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Description
My constituents are all laboring under the misapprehension that, with much sweaty perseverance and heavy petting of zoo animals, it is possible to wring glorious mayonnaise out of a well-padded stock portfolio. I would generally be disinclined to agree with this assertion, as I have run this very proposal up the flagpole in front of a distinguished panel of lightly-concussed Romanian immigrants many a time, and rarely has it taken the edge off after a heavy night of polka dancing and drinking my own urine. Think about that while you carve out yet another niche market for ill-timed cavity searches and microwavable pets.

Description
My constituents are all laboring under the misapprehension that, with much sweaty perseverance and heavy petting of zoo animals, it is possible to wring glorious mayonnaise out of a well-padded stock portfolio. I would generally be disinclined to agree with this assertion, as I have run this very proposal up the flagpole in front of a distinguished panel of lightly-concussed Romanian immigrants many a time, and rarely has it taken the edge off after a heavy night of polka dancing and drinking my own urine. Think about that while you carve out yet another niche market for ill-timed cavity searches and microwavable pets.