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Foolish-Hearts β€” Self-Destruct

#bosmer #crylittlesister #dark #elderscrolls #elf #emo #emohair #goodbye #horns #purple #sage #skyrim #tes #vent #ventart #woodelf #darkbrotherhood #digitalreplicant #tesv #tesvskyrim #ancientblood #vantablack #greenpact #foolishhearts #lineless #linelessart
Published: 2019-08-30 06:23:12 +0000 UTC; Views: 1867; Favourites: 99; Downloads: 1
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Description

Song: Marilyn Manson- Cry Little Sister

VENT ART.
I know my vent art is kind of unorthodox but I wasn't really thinking normally. This is for my brother, James. He passed away yesterday morning (Aug.29th, 2019). I'm not going to go into details or get all cathartic right now. I drew Sage in this manner because his character was highly influenced by my brother. Mostly his negative traits. I'm not sure if I feel guilty for doing that or if it was just a way for me to explore the person he was. I still don't understand why things had to happen this way and it pains me to admit that I saw it coming. Some people destroy themselves just to feel alive.

Anyway, this song that I linked... my brother and I didn't get along as kids. He hated me since the day I was born. But... there was this song from the movie The Lost Boys that he would always say was my song. So when Marilyn Manson did a cover of it... he got so excited. Marilyn Manson was my brother's hero since I can remember. A couple of weeks ago, James moved back home for the first time in probably 15 years. He came to visit me and immediately had me youtube this video. It means more to me now than it ever did.Β 

Goodbye, James. I hope someday to understand you better.

Β 


Skyrim, Elder Scrolls, etc all owned by Bethesda
Sage= my OC


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Comments: 40

Backer269 [2019-09-06 03:41:02 +0000 UTC]

From a complete stranger who stumbled upon this piece, my thoughts go with you. I can empathize a bit as I had lost my older brother five years ago to drugs and alcohol. All I can say is to try and keep the good memories of your brother, remember happier times. It can be difficult but I don't think anyone close can truly be lost, they'll always be with you in some capacity.

As for the piece itself, it looks/feels kinda uh...otherworldly(I don't know if that's the right term). The face looks realistic to me and that eye of his pierces right through my soul, the neutral expression on his face has one effect or another too. I can imagine some sort of subtle humming noise or just silence with those purple particles as well. Again, feels otherworldly.

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Foolish-Hearts In reply to Backer269 [2019-09-06 03:46:42 +0000 UTC]

Thank you for your kind words. It has been a confusing week for me but I just returned from the funeral a few hours ago and I am feeling a bit more at peace with it. Everyone from his life seemed to be there and we all shared fun stories. We kept it light, for the most part. So you are quite correct about trying to focus on the happier times. I'm hoping to do another piece of "vent art" soon for him. Something more specific to who he was (rather than my OC whom I used traits in)Β 
I drew this when I came home from the hospital so it was mostly just done to keep my mind occupied and not sit and stare at the wall in disbelief.Β 

I suppose the otherworldly vibes would be accurate to where my mind was while I was drawing this. My mom said it best, that it felt like "suspended reality". I'm rambling now but thank you so much for your comment and feedback. I truly appreciate it. <3

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Backer269 In reply to Foolish-Hearts [2019-09-06 04:11:44 +0000 UTC]

You're very welcome and I wish you better days in the future(that sounded corny but oh well). Yeah, suspended reality really describes this piece best in my mind.

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fancybirdy [2019-09-02 13:56:54 +0000 UTC]

I am so, so sorry for your loss. This is an extremely powerful image, it feels like he's looking right through me. I can't quite describe it.

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Foolish-Hearts In reply to fancybirdy [2019-09-02 14:08:38 +0000 UTC]

Thank you. I wasn't quite sure what I was doing when I drew this, but I assume that's how vent art works. Just putting emotion onto canvas. I rarely do lineless/semi-realistic stuff but I needed a distraction. His funeral is on Thursday so even though I've been trying to draw more "uplifting" stuff (like how listening to happy music when you're sad can improve your mood) I'm probably going to have to do another vent art at the end of the week.

My story has been a blessing for me to process emotions though and of all the sick irony, one of my characters lost his son not too long ago and is coping with it. The character is also the brother of one of the main characters and they are about to come together to mourn. I was able to filter some of my thoughts through a chapter I wrote yesterday as he talked with his friend (the collateral damage art ) so I became my own therapist which sounds funny, but it helps to view things from all sides. I'm not sure where I was going with this comment so I'll stop here. XD I lost my train of thought.
But thank you. <3

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fancybirdy In reply to Foolish-Hearts [2019-09-03 21:58:10 +0000 UTC]

Sure, absolutely. You're tapping into that deep soul non-verbal part. Thanks for letting me know about that chapter, I'll be sure to check it out. I haven't had a chance to read your story yet, but I've been meaning to. I'm so glad that you have this inner universe to support you and help you express things. Art is pure therapeutic magic in this way, and it brings people together. We're all here for you. <3

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Nova-Itachi-Novachi [2019-09-02 10:24:02 +0000 UTC]

I'm sorry for your loss love. Do what you need to, to vent and cope with these emotions. Grief is a long process. Especially in the wake of someone who self-destructed and was lost to drugs. Confusing. My own aunt is doing the same to our family and caused the death of my grandfather. It's a tragic and all-too common story these days.
<3 Stay strong. We love you. <3

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Foolish-Hearts In reply to Nova-Itachi-Novachi [2019-09-02 13:44:44 +0000 UTC]

Thank you. It's all so confusing to me but I'm just trying to find a productive outlet. When my father passed in 2014, I didn't have art/my story/this account. I just drank and fell in a hole of depression by myself. But this account and all of the people I've met here over the last year have been a HUGE help for me not just with having a positive way to cope when my personal symptoms get bad, but in times like this. I have friends on FB that I've known most of my life. Many of which knew my brother when we were younger... but I posted on DA first and have been more active here in my mourning. It shows what a precious family you guys are for me even though I've never met any of you or know your real names. It's a beautiful thing.
Sorry, I'm rambling. lol but yes, thank you for your kind words. <3

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MoggyMan [2019-09-01 21:25:08 +0000 UTC]

So sorry for your loss

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Foolish-Hearts In reply to MoggyMan [2019-09-01 21:55:42 +0000 UTC]

Thank you

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Gosh-Heck [2019-08-30 21:58:45 +0000 UTC]

I wish I had more to say, but I'm sorry for your loss. I'll be praying for you and your family

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Foolish-Hearts In reply to Gosh-Heck [2019-08-30 22:30:15 +0000 UTC]

Thank you. I don't have much to say either. It's kinda strange. But that's what art is for. I can say things better that way.

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Gosh-Heck In reply to Foolish-Hearts [2019-08-31 06:30:13 +0000 UTC]

Yeah totally, it's why I always fall back to it to say what I cant figure out how to

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sam92088 [2019-08-30 21:09:38 +0000 UTC]

I'm sorry for your loss

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Foolish-Hearts In reply to sam92088 [2019-08-30 21:10:16 +0000 UTC]

Thank you

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CinnamewRoll [2019-08-30 19:08:04 +0000 UTC]

It's horrible to lose a loved one, family no less, in such a horrible way. I lost my mother when I was just a kid, you just can't believe it's true when you hear the news, but it is reality. And it's sad. My condolences for your brother, may he be at a better place now in the afterlife. And also, you did a great work on this art piece, making Sage look somewhat realistic with a touch of some snazzy effects.

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Foolish-Hearts In reply to CinnamewRoll [2019-08-30 19:17:03 +0000 UTC]

Thank you. I still am in the denial stage I think because I don't feel like he's gone. After I lost my father, it took a few weeks for it to sink it. There would be a "trigger". A song or a tv show. Something that made me think, "Oh! He'd love this!" and then I'd remember. Though, with my brother, I think that song will be the trigger. It's been on my playlist for a while and I know at some point it will come on and it'll just hit me. I may or may not be ready for it, but I'll do my best to process it. There's no set plan for mourning.

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Dysfunctional-Horror [2019-08-30 18:52:40 +0000 UTC]

Its a very strong piece, i could tell the moment i saw it. Reading the description hit home for me too, most of my siblings are fighting the same thing, one of my brothers is in rehab right now for the same thing again. I always have that thought cross my head everytime he's mentioned. Im really sorry for your loss, my condolences.

I guess in a way he'll live on in sage even if those traits arent positive. My characters sometimes draw inspiration from real people i know as well, not often but sometimes i wish more often.

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Foolish-Hearts In reply to Dysfunctional-Horror [2019-08-30 19:01:56 +0000 UTC]

Thank you. My brother loved characters like Sage. The Joker, Darth Vader, Albert Wesker, Tyler Durden... he loved bad guys. So even though I felt guilty at first for portraying the negative parts of my brother's personality in Sage, I feel that he'd have gotten a kick out of it. I never told him about this since I never talked to him about my story much at all, but now I wish I had. I also learned how beneficial vent art can be. It kept my mind focused on something productive. Now I'm going to try to draw some more wholesome and happy things. Like listening to happy music to lift your mood, I think drawing happy things might help too.

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Dysfunctional-Horror In reply to Foolish-Hearts [2019-08-30 19:07:36 +0000 UTC]

Vent art is a wonderful tool us artists get to utilize, I notice whenever making it never matters how its drawn but you can always feel the emotions in the peice.
I wouldnt feel guilty, even if their bad traits their still parts of him that sage will carry on. I'm sure he wouldve loved sage though based on those characters.

I look forward to seeing the wholesome though, always a sweet relief to jump from after some vent artwork c:

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Ekkodahl [2019-08-30 18:44:43 +0000 UTC]

I think this is the first time I've ever taken the time to actually comment on one of your pieces (asides from shameless stalking, lol. I'm terribly busy, so I usually never have the time to comment either), but this one in particular just seems to... Really draw me in and somehow struck me emotionally, even before I read your description. I really debated whether I should comment or not, because I suck ass at expressing myself the right way at times, but this time I just couldn't not. Not only because it's incredibly beautiful, but also because Sage is one of my faves from your fanfic (I'm not caught up, or well, technically a bit - I read the chapters in different order, even though I know it should be illegal :') gotta sit down and read everything in the right order someday.) - he's an asshole and I love it.Β 

Besides from all that, I'm sorry for your loss. I hope things clears up soon for you, I really do. In the meantime, know that you have a shitton of nice readers/watchers cheering for you on the side. I too enjoy your stuff very much, so imma join in the ranksΒ β™₯

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Foolish-Hearts In reply to Ekkodahl [2019-08-30 18:55:09 +0000 UTC]

Oh, my... you're making me tear up. Thank you so much for your kind words! I'm also not that great at expressing myself coherently and that's why I prefer to do that through both my story and my art. I'm honored that you are a secret "stalker". I know I have several quiet watchers and I'm always wondering what they are thinking and I worry if I'm being too dramatic or weird sometimes.

Sage is a great character because he is fun to hate. Having him being so highly inspired by my brother's "bad side" felt like a negative at first, but while drawing this, I've decided to keep exploring this personality to see if I can get a better understanding of people like this. I may learn nothing in the end, but at least I have a little part of my brother along for the ride. But I will try to incorporate some of his good traits into Sage now as well (but not too much to ruin the villain vibes! lol) James loved characters like the Joker and Dark Vader so I think he'd be honored to know that I put a piece of him into such a tortured character.Β 

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Juame [2019-08-30 18:41:54 +0000 UTC]

Oh this is so good

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Foolish-Hearts In reply to Juame [2019-08-30 18:42:55 +0000 UTC]

Thank you! I don't do lineless very often but I felt this piece was special enough to try it again.

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Juame In reply to Foolish-Hearts [2019-08-30 19:12:46 +0000 UTC]

Lineless is harder, but i always admire artists who can do that. This piece of yours really turned our well. I love the lighting and the theme very much.

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the-exiled-muse [2019-08-30 17:18:02 +0000 UTC]

Beautifully powerful. I like how the eye pierces the darkness. We may never know what he's seeing or to where/whom he's reaching out to. And that seems fitting here.Β 

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Foolish-Hearts In reply to the-exiled-muse [2019-08-30 17:28:59 +0000 UTC]

Thank you. My mind was in a fog while drawing this so the inspiration was mostly out of confusion and emotion. Eyes can be very impactful so the uncertainty and wonder you get from his stare is indeed perfect.

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cherrySake [2019-08-30 16:20:37 +0000 UTC]

O_______O
Oh. My. .... I'm so sorry. I'm so so so sorry. I feel like a super mega ultra asshole. I'm so sorry. I made stupid comments before hearing of your loss and you probably mentioned it before now. But I feel like a total asshole. Here my fucking dumb ass is saying how I hate Sage. I didn't know. I'm SO sorry. I'm such a stupid fucking dumb idoit!!!! Chapter 61 hit me in a bad way and I let it get to me. I shouldn't have said anything I should've listened to my gut and not said anything before getting caught up. I've been sort of reading several chapters a day to catch-up because I was on about chapter 30 for months because my mind was parinoid that if I read anything it would twist my own ideas. Which is stupid to think and I'm soo out of the loop because of my unreasonable fear.Β 
Sage just.... some stuff he did in those early chapters... reminded me of stuff I don't want to remember.
I'm rambling like a fucking idoit but I feel so bad that my stupid self said stuff like that and then..... fucking ironic coincidence, my dumb fucking self says stupid shit about a character based...

Sorry. I know I said it a million times. But I really am sorry if my stupid comments hurt you. I'm going to drink a gallon of milk now because I said a bunch of bad words.Β 

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Foolish-Hearts In reply to cherrySake [2019-08-30 16:28:45 +0000 UTC]

Don't worry! You didn't say or do anything wrong! Sage is a character that people love to hate. He's meant to be an antagonist/bad guy. He's the embodiment of many bad traits but just as Jade isn't me just because she has similar features, Sage isn't James. I take inspiration from many people both fictional and people I know. I do this in order to "get into their mind" and figure them out. Please don't feel bad! I didn't take any of the things you commented as negative. I delight in your feedback. Sage is meant to be a character you hate. I put myself into my story as well to examine my flaws. Seb is my sona for many things. Especially when it comes to paranoia and awkwardness when it comes to social stuff. Over-thinking. etc.
Anyone who doesn't hate Sage either isn't very far into the story, or they are probably just into villains. XD

It's all good. Dip some cookies in that milk. <3

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cherrySake In reply to Foolish-Hearts [2019-08-30 18:07:26 +0000 UTC]

Thanks, that puts my heart at ease.
Sorry I didn't reply to your message right away, I was beating myself up pretty bad.

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Mordelia [2019-08-30 11:00:12 +0000 UTC]

I'm so sorry for your loss

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Foolish-Hearts In reply to Mordelia [2019-08-30 16:29:17 +0000 UTC]

Thank you

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Corriandra [2019-08-30 10:17:06 +0000 UTC]

I know I'm often silent, but I've always loved seeing your art show up in the group. It's heartbreaking to hear about these things. Last Thursday I heard the news of someone else pass away, within my circle of extended friends. This weekend is the anniversary of a loved one passing on. The week leading up to it somehow becomes somber each year. Just tuck this e-hug away for when you're in the mood for one.

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Foolish-Hearts In reply to Corriandra [2019-08-30 16:31:34 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much. I do worry cuz I know I submit a ton of stuff to groups since I draw every day so knowing that you enjoy it makes me happy. Thanks for the e-hug, too. ^^

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Corriandra In reply to Foolish-Hearts [2019-09-09 10:07:19 +0000 UTC]

I used to be a daily drawer like you, but then I... Actually, I hit artist's block for a really long time. You create art without holding yourself back, and you dare to take risks. You're more worried about self-expression than impressing others, and that's what a true artist should do.

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DonFuchs [2019-08-30 08:07:35 +0000 UTC]

This art greatly attracted my attention. For a long time I could not tear myself away from it...
I'm sorry about your brother. My condolences. I hope that doesn't sound too formal...

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Foolish-Hearts In reply to DonFuchs [2019-08-30 16:30:08 +0000 UTC]

Thank you <3

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DonFuchs In reply to Foolish-Hearts [2019-08-31 08:12:05 +0000 UTC]

Β 

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KiboUniverse [2019-08-30 07:40:42 +0000 UTC]

I can relate at least to some extent, my mom died 10 years ago and she was the only human being who loved me...I wish you to get better as soon as possible .__.Β 

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Foolish-Hearts In reply to KiboUniverse [2019-08-30 16:29:30 +0000 UTC]

Thank you

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