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First Catch
Published: 2007-04-27 03:47:43 +0000 UTC; Views: 3607; Favourites: 74; Downloads: 48
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Description
A river caressedEach bend and precipice
Webbed fingers
Wrinkles
And the gentle pok-pok
Of alewife
Scales of fractured light
Sequin
Silk-skin dipping
Of infant waterfalls
A hazy mist
The mother's fan
Dawn—half-full, half-night
Peek-a-booing sand
Each iris, intent
Pectorals paddling
Snap-snap! Twin canoes
Then a quick gulp!
Ah! The life of a gull!
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Comments: 108
Heavy and vivid, I admire this!
You picked me up with your words, and placed me in this scene.
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Thought it was good overall.
Stanzas 2 and 3 weren't very clear and did not seem tight enough in their depiction of the gull. They were good lines, just not consistent with the theme.
Who knows though, perhaps it was just me?
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Another lovely one. The language is beautiful, and it does look like a flowing river whether you meant it to or not - it works beautifully.
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Hm, from your comments... I pondered the capital letters thing too. I'd do it if it were mine, but there's nothing wrong with it as is. Perhaps, given the spacing of the lines etc, it just makes it trickier to see where one sentence ends and another begins, where the breath-phrasing would go, emphasis-wise. But at the same time I like the muddled-ness.
This comment is, therefore, totally self-defeating.
I like your stuff a lot, you see?
Can we be friends again?
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This is all about the sounds for me, it sounds like a river, but subtly, you haven't resorted to lots of 's' sounds, which would have been the obvious.
I love "alewife."
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I love "alewife," too. I originally had "fish," but I thought it too boring and easy.
I'm glad you noticed the "sound" of the poem.
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I think I might Fav it. Which will mean nothing since you have a billion favs off the back of the DD, but hey. I like it.
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Thank you for the favorite—they are always boosts to self-esteem no matter how many!
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Congrats on the DD, well deserved!
I'm wondering (on a purely aesthetical level) if the piece would improve by removing the capital letters that begin each line. I understand that these things come down to personal preference, but maybe it's something to ponder?
Again, lovely work.
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I see people who use that technique, but that's not really my style. Hahaha, but thanks for the suggestion. I'll try considering that with future works.
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i mean this with much earnest & sincerity...
nooo don't forsake the caps for lower-case, don't do it i say!
That way is madness.
Besides, it's not the better style.
Good poem, and congratulations, btw.
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Don't worry, I won't.
Thanks!
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moshpit is such an explosive term! i simply love it.
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Wow dude, I really like it! The format is cool and made me think of a river, and the ending was a surprise that put a smile on my face.
Love has actually just started to get me into poetry (I wonder how many other poets started that way! 
~Thomas
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Thanks!
I'll go ahead and check your poem out and give you my honest opinion.
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awesome! its hard to find poets who write freely like this
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Ooohhh... I feel like a rare jewel!
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I love the structure! It just reminds me of the beach, in wavey sort of way
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Mmm... waveyness... [drools]
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this is so wonderful, and light; It floats. and I'm not saying that because it's a boyant sea-bird. Really good stuff. It reads like some kind of Eastern poetry. Well deserveed DD!
(I see you giving away cookies..I'd rather have the cheese, if you really must...)
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All right... I'm on my last wedge! Tis especially for you!
And as a parting gift, one of these, too:
Thanks for the comment!
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Cool, cheese! lol!
and a...er..thingy!
Your welcome. Keep writting! Your wonderful!
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I love the shape of this, both literally and word-choice wise. To me, this feels almost like haiku, with the gorgeous use of sound and vividly clear images. Thank you for sharing!
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Ah, thanks for this insightful comment. You divine with pretty roses (I'm spinning off your name, *coughcough* yeah... lame, I know).
As a thank-you, I offer you this:
I'm almost out of cookies...
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hahaha. Thanks.
My name is actually a play on an old joke: See, I can tell the future, but only ordinary futures. So I'm a garden-variety prophet.
I think I'll go look at your other poems now, yes?
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Mmm... garden-varieties...
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::now craves lettuce:: dammit! There is not lettuce in Japan!
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Thanks!
I appreciate your 247-ness! A swell number, I do say!
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that....really wasn't long 
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who r u 2 talkin about? if its me, GIVEME COOKIE!!! 
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I don't know... I shall give her a 
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Cookies for all!
And one of these:
And a cheese, of course!
Thanks for the comment!
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Congrats on the DD! That's a great poem there!
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Thank you, Mr. Guffaw. I offer you a cookie—
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I graciously accept your cookie, and in return offer you a gummybear...
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