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foxdrum — Akurei
Published: 2004-06-15 20:19:21 +0000 UTC; Views: 294; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 17
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- Quite a long while ago there were two races that lived in a relative peace with each other. The Kyoryoku and the Keihanzai. But, greed and hate developed in the Keihanzai and they attempted to rule the Kyoryoku but they did not realize that their innocent strength had been taken from them and given to that that they wished to rule. The Kyoryoku banished the Keihanzai deep inside Wakusei, the planet, for their evil acts. While the Keihanzai were festering inside Wakusei, the Kyoryoku were developing their new found powers knowing that the seal keeping the Keihanzai within the planet would not last. Centuries passed and the Kyoryoku grew few down to only the few who had been chosen to keep the power living. They had planned one very powerful being would be alive when the Keihanzai broke free, the Yorokobi. There would also be a few people who had powers instilled in them, but they could never get to the highest level. And, there would be a protector of the Yorokobi, Mamoru. Who knew that day would come so soon…- “Hm…room 204…”
- I was looking to find out where they had newly assigned me after my old homeroom teacher had disappeared…Mr.Janahl Riu, a very kind, very handsome young teacher that everybody loved. He was a friend of mine and recently disappeared without a clue to where he had gone…people have been disappearing lately in our town and it seems that they’ve been people who are related to me. First it was Roanoke, my house sitter, then Sonoco a man I had once worked for and now it seems as though the people are getting closer related to me.
- “Isn’t that Ms.Renada’s classroom? I can’t stand her! Great, this is gonna be terrible! Oh well, there’s no grade in that class so it wont matter”
- Ms.Renada was the most despised teacher in the school! She was an absolute witch! Well, the year’s almost over so there won’t be TOO much pain involved, right?
- “Ah, here it is, room 204”
- “Ah yes! Come in! You were in MR.Riu’s class before, right?”
- “Yes Ms.Renada” I said, trying to be as polite as I can be
- “Neko?”
- “Yes Ma’am”
- “Well Neko, my class is MUCH different than his, I hope you know. You follow MY rules and if my rules are broken you’ll find yourself in a very – uncomfortable situation” she said to me, grinning a very ugly wide grin. “Take a seat”
- I looked around to find anybody I knew…nobody…. so I took a seat next to the window and near the back of the class
- “I’m Nokosu, you in Mr.Riu’s class?” said the boy sitting next to me. He was a little on the short side with spiked black hair and tan skin. He was wearing a black coat and a black shirt underneath and black bondage pants. I was surprised that I didn’t notice that there was someone like me in the class. I have dark red hair and I wear a bunch of necklaces that include three cat collars. I dress in red and black clothes all the time.
- “Yeah…I’m Neko” I said nervously…I mean, I’m not afraid of boys or anything, but I was nervous because I didn’t know what torture I was going to have to bear in Ms.Renada’s class.
- “Don’t worry, she’s not that horrible once you get used to her angry tone of voice, just stay quiet”
- “Thank you.”
- “You’re welco—“ He didn’t get to finish as the principle walked in and pulled Ms.Renada out of the class.
- I just looked at Nokosu. He returned my confused gaze.
- “What do you think happened?”
- “I don’t know” I said in a shaky voice. What if someone else had disappeared? Would they follow the pattern and be related to me?
- Ms.Renada walked back into the classroom and announced in a nervous voice “Class, I’ll need all of you to follow me to the back of the school in front of the Miru tree.”
- In back of our school is a forest that a little way in has a very large tree that has bark that has formed so it looks like it has a huge eye that watches you. The only time they ever have students come to the tree during school is when they really don’t want people in the school.
- “Another person has been taken. We have no time, I need to get you far away from here!”
- “What? Nokosu, what are you talking about?”
- “I’ll explain later but we need to go NOW!”
- I would have stopped him but he grabbed me by the wrist and we ran into the forest past all the classes by the Miru tree and deeper and deeper into the woods. We passed strange glowing blue stones that I hadn’t seen before even though I had been in the forest many times before. He pulled me behind this huge tree that seemed to have black bark and glowing red eyes embedded into it.
- “You should be safe here. “ he looked at my wrist and the slight red marks he had left from yanking me. “I’m sorry, the last thing I meant to do was hurt you.”
- “Don’t worry but why did you pull me away? How did you know I was in danger?”
- “You knew that they could have gotten you? And you didn’t do anything about it?! You do know how important you are, right?!”
- “I know, but I though I’d be safe since a lot of people are around but I never thought they’d venture into the school like this….Wait, how do YOU know who I am?! How do you know who they are?!”
- “I know because I’m the Mamoru”
- “You’re the Mamoru? You were created to protect me?”
- “Yes…and I’m willing to go to any lengths to protect you.” As soon as he had said that we heard massive screaming. It was the school. But what exactly was attacking them?
- “Come on, lets go” I said pulling him up
- Pulling me back down he replied “Are you insane?! I can’t let you be in danger like that!”
- “Do you not remember the stories? I am said to be born very powerful, and I have been training, you were sent to protect me, not keep me from defeating the Keihanzai. Now lets go!” I didn’t give him any time to respond. I just pulled him up and started running tward the school. I hid behind one of the trees looking at the Miru tree where the terrified group of students stood. They all seemed flustered as if they had seen something very bizarre. Suddenly a hideous creature flew down and landed right behind me.
- I heard the unsheathing of a sword and Nokosu’s voice. “Touch her and die” I turned around and looked right in the creature’s eyes… his orange, flaming eyes. It was tall and covered in short grey fur. It had teeth that stuck out of its mouth slightly and large wolf-like ears. It snarled at me and I frowned back. It took a step closer to me, raised it arm and was about to strike me when….slice! Off went his arm and the creature flew away with its grey furry wings, screeching. I looked at Nokosu in his true form. He was the same height but he was covered in short dark tan fur with many black stripes. He also had big cat ears coming out of the top of his head. And, he had a tail and a set of dark tan bat wings with black stripes. He held a large black blade, made of a material called Kurai Metaru, the only metal that can affect the Keihanzai or the Kyoryoku.
- “Thanks” I said to him smiling.
- “You’re quite welcome. It’s my job.” He said returning a smile….man he has a nice smile…holy crap! Did I just think that?! Don’t tell me I’m starting to like him!
- “You okay? You’re blushing…”
- “Huh? Oh! I’m okay…”I said trying to make myself stop blushing. He giggled and smiled.
- “Don’t worry about it”
- “Thanks…wait! Worry about what?!” He just laughed and stood up.
- “We should leave”
- “Right. I’ll see you tomorrow?”
- “Yes and hopefully they’ll have things cleared up by then”
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Comments: 4
This is not something I've done for a long time. I logged in.
To comment.
Call it a gift - take it as you will. Hello.
Once you get past the fact that the characters names are (to me) almost unpronouncable (this is not a bad thing, really, I'm just no good at names) the background and basis of a good story are there. Pushing grammar (and grampa) aside, because quite frankly, let someone else worry about that, you've got a good beginning, Paige.
Your first paragraph, the introduction, prologue or whatever you plan to call it, should possibly be fleshed out just a little. Not all tolkieny, of course, he did WAY too much of the fleshing...so much that it was hard to find the bones! You've got the bones, you've got the skill - grab a little flesh and stick it on.
Well done.
Regards,
The Gaunt fellah who never writes, draws or replies to anything anymore cos he's fucking lazy...
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Chyuuu! That's awsome Paige! I am verily impressed!
Hmm...critiques...well there're a few grammatical errors- have you run this through a spelling/grammar checker like on microsoft word? Also the names are a little confusing (easy to get em mixed up) but there are lots of stories out there that do the same thing (Lord of the Rings, most animes).
I love this! I can't wait to read more!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1