilent Green and my lingering Category Four Hangover, recently downgraded to a Tropical Skullfuck.Furthermore, you are hereby cordially invited to go eat a bag of dicks.
Related content
Comments: 18
GOD DAMN IT, I THOUGHT I WAS THE KNIG OF RETARDED HUMOR...
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
thank you for the invitation, but i'm already full. peace.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
that is the sexiest walrus moustache i have ever seen
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
your humor is possibly the most closely related to mine ive ever come in contact with.
oh sweet god.
your comment on this piece just made it THAT much more hilarious.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
"Tropical Skullfuck" I think I popped a lung laughing at that one, you'll be hearing from my lawyers soon.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
(Thought I'd say so since you encourage Advanced Critique) heh
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Actually....
Your line work has really, really improved heh.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I LOVE nipplefucking! mmmmmmmmmmmmm big leathery nipples the size of mayonaise jar lids. The kind you can squeeze for hours. There was this secretary at work once with tits the size of canon balls. I convinced her I knew how to hyptnotize people and the next weekend i was over there swimming in areola. We both knew my hyponotizing was crap, but a woman has certain needs, you know what I mean? We are always willing to overlook the bullshit to get a clit-lick, am I right? No matter how retarded. It was my best line of crap ever, and I've had some good lines of crap. Another line of crap was once offering a complete stranger to buy her a dress in the mall. She took me out with her but wouldn't let me pay. I didn't get any on that occasion.
I once had a girlfriend with 3 long hairs coming out of one nipple. That I didn't like so much. (I came on her driveway just as her dad came outside to see where the fuck she was at 1:00 in the morning. I wonder if he ever came looking at that spot the next morning... I also ran over a turtle on her driveway while showing off how fast I can drive. The messes both kind of looked the same).
"Excuse me but, can you trim these nipple hairs? Thanks" I should have just yanked them while she was sleeping.
Her: "Owww, my nipple really hurt this morning..."
Me" "hmmm, I dunno..." (shrugs shoulders)
I am about to go pick up two mexicans to come work on my yard. Homeonwnership = fun slavemastership. God forbid I bend down to pick a weed. Weeds = asshats.
Barbitautes at 7:00 am = not a good breakfast.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I can't remember if I already told you this one or not (alcohol kills braincells, you say? Never!) but this one time, after a 'few' drinks, I leaned out the window of a friends car while we were stopped at the traffic lights and yelled at some girls across the street "I'M DYING OF CANCER. I'LL BE DEAD IN THREE DAYS. CAN I HAVE YOUR UNDIES?"
It didn't work.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Well then. That is one humpy walrus. I think he should have that checked out by only the finest physicians. That way he will become a very famous, freakshow walrus, appearing on the news as the "walrus with an incurable case of the hump" if he cannot be treated.
If he can, then that's the end of that.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
My toilet is broken. The tank doesn't fill up automatically any more because the little floaty ball thing in the cistern is fucked. However, I worked out that if you bash the tank on the right-hand side about two thirds of the way down it'll make the aforementioned floaty ball thing jump, which for some reason makes the toilet decide to fill the tank with water.
If you go in there to poop you have to remember to bash the tank with your fist before you sit down, or else after you finish up you'll have to stand there for like a minute and a half while the tank fills.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thank you for letting me know. I mean, I could fix it, but I'd rather hit your toilet.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Bleah. Now that I've slept off most of my hangover, I was compelled to de-hump my walrus by 63%. Lousy OCD.
And why do I have th urge to sing "my humps, my humps, my lovely walrus humps"? I fucking hate that song.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I just want to know why the top button on this shirt DOES NOT button.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
