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I saw her piercing blue seas one hungover monday morning
and I knew then which ocean I wanted to drown in first.

all of my rats have tangled their tails
around my liver, my lungs

each other.

and I've tried and failed to burn them out
poison them
dissolve them
tear off their tails.

an endless monarchy of rats.

I want to swim in your ocean, be tugged and tickled
by the tides.

watch the sun rise over the water

watch the sun set over the water

drift me as far away as you can

your blue seas.

so far from syringes and smoke
slumping over and in

dirty couches
filthy chairs.

their tails flailing in your waves.

these bottles and blotter paper surround me with their
continual dying.

when can I see you again?

at the end of my life

waiting on my doorstep your shore in a thin film of snow.