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Germangamergirl101 — Belgiums Journey Chapter 1
Published: 2012-12-03 04:33:11 +0000 UTC; Views: 432; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 1
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Description Chapter 1: First meeting..
BELGIUMS POV~
I woke up feeling somewhat nervous,today was my first world meeting. Just a year ago today,my country became recognized and officialy became a nation. My countrys name is Belgium, thats what all the other countrys call me. Now its not my human name, my human name is (I dont know her human name xc), only certain people are aloud to use my human name. My country is kinda small, which isnt really good since right now we are in World War II . This war is the Germans & Russians fighting over god knows what! I'm allies with Russia, which in my case is wonderful since Russia is the most biggest and powerful nation in the world. Anyway, I got up and took a hot shower, got my hair and makeup ready. I rarely wear makeup and get really fancy, but I'm not sure how I'm suppost to dress at the meeting, also I want to make a good impression. I looked through my wardrobe of clothes and winter apparel, I found a nice dress that looked so pretty. I then checked everything on me, grabbed my things and imediatly told my servants to get a plane ready. On the plane, I looked out the window and saw nothng but clouds and snow, I assumed that I was on the borderline of Russia. Finally after about 3 hours in the air, I landed in Moscow, Russia. I felt nervous and excited at the same time, I then got into the car I was reserved to and drove to the meeting center of: Sumeshashen Artyom (Idk something I made up). I was greeted by a tall, blonde haired, blue eyed man who had his hair slicked back by hair gell, "Hallo, your Belgium right?" I looked at the man, "Yes I am, I'm here for the World Meeting?" He smiled. "Ah ja,ja! Right this way fraulin Belgium" "Your Germany right?" I asked politely. "Ja, I am Germany" "Its very nice to meet you Germany, a real honnor infact" He smiled and lead me into a room full of people. "Alright frauline Belgium, all you have to do is find you seat and meet your allys and try to not be rude also" "Ok thank you very much". He then walked back to his seat. I looked around, I then felt my knees go weak, everyone stared at me. Everyone. Just. Stared. I started to bend my head down and look for my seat with my folder infront of it. I found it after doing what seemed like the walk of shame, I sat down next to a very tall man with platnium blonde hair and violet purple eyes, he was wearing a long, beige, coat and a white/pinkish scarf wrapped around his neck, not revealing any part of it. My cheeks turned a light pink when he caught me staring at me, he smiled at me, "Privet young lady." he had a thick Russian accent. "H-hello um..." "Call me Russia." "Oh um hi Russia, I'm new here." "So you are new country, da?." "Yeah, I'm Belgium." "Oh I have heared much about your country." I  was suprised. "You have?" "Da, I think its a wonderful country." my face heated up again "Oh um, t-thank you Russia." "Your welcome Belgium." He was about to speak again until a man with shoulder length blonde hair and a slightly stubbly chin ran over and kissed my hand. "Whoa!" "Bonjor beautiful!" He smiled a seductive smile. Russia's eyebrows raised and he started to say something quietly along the lines of, kolkolkolkol. "Russia? what is your problem? Im just trying to introduce myself to this beautiful new country." "Didnt you see that I was talking to her first?!" Russia stated angrily. "No, anyway I'm France and you must be..." France took a glance at my folder. "Belgium, no?." "I am Belgium." "Well Belgium, you are a beautiful, beautiful country~ohhonhononon." "Thank you France.". I stopped and looked at Russia, he had a dark purplish aura around him, France then turned around, right after France saw Russia, he imediatly started to run away. I was confused why he ran away, but I brushed it off. I smiled at Russia and his aura faded away. "Im sorry you had to see that." "See what?" "Nevermind..." He looked away and down at his shoes. "...Russia?." "How about you go and meet some other people? I'll talk to you later Belgium." "Are you sure everything is alright?." "Da, I am just fine." "Ok well bye Russia." "Dusedyviet Belgium".
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Comments: 9

SkyinOd [2012-12-03 22:11:37 +0000 UTC]

I've got some criticism: please use paragraphs, it makes reading so much easier. Please also reread your story and try to filter out grammatical mistakes, by doing so you'll also learn the language better.
Take the historical context into account, how inaccurate the original might be Himaruya does have a grasp of chronology, to have jet planes (only jet planes could cover the distance between Belgium and Moscow in thee hours) and to let WWII start in 1831, or to put Belgian independence in 1939 make you seem confused. So do a little research, at least read Wikipedia. It would also tell you that Russia stood alone during the start of WWII and they never had an alliance with Belgium, that it was dead poor and not expected to do much and was hated by most in the west because it was communist.
Basically the whole plot is confused, nothing is clear. (I mean, she's allied to Russia but doesn't know his name when she sees him??)

And one last thing: author's notes are put at the beginning or at the end of the story, giving your thoughts during the story breaks the flow, in other words: it doesn't fit.

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Germangamergirl101 In reply to SkyinOd [2012-12-05 12:03:53 +0000 UTC]

Ok sorry about all that ^^' I'm kinda new to all this stuff about like paragraphs and other things. Also I'm not that good with history eiather. And I thought that they wernt suppost to use human names but I don't know. Also I'm new to deviant art so I havent really gotten a grasp and stuff ya know? I'm still learning English too. Sorry about that...hope you still kinda liked it anyway. (:

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SkyinOd In reply to Germangamergirl101 [2012-12-07 14:30:44 +0000 UTC]

You hid my comment? Why did you hide my comment?

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Germangamergirl101 In reply to SkyinOd [2012-12-07 20:34:39 +0000 UTC]

I dont know because when I read it, it kinda makes me think that I suck at writing. Thats why. But thanks for giving you opinion!

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SkyinOd In reply to Germangamergirl101 [2012-12-07 23:44:42 +0000 UTC]

The imagination is an art but writing is a craft. When you're a beginning author you can't expect to be very good immediately. It, therefore, makes no sense to censor criticism. It makes you look bad. At least in my case, it undermined my inclination to help you any further, because, I'll be frank, I've read a lot of fanfiction, you need most exercise of all. Your path is long, you can do it, I think, but eventually. At present you're no good, the entire story is a complete and utter mess.

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Germangamergirl101 In reply to SkyinOd [2012-12-10 00:57:04 +0000 UTC]

Well I'll just have to get better huh?

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Cinsarity [2012-12-03 04:42:15 +0000 UTC]

Her human name is Bella or Mariane.

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Germangamergirl101 In reply to Cinsarity [2012-12-03 04:49:10 +0000 UTC]

Ok thanks for telling me ^_^

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Cinsarity In reply to Germangamergirl101 [2012-12-03 13:57:01 +0000 UTC]

It is a pleasure.

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