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Emzy-Creates — The Offer [NSFW]
Published: 2018-12-02 00:30:58 +0000 UTC; Views: 475; Favourites: 4; Downloads: 0
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Description   Fei Hong was a pre-teen student in Hong Kong, she was deemed to be the second best in her class making her parents wanting more out of her. Participating in after-school curriculums and tutoring, she is constantly stressed from everything as she does not believe she'll be able to accomplish her parent's desire. All she wanted was to be a child.
   Crying herself to sleep every night, helping her to get over everything from the day and heavily sleep throughout the night to gain energy for the next. However, one night Fei woke up in the middle of the night feeling as if someone was watching her sleep. She looks around her room to see nothing out of the ordinary. She shook it off and tried to fall back to sleep.
   Not long after she heard something drop. Her eyes burst open and sat up to instantly see two figures or as she taught it was. It was very dark making hard to see, not knowing if her mind were playing games on her. She rubbed her eyes only to instantly see two figures closer with their hands over her mouth, stopping her from possible screams.
   "Do not scream," a female voice could be heard. The two slowly moved their hand away and Fei was breathing heavily.
   "Who are you? What do you want with me? How did you get in here?" Fei's voice commanded with a raspy voice.
   "I am Yang and this is my sister Yin, we are two angels that wish to offer you something special," a male's voice answered enthused. The two handed Fei a knife and a full bottle of pills.
   "You must choose one in order to become immortal and live as every child should, free," Yin explained.
   "But these will kill me," Fei quietly shouted.
   "You are incorrect, these types of equipment are magical from our home." Yang calmly explained. Fei stared at the knife and pills causing her to feel uncomfortable.
   "You have a week to decide." As Fei looked back up the two were gone. She felt unease about the thought and what happened. She quickly hid the weapons in her draw and tucked herself tight into her bed, fearing the two would come back that night to murder her.

   Every day Fei was in constant fear, having the irritating feeling of being watched everywhere she went. She could not focused on her school work causing her to degrade. No one questioned her as it was normal for students to act like this. Every night her parents would complain about her effort in school for not to their standard. This brought Fei's mental state very low to the point of depression. She felt worthless to everyone and could not live to their high expectation.

   A week has been and Fei was sitting in solitude in her room. It was dark outside but was not quiet, people were still roaming outside. Fei opened her draw to collect the weapons and stared blankly at them.
   "Have you made your decision?" Yin asked. Fei was startled by the voice jumping in her bed a little.
   "Well, er, no not yet," Fei stuttered.
   "Why not?" Yin asked.
   "I have not considered about it as I was focusing on school."
   "You should not be worrying about school, that place only brings boredom and uncreativity, it destroys what it's like being a child," Yang explains while being loud. "If you accept our offer you will be taken to a place where you can be anything and do whatever you want."
   "Is that really true? A place where you can do whatever you want?" Fei questioned with hope, wanting the opportunity to be a true child. Yang nods as an answer.
   "You must choose either the pills or the knife in order to enter the place. The pills will give you time to say your goodbye to your loved ones in this place, the knife will not give you that option once applied as it is an instant entry." Yin explained the weapons further.
   "If I were to choose the knife would I be able to write a goodbye letter?" Fei asked looking at the weapons.
   "You are, before commencing," Yin answered.
   Fei grabbed her school notebook and pen, beginning to write her letter to her parents. Tears blurring her vision while drips were running down her face. Once completed she takes the knife and aims it for her neck. With fear and misery taking over her she tightens her grip and ends her feelings becoming numb.

   Fei's body was found dead in her room by her parents. The parents felt torn about the loss of their only child. As Fei's body was removed from the site a journalist walked up to the couple asking questions about the death of Fei.
   "Could your child be driven to suicide from someone?" The journalist asked.
   "We do not think so, but her letter does speak of a better life." Fei's father answered as her mother was not strong enough to speak. Fei's father handed Fei's letter to the journalist.
   "This is a lot of help for my story, thank you."
   "Do you know what happened?"
   "Not quite, but, almost twenty years ago, my little brother told me two angels by the name Yin and Yang offered him a life of immortality. He died from the overdose of drugs. We were too late to save him."
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Comments: 2

Ask-Antworker [2018-12-02 21:39:25 +0000 UTC]

Well this was certainly a good read. I enjoyed it. As for feedback, the only thing I would suggest is maybe checking for grammar and flow. There were a few marginal errors here and there in regards to that, but even I do that sometimes, so it's nothing terrible. On a more positive note, I really got the heebie jeebies reading the part where the twins appear in her room for the first time. I could almost feel a pair of cold hands over my own mouth reading that part, so nicely done.

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Emzy-Creates In reply to Ask-Antworker [2018-12-02 23:05:06 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much for the feedback, means a lot

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