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Gia-Seren — Vacuum
Published: 2009-06-02 19:13:53 +0000 UTC; Views: 143; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 2
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Description There was a time
when the dreaming pools
plunged deep--
generous in being whole.
And I swam
the breadth of
seven heartbeats
looping back from end;
bending forth--
until the mirrors shattered
and the vacuum
sucked me dry--
the exoskeleton
that was blown away;
and what is left
are only impressions
of leaves on the pavement.
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Comments: 11

Toady-kins [2009-06-03 01:35:12 +0000 UTC]

I really like the image of the leaf impressions on the pavement, especially after the violent motion right beforehand of the being sucked dry.

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Gia-Seren In reply to Toady-kins [2009-06-03 03:19:45 +0000 UTC]

The line about leaf impressions has been in my head for months. I've been looking for an excuse to put it in a poem. I'm glad that it stood out.

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Toady-kins In reply to Gia-Seren [2009-06-03 03:30:16 +0000 UTC]

Yeah, it definitely stands out ^^
I may have new poems to put up soon, I just need to edit the crap out of them :/

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Gia-Seren In reply to Toady-kins [2009-06-03 03:50:53 +0000 UTC]

Please share. I hope to be writing more soon. I have a list of one-liners that I need to use up.

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Toady-kins In reply to Gia-Seren [2009-06-03 03:54:35 +0000 UTC]

I will, as soon as they're fit to be read

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Gia-Seren In reply to Toady-kins [2009-06-03 04:01:01 +0000 UTC]

Perhaps I should spend more time in revision. I seem to write a poem, maybe change a word or two here and there and then immediately post it.
I think I may have to be more discriminatory.

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Toady-kins In reply to Gia-Seren [2009-06-03 04:16:00 +0000 UTC]

I used to just put my poems right as they were first written, but after the classes I've taken I feel like I really need to edit them before I can show them.

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Gia-Seren In reply to Toady-kins [2009-06-03 04:24:47 +0000 UTC]

I know the feeling. In the past, all of our English teachers would tell us that poetry required constant revision. My poems that I feel need revision, are the ones that I don't care much for in the first place. They tend to be really long ones that have too many words and too little to say.

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Toady-kins In reply to Gia-Seren [2009-06-03 04:30:21 +0000 UTC]

Yeah, looking back at some of the stuff I called poetry... ick

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Gia-Seren In reply to Toady-kins [2009-06-03 04:43:23 +0000 UTC]

This one I feel alright about. Not great. But the last one, "Released", I couldn't stop reading for a week.

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Toady-kins In reply to Gia-Seren [2009-06-03 04:48:06 +0000 UTC]

I usually need to set a piece aside for a little bit before I can read it and actually enjoy it.

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