Comments: 108
BenPollack [2008-02-16 20:53:28 +0000 UTC]
Thought it was good overall.
Stanzas 2 and 3 weren't very clear and did not seem tight enough in their depiction of the gull. They were good lines, just not consistent with the theme.
Who knows though, perhaps it was just me?
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ThornyEnglishRose [2008-01-26 14:18:36 +0000 UTC]
Another lovely one. The language is beautiful, and it does look like a flowing river whether you meant it to or not - it works beautifully.
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TheObviousChild [2007-06-07 09:43:23 +0000 UTC]
Hm, from your comments... I pondered the capital letters thing too. I'd do it if it were mine, but there's nothing wrong with it as is. Perhaps, given the spacing of the lines etc, it just makes it trickier to see where one sentence ends and another begins, where the breath-phrasing would go, emphasis-wise. But at the same time I like the muddled-ness.
This comment is, therefore, totally self-defeating.
I like your stuff a lot, you see?
Can we be friends again?
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TheObviousChild [2007-06-07 09:41:32 +0000 UTC]
This is all about the sounds for me, it sounds like a river, but subtly, you haven't resorted to lots of 's' sounds, which would have been the obvious.
I love "alewife."
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fllnthblnk In reply to TheObviousChild [2007-06-07 09:54:16 +0000 UTC]
I love "alewife," too. I originally had "fish," but I thought it too boring and easy.
I'm glad you noticed the "sound" of the poem.
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TheObviousChild In reply to fllnthblnk [2007-06-07 09:58:57 +0000 UTC]
I think I might Fav it. Which will mean nothing since you have a billion favs off the back of the DD, but hey. I like it.
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fllnthblnk In reply to LuisBunuel [2007-05-31 16:17:04 +0000 UTC]
I see people who use that technique, but that's not really my style. Hahaha, but thanks for the suggestion. I'll try considering that with future works.
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Jade-Pandora In reply to fllnthblnk [2007-07-03 08:33:07 +0000 UTC]
i mean this with much earnest & sincerity...
nooo don't forsake the caps for lower-case, don't do it i say!
That way is madness.
Besides, it's not the better style.
Good poem, and congratulations, btw.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
fllnthblnk In reply to CrazyChiken [2007-05-22 04:14:07 +0000 UTC]
Thanks!
I'll go ahead and check your poem out and give you my honest opinion.
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chaifox [2007-05-20 06:39:46 +0000 UTC]
awesome! its hard to find poets who write freely like this
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Chickadeekin [2007-05-20 02:44:14 +0000 UTC]
this is so wonderful, and light; It floats. and I'm not saying that because it's a boyant sea-bird. Really good stuff. It reads like some kind of Eastern poetry. Well deserveed DD!
(I see you giving away cookies..I'd rather have the cheese, if you really must...)
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
GardenProphet [2007-05-20 01:59:25 +0000 UTC]
I love the shape of this, both literally and word-choice wise. To me, this feels almost like haiku, with the gorgeous use of sound and vividly clear images. Thank you for sharing!
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GardenProphet In reply to fllnthblnk [2007-05-21 08:12:57 +0000 UTC]
::now craves lettuce:: dammit! There is not lettuce in Japan!
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nnf247 [2007-05-20 01:36:17 +0000 UTC]
Good job of being chosen Poet.
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RubytheEcidna [2007-05-20 00:14:20 +0000 UTC]
O.O STOP MAKIN THINGS SO LONG!!!!
👍: 0 ⏩: 2
nnf247 In reply to fllnthblnk [2007-05-20 01:35:01 +0000 UTC]
What got her???
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
nnf247 In reply to fllnthblnk [2007-05-20 02:29:17 +0000 UTC]
It may not work
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
zardorestinpeace [2007-05-19 21:45:13 +0000 UTC]
Lovely, the DD was much deserved.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
GeneratingHype [2007-05-19 16:41:41 +0000 UTC]
Congratulations on the DD!
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