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EStories — ES: Seeds of Darkness 084
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Published: 2015-02-27 22:35:28 +0000 UTC; Views: 65494; Favourites: 705; Downloads: 393
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Description
FIRST - PRE - NEXT
MLP:FiM is owned by "Hasbro"!
Vectors taken from the show!
Inspired by TriteBristle - Check him out!
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Patreon | Twitter | Picarto [Livestreams]
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"I Will Continue" (Silverlay's Theme) by MandoPony (Including FREE Download!)
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Comments: 223
Frame 6: I'm pretty sure Twilight will suddenly change re-think her situation.
It should be: I'm pretty sure Twilight will suddenly change and re-think her situation.
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When robots start thinking out of their programs and about their own existence..
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I can't even read ahy of it and it makes me sad cause I wanna see what happens next XD
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Can you post the Original Dialogue and link it in the Description? Lots of people really want it back and I'm curious as to what it says, since I forgot..
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I never got to see the original, could you post it as a separate thing so I can read it? Plz?
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The original script. People are saying you changed what it says, and I'm curious what it use to say before. So I was wondering if you could repost the original wall keeping this one up, two different versions.
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Not wanting to die is the most natural thing in the world. That's okay.
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if i'm right anything fears death is tectily alive
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shhhh, your ruining the moment
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then don't. as long as you believe your life is in someone else's hands you might as well be dead already
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Those 358/2-esque things though. Why can't they bring her a source of energy already...
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I think I liked the other dialogue better as well
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Thank goodness others agree with me about the original dialogue! I dont want to criticize anyone because of how good the comic is, but I really want the original back!
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I loved the first dialogue so much more. I think that it had a richer subtext. This one seems to just regurgitate stuff we already know. I think your next comic still works with the original. That said, I'm really enjoying this story.
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I think on panel 9, what should be that. And on panel 6, you're has to be you are.
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This page was a favorite because it conveyed the terror in Silverlay's heart- begging Holly to tell her she doesn't have to die...it had a real impact. Right now though, the dialogue doesn't flow, and I can't find that feeling again.
Not sure why you changed it, but perhaps you'll return to the original.
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The dialog felt a little I want to say clunky and didn't touch me as much as the first dialog but that just my opinion
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I liked the previous dialogue alot better honestly. It was so brunt, like a kick in the chest. I think that less was more in this situation. With fewer words, she conveyed so much more emotion to the reader. And her last words, "Please...Please...Just tell me that I dont have to die.." I sat here staring at those last few panels and it overwhelmed me completely. Something about "I just dont want to die" doesn't strike me as hard. To me, I guess, it's because the original line, her asking that of Holly, shows just how terrified she truly is. Basically, the original had a much more emotional impact.
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Can't... cry! Not... manly...! Damn allergies!
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Interesting. I see a cutie mark on Holly, yet Silverlay doesn't have one. I wonder what significance this holds.
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silverlay still needs to find hers. Okay?
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I can't remember if it has been explained before... Silverlay drained a part of Applejack's magic. But AJ will get this magic back, right?
In my head it kind of works like blood donation : if you take too much, the person dies, but if you don't take too much the person can make new blood. Is it the same for ponies' magic here?
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? Did you change the script on this page? I remember reading it before and it saying something different.
I REALLY like those silent panels, by the way. The way you went for several panels without dialogue, to really create the atmosphere of a long silence...that is excellent story pacing. Well done!
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Just a few corrections:
"Especially after you've proven what a threat you're all along." -- "Especially after you've proven what a threat you were all along."
"What are you afraid of? After all what happened..." --> "What are you afraid of? After all that's happened..."
"Since I've woken up... I'm waiting for it to happen." --> "Ever since I woke up... I've been waiting for the other shoe to drop." -- The phrase "Waiting for the other shoe to drop" is an English idiom which means "Awaiting a seemingly inevitable event, especially one that is not desirable."
"That someone decides I have to go..." --> "That moment when someone decides I have to go..."
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wait, does silverlay know its Holly talking to her or she just sees darkness and hears a random voice?
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I think rewrite you did made the dialogue flow feel a little more natural. Very well done
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This version is very good too. I like Holly's snarking now about what a "threat" Silverlay's been.
Although, I really liked the "Please tell me I don't have to die" line from the original.
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Yeah, but it was too "out of nowhere". Especially after the Mane6 were telling that to Silverlay a few times already.
Silverlay worring about to "fail" seems more fitting to her - especially after it's usually one of Twilight's fears ^^
She will learn a valuable lesson by Holly on the next page.
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That does make more sense.
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This is more emotional than the original one you made... it's so touching! Nice work!
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God Dang it! I've literally read all of this and stops here! Shoot! This was getting real good. Great work so far.
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There are ways to keep death at bay...eventually we all go but...we can still have a life. You Silverlay... your sweet face deserves to live...
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Oh my god....*breaks down and hugs Silverlay*
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How could Silverlay drain Applejack of her magic? Applejack is an earth pony, she doesn't have magic.
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If you watch the season four finale for mlp, you will see that earth ponies do actually have magic, it's just more targeted towards their strength and connection to the earth, which is why many earth ponies are seen pulling carriages and tending to crops.
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