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fadingreverie — Marigolds
Published: 2012-10-30 13:26:18 +0000 UTC; Views: 899; Favourites: 14; Downloads: 3
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Description
I.She braved the marigold patch
once a week
a decision all claimed was wise
You're lost
this will set things straight
he will be your guide
II.
There was a narrow path
less marigolds grew there
the apartment awaited
at the end of the path
its owner grew to be a friend
Over lemonade
they discussed possibilities
new beginnings
how lovely
how wonderful
it is to trust each other
as friends (except deeper)
as equals (except closer)
against the backdrop
of such a chaotic world
III.
Some weeks later
blinded by the harsh sun
she dared not look down
a hand skimmed her thigh
On her way home
the marigolds burned her eyes
like fire
as an odd feeling swept over
worm-like
it crawled through
It's just the sun in my eyes
just the fog in my head
that made time stop
and voices disappear
IV.
Marigolds again.
She picked one
mindlessly ripping
each petal
Familiar doors opened
his blond hair created a halo
lit just so
smiling
I'm so glad you came
The worms slithered further
fingers crossed
silent prayers were uttered
V.
Her weight felt heavy
solidly pressed down
on the couch
the sunflower pattern
branded her exposed skin
The worm smiled
rearing its ugly head
the halo winked
so self-assured
A hand picked marigold petals from her hair
VI.
She braved the marigold patch
once a week
a decision all claimed was wise
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Comments: 19
This is so well done, and terribly sad. The writing is beautiful. I love the metaphors you used; they're so original. I caught the meaning on the first read, but it's subtle, and I think this makes it more emotional when you realise what the poem is about. Congrats on the DLD, you definitely deserved it. (:
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Thank you so much for the awesome feedback and the 
I'm glad you caught the meaning, some people didn't really like/get the subtlety in this one...
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This is very intriguing and very well done. The story it tells is sad and disturbing, but you avoided melodrama and used sunny golden marigolds as a motif, which makes the tale of abuse seem more... real, less dramatised, and more hard-hitting because of this.
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Thanks!It's great to know that this could read as something real...I was afraid this topic might not come out so well on paper.
Anyway thank you for the wonderful feedback and the
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Congratulations on the well deserved DLD! Silverinkblot was right about this being subtle, I didn't catch what was going on until a second reading, but I think that subtly makes it all the more emotionally evocative. A very good, very well-structured poem.
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Thanks for stopping by and giving feedback 
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Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DLD (Daily Literature Deviations) in a news article that can be found here [link]
Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by
Keep writing and keep creating.
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Hi there! Just a note to let you know I've featured this piece in my 2012 showcase of literature: [link]
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I see you also added it to your collection for "Suggested DLD" 
Thanks again
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Hello! Just a note to let you know that I've featured this piece in my journal: [link]
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Thank you so much for the
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Interesting. I like the motif of the yellow here.
...was the worm meant to be a penis metaphor? Because, not gonna lie, at the end, when you say the worm reared its head... I know that you're probably going for unwanted sexual desires there, but it's coming across as anatomy, not emotions. Furthermore, there's no real explanation given as to why sex is wrong. I'm just saying there's no explanation that he's pressuring her or that she wants to wait until marriage, and it feels a bit off. Other than that, really excellent poem - I loved the repetition of the first and last stanzas.
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Well...this poem is about sexual abuse .Read it again you may notice that I hint towards that direction. I did try to go for confusion and an undertone of things feeling "off".
I guess the worm is more of a metaphor for the feeling of helplessness, maybe fear. It slowly eats away at the main character, especially since she is unable to react.
I hope I've managed to clarify a few things
Thank you so much for posting your feedback. I'm glad you liked this poem
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Yeah...and I respect that too, definitely, but one of the most difficult things I had to learn as a writer was that you almost basically have to hit the audience over the head with your hints...I'm not saying that you need to change it. I'm just saying that in the future, even with the second and third read-over, I was unable to connect it to sexual abuse, per se. Thanks for the explanation, though, and good luck with the contest.
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