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enolianslave β Mufindi's Tale pg 10
Published: 2009-04-13 19:34:55 +0000 UTC; Views: 7897; Favourites: 90; Downloads: 89
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next page [link]Poor Ngwazi is completely barking up the wrong tree.
in Vodun (voodoo) terms a god is called a 'Lua' but I thought it would be too confusing, and since they're just gods I'll just keep to that, no need to complicate anything right?
shit, I hope that didn't complicate it.
again, tell me what I've done wrong, what continuity mistakes I have committed and I will love you and tale heed I swear!
I've even activated that 'critique thing' now you KNOW I'm serious. ha!
thanks guys!
Forgotten Muse story and characters are copyright to Tanya Roberts.
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Comments: 54
The third panel is WAY cool and creepy. And poor self-conscious Ngwazi.
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Glee. ^^ I am liking this comic a lot. I'm also sensing a crush on Ngwazi's part.
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Look at Mr President there look at him lookin all White houseish xox
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i love iiiit. Mufindi's eyes in the third panel rock out! all mystic~
and does Ngwazi have a little crush~
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aww someone's feeling self conscious o: Poor little Nwgazi
Still loving this 83 Every page pulls me in more and more.
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The first couple panels are maybe a bit dark; I know that it's dim in that room but their skin tone kinda blends into the background a little.
I love the spooky-vodoo-queen shot of Mufundi in the third panel, though. ooooo.
Heh, so that's why Ngwazi became her familiar.
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I made it lighter than I wanted to, all my work seems to be too dark. I'll have a look. thanks hun.
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Come to think of it, it could be my screen. I've noticed that dA shows up brighter at home on my Mac than on my PC here at work.
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Only critique is that in the last panel Mufundi's skirt seems a bit too big, as if it is slightly out of proportion.
I love the expressions on the characters. Ngwazi has a nice range of emotions. I really like the angle in the first panel. That works really nicely to emphase how much the man is begging for Mufundi's help.
I really love this comic <3
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it's sorta supposed to be a perspective thing, looking up at Mufindi from Ngwazi's level.
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ah right. yeah that makes sense then
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Interesting. X_X More plot happening. Still like how you do expression. :3
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BAWW I missed you! <3 He reminds me a little of Daxter, but I like his design much more, with the lil rat tail and everything. XD
Ah you're brave to ask for critique! I remember when I told you you'd forgotten to draw in the candles that time, but that's the only thing I've ever noticed. This page is great and I love the perspective on the first panel!
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thanks hun, well if you see anything just gimmie a hollar!
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Not a problem, I'll be sure to help you with your baby if need be! <3
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How do you pronounce Ngwazi's name? Ne'-GUA-zee?
Oh. Is he smitten with his mistress? Poor guy, but love complications like that always make a good read/watch/play; look at Tess and Dax, or Belle and the Beast, or the princess with the frog.
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it's 'n'-gwa-zi. yay unrequited love stories!
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Okay, so it's NNNN-gua-zee, then?
Man, the sounds we English speakers don't make 
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Aww, I feel kinda sorry for Ngwazi now. That's a romance that would never, ever work XD
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or will it...ew, we'll see.
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It's kind of weird, but it only just clicked to me that Ngwazi used to be Reggie. I think it's something that doesn't really get across unless the reader catches the previous comment on how you're using the system of familiars. I'm hoping this gets made a little clearer later, because I'd hate to see anyone else get confused about that. (Then again, I'm kinda dense sometimes. Haha what.)
It's also interesting to see that he has a crush on Mufindi... Would that have anything to do with how willing he was to become her new familiar? Hmm...
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I explain it more in the next couple of pages, so hopefully it won't stay confusing for long. thanks hun!
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That close up-down shot in the first panel
is so perfect.
I don't think I could pull that off in a million years (:
And I like how your style stays completely consistant in each panel.
A lot of artists have trouble with that.
The only thing I would recommend checking into
is in the second panel, when Gordon's talking.
If ''Is 'e one 'o da gods?'' is supposed to translate to
'Is he one of the gods?' then
the apostraphe in 'o should be after the o
[I think]
β₯β₯
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thanks hun. really? I'm not sure about that, I'll ask around.
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you're welcomeβ₯
I think it's supposed to be like that.
The letter you're getting rid of is f from of
so the apostrophe would take the place of f.
I could be wrong.
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Aww he's so cute! Poor little guy... actually I dunno...Mufundi could be into that kinda stuff...^_-
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ha! well, he's probably hoping!
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^_^ Keep hoping buddy! It could happen!!
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i just love the way they talk, you write the accent so perfectly!
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Kind of gives a whole new meaning to the term "bestiality", doesn't it?
KIDDING! Can't wait to see what "'nfolds." (Did I do the accent right?)
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YAY! So awesome, we get to read more!
I love this series.
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I can't get over how awesome Mufidi looks (Not just in this page but overall)
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I love the third panel! The blank eyes are so mystic and beautiful!
Wonderful 
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Hee. I love it.
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I really love this comic so far! Keep up the good work 
And I love the way they talk :3 *totally has an accent herself*
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I'd give you a critique, but I don't have a sub.
But, I think the third upper panel seems a bit dark compared to the rest of them. I know it's partly due to shading, but compared to the light that shines on Mufindi from the fire, the fire in that panel seems to have dimmed.
My second thing... Are Mufindi's eyes closed in that third panel, or is she in a trance that didn't involve pupils and irises?
That's all I have to say. Other than that, awesome! The plot thickens!!!
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well, i don't know about any errors, but i do have a few suggestions. from what i've gatehred, mufidi is supposed to be revered, but is an imposing and frightening figure to the common folk. perhaps have Gordon reflect that a bit more by having him keep his distance or more fear on his face. also, just something that would have added to the emotion of Ngwazi (the...critter thing/familiar) is in the sixth pannel (or when he says 'did you miss me' ) have him kinda shuffle his right foot, or kick it outwards a little. :3 just a little suggestion, but i love what you did. very well done.
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she's not so revered that her flock would be above touching her. they still show their submission to her by bowing down and being being lower than her, kissing her robes curtsying and all that.
I would do that Ngwazi thing you suggested but that would be more suited to an animation. thanks for your suggestions though.
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^^ yup. and more suited to an animation, eh? huh, never thought of it that way. 
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I am mesmerized STILL by how you can perfectly capture an accent, T.
:3
*hug*
So far, no continuity errors, unless her eyes weren't meant to be all white and glowy in that one panel.
<:T
but...C'est awesome!
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The story's unique and interesting, and I love how you colored the third panel.
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