Comments: 17
Isriana [2012-04-01 14:12:19 +0000 UTC]
I felt like re-reading these last chapters before moving on to the newest one you posted. Here is also my terribly delayed comment about this one – I can't believe I'm such a slowpoke when it comes to writing.
I think I have said this before, but I really like how you compose your chapters. Reading requires some concentration when past and present events take turns within only few paragraphs, but it's also something that makes the story intriguing. It seems you always manage to reveal just enough to arouse curiosity, yet not too much to make the plot too obvious. I had my expectations about Rustyn's reappearance through this entire chapter, but I really enjoyed how I couldn't be 100% sure about her identity until she chose to write her name down. Not to mention her behaviour is so drastically different now that I just couldn't help pondering ”yes, it must be her... but no, it just can't be her”...
I like the way you introduced the new characters of the story – at first just very general view of them, next their names, and then something about their individual personalities via dialogue and actions. The technique feels quite natural and effective.
The chapter ends with a plot twist I was kind of suspecting ever since Sand turned that last page of the quest book, but it was enjoyable nevertheless. The first time I read this I just had to jump to the next chapter right away because the ending just raised so many questions about what on earth happened to Rustyn after she boarded that unlucky ship, and even more: what will happen when the master and his former apprentice eventually meet again.
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Fomalhaut48 In reply to Lweeling [2012-02-04 09:11:09 +0000 UTC]
And might try to write a review in French, though you will probably pull your hair out and I always put the accents in the wrong places.
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Lweeling In reply to Fomalhaut48 [2012-02-04 11:23:37 +0000 UTC]
No problem, I understand the difficulties! I hope my story is understandable for you. ^^
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Lweeling In reply to Fomalhaut48 [2012-02-04 11:22:52 +0000 UTC]
Thanks, that's nice of you! ^^
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Aeltari [2011-02-23 21:07:51 +0000 UTC]
I had not read this one yet!
Rustyn was SO angry when we first met up with her again. I was surprised that the quiet sweet little girl she once was had been replaced with this angry, violent woman! It made me instantly wonder what had happened to her to change her so drastically.
I liked the reference to her hair turning to kelp.
What is a svirfneblin? I have never heard that before.
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Aeltari In reply to Fomalhaut48 [2011-02-23 23:18:38 +0000 UTC]
Wow a deep gnome. Never heard of them lol. I admit I tend to stick to elves or the human types.
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Aeltari In reply to Fomalhaut48 [2011-02-24 13:46:42 +0000 UTC]
Aww Grobnar. You are the only one who actually likes him this much. I saw him as comedy relief really, and its nice to have different races in a story. Adds to the overall feel.
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