Comments: 106
Melancholy-Spiral [2013-09-29 22:13:04 +0000 UTC]
Wow, this is a really helpful guide! I thank you for that.
But I have a question that is about foster care in general and not writing: You say that only 115,000 out of 425,000 children are adoptable. What about the rest of them? Why can't they be adopted?
If you could answer that I'd appreciate it. And if not, your guide is still helpful! Thanks!
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FlashyFashionFraud In reply to Melancholy-Spiral [2013-09-29 23:25:18 +0000 UTC]
Sure thing!
Well, a lot of kids end up having a bunch of issues, some kids commit suicide, some just never get adopted because parents are still in custody but are technically in rehab or jail or some sort, so they end up going through foster care, if that makes sense.
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Zahnradfee [2013-07-13 01:07:12 +0000 UTC]
This is definitely a good introduction into the topic, thanks for that!
But it also made me sad to read it.
I believe you everything you wrote, but I find it very hard to comprehend why some people have prejudices and animosities against adopted / foster children.
I for my part have been thinking about becoming a foster mum for several years. There are so many kids out there that need help and a loving family, so why not take one or two into my own family if I ever have one? Should I ever have the necessary stability in my life I will probably become a foster mum. Even for older kids - I don't care.
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Jade-Encrusted-Bugs [2013-06-04 00:51:38 +0000 UTC]
It feels like it's been forever since I've commented on your stuff. ;-; But that aside, as someone who is adopted myself and a mother who works with kids and teens in state custody, I'm giving you my stamp of approval!
Also, a little something to add in reguards to fostercare-related prejudice: While I haven't experienced it first hand, when race, religion, ext. is also involved, be it the child or the parent who doesn't what a child or family from a specific group. things can become... very, very messy, to say the least. There is also race-relations in foster care and adoption in general that can have an impact on those within the system, especially when their parents(and even the area they're being raised if it's the majority) are of an ethnicity outside of their own. I could go on, but walls-o-text. *-*
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lohkk [2013-05-31 03:44:12 +0000 UTC]
Also, is it really so common for family to be against adoption? I have an adopted niece and a veerryy big family, and I'm pretty sure the entire family was just as excited about her adoption as they would have been if she'd been born into the family. I never even thought that families might turn their heads over something as silly as a lack of blood relation D:
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lohkk In reply to FlashyFashionFraud [2013-05-31 04:06:28 +0000 UTC]
That's certainly sad.
Personally I'm extremely disgusted by the concept of pregnancy and babies and all that yuck, so if I ever do decide to try to raise something, it will certainly be of an age that it doesn't need diaper changes or spoon feeding. yechk. Adopting teens sounds way more my thing.
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lohkk [2013-05-31 03:41:39 +0000 UTC]
About the "there are approximately 425,000 children in foster care in the United States. It's estimated that 115,000 are eligible for adoption."
Just wondering, but what about the 300,000 that aren't up for adoption? Does that mean that they're already placed in homes, or for whatever reason, those kids aren't allowed to be placed in homes? Just wondering.
Also, it would be neat if you could include a bit about the feeling of finding out you're adopted. I know for a lot of people they're adopted so young that they don't know it and eventually they have to find out. Everyone always plays it off as a feeling of being betrayed and hating your adoptive parents for keeping the truth from you, but is it always so messy? If my parents told me that I was adopted right this moment, I think I'd be curious about my birth parents but I would never be mad at them...
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FlashyFashionFraud In reply to lohkk [2013-05-31 04:21:12 +0000 UTC]
Well...that's the thing...some kids can't be placed in homes. There's some legal reasons and sometimes the kids have too many psychological issues and the like to really be ready for a home. And some kids are at an age where they grow out of foster care and are too old to be adopted. Many kids who go through foster care still have their parents fighting for their legal rights as parents, however, don't always get them. Or if they can, they tend to have to go to rehab or jail. So a bunch of kids have parents waiting for them,so they aren't eligible for adoption. It's a matter of waiting for parents to shape up, sometimes. Then there are the kids who are horribly neglected and need to go through therapy and extensive care in order to function properly before being considered for a home. There are many reasons why the 300,000 kids that are not eligible for adoption, not just one. There are probably more reasons than what I know when it comes to the legal and psychological aspect of that, but I'm not as familiar with it as I am with how the system is run and the kids who are eligible for adoption.
Sure, I can do that. Well, the emotion of finding out later varies from person to person. I know some people who were really shocked and upset because their family had never told them until they were older than 21. Some were okay with it. Most families now are more open at a younger age to their kids if they are adopted. But it can also vary on personalities, the kids' upbringing, etc to really nail how a character or person could react to a situation where they discover that they are adopted.
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lohkk In reply to FlashyFashionFraud [2013-05-31 04:56:54 +0000 UTC]
Thanks for the reply! That makes a lot of sense, but it sure is sad to think about =/
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FlashyFashionFraud In reply to lohkk [2013-06-03 04:07:43 +0000 UTC]
It is. The saddest thing to happen to these kids is if we take in feral children.
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ShaylaPlumFairy [2013-05-31 00:25:39 +0000 UTC]
Over time, will the statistics you give us be continually updated? Not like you have to do it every day or every month, but changing it so that it's current may be a good idea every year or so.
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crazy-aika [2013-05-23 02:50:25 +0000 UTC]
Facts! That is what every writer needs!
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Silencedbook9 [2013-05-23 00:55:11 +0000 UTC]
Wow!!!! This is very detailed and informative … and giving inspiration!!!!!!
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KitschySpookyKitty In reply to FlashyFashionFraud [2013-07-07 10:51:01 +0000 UTC]
A blow horn would scare the crap out of me though if I heard it early enough in the morning.
XD
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FlashyFashionFraud In reply to KitschySpookyKitty [2013-07-08 04:59:41 +0000 UTC]
Hahahahaha I get ya. XD My cousins tried that on me but I didn't wake up. They were so scared they thought I had died or something.
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KitschySpookyKitty In reply to FlashyFashionFraud [2013-07-09 14:07:58 +0000 UTC]
I know right?
:/ and it's very difficult to find time to unwind and that leads to a worse sleep cycle because of stress etc.
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KitschySpookyKitty In reply to FlashyFashionFraud [2013-07-11 08:20:24 +0000 UTC]
Oh definitely :/
Relationships are much harder to maintain because you never know when you can be called into work.
Pre-made plans then go down the drain.
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FlashyFashionFraud In reply to KitschySpookyKitty [2013-07-11 22:08:49 +0000 UTC]
Very! Or when you are ready to do something, sometimes they aren't. Or it's too early or too late to do something.
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caper-dj [2013-05-21 16:42:36 +0000 UTC]
Thank you for writing this I saw this in my inbox and it instantly caught my attention. As a soon-to-be adoptive mom, I always look for the adoptee's point of view. It is essential that I see it from your side. And as someone who will be adopting children (not babies), this POV is even more important for me.
Every where I look, I see misinformation and stigma attached to adoption, it's very awesome of you to provide information that may end some of that. Too often we see movies where the scary orphaned child comes in and murders her entire family (or the bio parents haunt or torment the adoptive parents). There are negatives in adoption, yes, but there are also so many positives. It seems like those stories don't sell books or movie seats (with the exception to "the blind side". )
I'm sorry to hear that some of your family is not willing to accept you. You are a member of their family whether they like it or not. Never waste your time wanting someone who doesn't want you back
Thank you for informing people about the truth that comes with all adoptions. In healthy cases, it's not all good, nor is it all bad. In normal adoptive families, it's not always 100% sunshine and roses, nor is it always 100% misery and suffering. I hope someday my kids can also look back and say, 'yes it was hard, but it was worth it'. All my best to you
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caper-dj In reply to FlashyFashionFraud [2013-05-24 18:29:09 +0000 UTC]
Ah, you are most welcome.
I watched "Despicable Me", thinking, "Oh, here is a movie all about adoption!" Long story short, I don't think I'll be showing it to my kids until they are much older. (Box of shame, you're not wanted / you were bad so back you go to the orphanage). I would give anything for another adoption movie that is realistic and heart warming.
Everything I do now is for my children (and I probably won't be bringing them home for a few more years). I want to know EVERYTHING. The good and the bad. And that includes hearing the adoptees' sides. I think all too often AP's gloss over and only see things from their rose-colored glasses perspective. There is a lot of joy, but there is also a lot of mourning and sadness that comes with adoption. Heck, how else can I raise balanced and self assured adopted children, if I don't prepare for these problems they may face? If I can speak to someone who has been through the process already, and therefore can share with me their trials and tribulations, maybe my kids too will someday be thankful they were adopted.
All my best, thanks for being a positive light in the adoption spectrum. Continue to shine
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