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Description
The letter stares sightlessly at me, taunting and mocking. I tear the envelope and cringe as your words lash out, cutting me more deeply than sticks and stones ever could. I flash back to her 17th birthday, the events of the evening immortalized in my mind. It was supposed to be a trip to the circus; we'd all have a good time, but it all went terribly wrong. The events replay, slow motion, and her body lies in the center of the crowd, lifeless and abandoned. I didn't understand until much too late; watched the red blossom from the would faster than a nosebleed. I faded into the background, moving slowly at first, before running, running, running, back to my home. I evade the questions of my mother and escape to the beach. Sitting on the damp, cool sand, I try to understand. All night I sit, immobile, and watch the sunrise grow into full daylight. The responsibility of real life somehow serves as enough of a distraction to pull me back from throwing myself into the mercy of the sea. Before I know it, daily life has become a habit. I've fled to another town. Change becomes impossible, threatening to destroy the careful identity I've hidden in. Days, weeks, months pass before I realize it's too late to give in, fuck myself over; feel the weight lifted from my shoulders. I'm so far into my lie of a life that I've almost forgotten just how much I loved her. As much as I want to give her family an explanation, I can't seem to find the willpower to waste all the effort I've put into hiding for all this time. I remember her skinny nose, her silky skin, and hair that glowed red in the sun. And those eyes. Oh, the magic hidden in her eyes...the flecks of brown scattered throughout the startling green were mesmerizing. If I stared too deeply, the rest of the world became white noise, and nothing mattered except her. I stifled the impulse to pull her into my arms countless times, in fear of rejection and ridicule. I was captivated from the moment I met her. I couldn't get enough, and before long, spending my time with her was an addiction. She was the center of my world. I watched her die, and I did nothing to try to stop it. I watched him desecrate the sanctity of her body with the cold steel blade; watched her fall to the ground, already peaceful in death. I slunk into the concealing shadows, cowardly leaving her for someone else to discover. Only a minute before, I'd been watching her heartbeat pulse in her neck, hoping for and dreaming of a first kiss with her. Then she got up. I followed her, planning to finally tell her how I felt, when I heard him say her name. The surprise showed plain on her face as she felt the plain spread outward from her chest. He pulled the knife out and left quickly, taking with him all the tomorrows I'd only dreamed of. The sweet smell of her on the breeze will never again pass under my nose. The fog created in my mind by her very presence is now only a memory. I long for her every day, knowing I never really deserved her. I can't understand how you found me, hidden away in this village of a town, how you know what I saw, and why you haven't turned me in. You loved her too; it's been years, and I'd hoped the passage of time would dull the pain. But the pain grows worse, day by day, and I know neither of us will ever forget.

Description
The letter stares sightlessly at me, taunting and mocking. I tear the envelope and cringe as your words lash out, cutting me more deeply than sticks and stones ever could. I flash back to her 17th birthday, the events of the evening immortalized in my mind. It was supposed to be a trip to the circus; we'd all have a good time, but it all went terribly wrong. The events replay, slow motion, and her body lies in the center of the crowd, lifeless and abandoned. I didn't understand until much too late; watched the red blossom from the would faster than a nosebleed. I faded into the background, moving slowly at first, before running, running, running, back to my home. I evade the questions of my mother and escape to the beach. Sitting on the damp, cool sand, I try to understand. All night I sit, immobile, and watch the sunrise grow into full daylight. The responsibility of real life somehow serves as enough of a distraction to pull me back from throwing myself into the mercy of the sea. Before I know it, daily life has become a habit. I've fled to another town. Change becomes impossible, threatening to destroy the careful identity I've hidden in. Days, weeks, months pass before I realize it's too late to give in, fuck myself over; feel the weight lifted from my shoulders. I'm so far into my lie of a life that I've almost forgotten just how much I loved her. As much as I want to give her family an explanation, I can't seem to find the willpower to waste all the effort I've put into hiding for all this time. I remember her skinny nose, her silky skin, and hair that glowed red in the sun. And those eyes. Oh, the magic hidden in her eyes...the flecks of brown scattered throughout the startling green were mesmerizing. If I stared too deeply, the rest of the world became white noise, and nothing mattered except her. I stifled the impulse to pull her into my arms countless times, in fear of rejection and ridicule. I was captivated from the moment I met her. I couldn't get enough, and before long, spending my time with her was an addiction. She was the center of my world. I watched her die, and I did nothing to try to stop it. I watched him desecrate the sanctity of her body with the cold steel blade; watched her fall to the ground, already peaceful in death. I slunk into the concealing shadows, cowardly leaving her for someone else to discover. Only a minute before, I'd been watching her heartbeat pulse in her neck, hoping for and dreaming of a first kiss with her. Then she got up. I followed her, planning to finally tell her how I felt, when I heard him say her name. The surprise showed plain on her face as she felt the plain spread outward from her chest. He pulled the knife out and left quickly, taking with him all the tomorrows I'd only dreamed of. The sweet smell of her on the breeze will never again pass under my nose. The fog created in my mind by her very presence is now only a memory. I long for her every day, knowing I never really deserved her. I can't understand how you found me, hidden away in this village of a town, how you know what I saw, and why you haven't turned me in. You loved her too; it's been years, and I'd hoped the passage of time would dull the pain. But the pain grows worse, day by day, and I know neither of us will ever forget.