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evad — See Erosion
Published: 2003-07-23 14:40:16 +0000 UTC; Views: 181; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 11
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Description
When the house we built atop the seawallcollapsed it was a monument. It seemed
as though everything had crumbled at once
but chunks of it had fallen every day.
The shore we loved so much had taken it
piece by piece, smoothing inch by inch until
water filled the cracks and fissures. Nothing
supported everything.
And then we fell.
Such a monument can go unnoticed
it seems, because I still come back to it
at dusk and twilight sometimes. You are there
too, searching the rocks for pieces of glass
from the stained glass windows, saving my feet
from cuts and contusions as I walk through
our grave. Hopeless though, the damage is done.
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Comments: 12
I love this so much, I had to +fav it even though it's kind of late.
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I really enjoyed the symbolism and the feeling that went into this peice. In a way I see the sea as a beautifully serene and slowly destructive force. I keep thinking about the way that the house seems to be the relationship, and the sea is the love. Powerful and dangerous. It's almost as if you could say that the people within the poems are connected to both the shore and the house and return to assess the damage again and again despite the fact that the damage is irreversible. It makes me think of the way that I return to thoughts of my previous relationships and the way that they ended. They ended abruptly it seemed, but they were never stable to begin with, just like your house on the shore.
Hope all is okay with you. 
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this seems to be a more 'standard' poem, latetly i have been reading some very complex and challenging pieces from you, but this one is... searching for the words... more emotional. it is more basic but i can understand how a simpler form/structure can help to condense the emotions and prevent the reader being distracted.
i like the idea of the relationship being undermined by a constant knawing, relentless force. the image i get is quite disturbing, it appears that running beneath the surface of the relationship was a distructive force. a rather disturbing image.
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beautiful dave, nice work. the emotion pours as usual... good climax too- if you know what i mean. : :
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Wish they were happier too. This is some simple imagery...and I find it's often the simplest imagery is the most emotive. Building and repairing a foundation with some cracks in it...pause...and then we fell . Very powerful, I felt like I was falling along with you.
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beauty. tragedy. broken. pieces of love scattered. regret. this i beautiful.. incredible amazingly written. it gave me goosebumps, i love how you said that nothing supported everything. wow this was an inspiring piece.
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Mmm. Great execution of a perhaps cliche topic. I enjoy the images (perhaps because I have such a strong affinity for the Sea) and the play on words regarding the title was priceless. Weird no one mentioned that first - it's what hit me right off the bat.
The images you wind within this peice are crisp and refreshing yet oddly weighty. This is a flawless depiction of human relations. I enjoy the rising, climax, and falling action. The line breaks caught me a bit off-guard in the beginning, but on a second read they did fit the work well.
Job well done... We should meet! :-P
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As always, I find myself struggling to really exact the words to what I feel and think about this...
I really liked it, the words chosen and the gentle malaise about it...
I can never tell if I'm reading ideas/tones into a poem because of my own mood at the time, but I feel like this hits my current situations rather clearly...
Excellent work, as always ^_^
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Very symbolic if you ask me. My interpretation would be the falling and failing of a relationship. Perhaps built on sand (Don't build your house on the sand). "And then we fell" Is perfect for the climax - it's a bittersweet poem. Bitter, obviously, but sweet because of its aestheticness.
To go on, the remains of the house still hurt you (glass). And that special someone is trying to pick up the pieces so it won't hurt as much. I understand completely if this is the meaning behind this poem. Well, the seesaw of love goes back up Thanks for the lovely read.
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gorgeous words as always my dear. just wish they were....happier, i suppose.
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Reminds me of the end of the Wall, which to me is a happy ending. Because all the little children are finding cool things in the rubble. One man's trash......
Nice read. Smooth short easy going, not over the top, but the imagery crafted here is funktabulous. It delivers. imho.
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