HOME | DD

Failaine — Moonlight
Published: 2008-08-04 16:37:07 +0000 UTC; Views: 127; Favourites: 3; Downloads: 3
Redirect to original
Description Look to the stars
when the ground won't guide you
and look to the moon
when the sun disappears
look towards the shadows
when the light is hiding
and look to the crickets song
when the birds are fast asleep
Look to the cold
when the heat won't warm you
and look to the dim
when the lit blinds you
Look to the night
when the day has gone
and turn towards the dark
when the light has vanished
Turn from the truth
and into the arms of lies
Which will you choose?
sunlight or moonlight?
Related content
Comments: 6

Spriglief [2008-08-30 22:57:11 +0000 UTC]

Very good...

It could use a transition as you change from declarative to question narration. Personally, I would not have changed your poems vector. I would have rather you ended it something like this:

When the truth betrays me
I fall into the arms of lies.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Failaine In reply to Spriglief [2008-08-31 12:20:56 +0000 UTC]

thanks. I always thought that the end was really sloppy, but somehow I think it's one of my best works. haha, shows how good i am.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

AkatsukiLesson [2008-08-04 17:07:48 +0000 UTC]

gosh i love your work.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Failaine In reply to AkatsukiLesson [2008-08-04 17:30:56 +0000 UTC]

thanks! I actually really liked this one. You should read the story I'm starting. I need some constructive critisizm on it. It's called Hosari. you don't have to, just a thought.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

AkatsukiLesson In reply to Failaine [2008-08-05 21:11:39 +0000 UTC]

ok, i'll look at them when i get the time.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Failaine In reply to AkatsukiLesson [2008-08-13 12:51:16 +0000 UTC]

thanks

👍: 0 ⏩: 0