gaunt [2004-06-17 09:58:00 +0000 UTC]
This is not something I've done for a long time. I logged in.
To comment.
Call it a gift - take it as you will. Hello.
Once you get past the fact that the characters names are (to me) almost unpronouncable (this is not a bad thing, really, I'm just no good at names) the background and basis of a good story are there. Pushing grammar (and grampa) aside, because quite frankly, let someone else worry about that, you've got a good beginning, Paige.
Your first paragraph, the introduction, prologue or whatever you plan to call it, should possibly be fleshed out just a little. Not all tolkieny, of course, he did WAY too much of the fleshing...so much that it was hard to find the bones! You've got the bones, you've got the skill - grab a little flesh and stick it on.
Well done.
Regards,
The Gaunt fellah who never writes, draws or replies to anything anymore cos he's fucking lazy...
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