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gliitchlord β€” yearbook signatures
Published: 2019-01-02 17:02:24 +0000 UTC; Views: 301; Favourites: 23; Downloads: 0
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Description oh, it's love in sequence;
scripted vine of names.
when it's evening,
reason with the phantoms
and wash my hair
with shame.

color in the constellations,
freckles disparate chained.
is this grieving?
crossing out my failures
and inking skin
with rain.

oh there's not much more to say, love.
i destroy more than create.
i am freezing
don't you dare to touch me;
i'll only bring
you pain.
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Comments: 11

tonychef12 [2019-01-03 12:06:24 +0000 UTC]

This is giving me an inspiration for a painting

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

gliitchlord In reply to tonychef12 [2019-01-03 14:49:55 +0000 UTC]

pleaase share if you do! that's cool to hear

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 0

RJBG [2019-01-03 10:17:19 +0000 UTC]

Awesome work!

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

gliitchlord In reply to RJBG [2019-01-03 14:50:03 +0000 UTC]

tyrjbg

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

RJBG In reply to gliitchlord [2019-01-06 18:43:16 +0000 UTC]

Your welcome!

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 0

nosedivve [2019-01-03 06:56:04 +0000 UTC]

Hello and Merry Critmas!

First of all, I must tell you how wonderfully effective your form is here. The somewhat ambiguous imagery, the loose yet taut rhyme scheme you set up, and the adolescent tone. It is full of angst without being angsty, if that makes any sense. I mean that in a good way.

At the same time, I wonder if the form is what is, ultimately, holding the poem back from reader attachment. Because of the imagery’s somewhat ambiguous nature, I find it difficult to really grapple onto the emotions in the last stanza. The first two stanzas are fine, if not lush with emotion and imagery with just a dash of ambiguity and angst. However, that last stanza... something about the last five lines teeter on a cliche. I am not sure if it’s the form causing this (the end rhyme β€œpain” & number of lines) or tapping into angst. Maybe it’s just me that feels the disconnect. I’m not a teenager anymore (I know you aren’t either lol), so I can’t relate. Also, I never put much stock in yearbook signatures. At least not since I was 12.Β 

All in all, this is really cool.

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

gliitchlord In reply to nosedivve [2019-01-03 14:54:15 +0000 UTC]

ty ivv

i skipped being a teenager and went straight to being a middle-aged nerd. i think its definitely cliche at the end, sorta a tacked on and abrupt ending. i think that's what compelled me to title it as such?

but yknow reader discretion and all. you're the best

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 0

baubleheadboard [2019-01-02 18:22:55 +0000 UTC]

effective (and affective) imagery

is destruction not creation in an altered form?

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

gliitchlord In reply to baubleheadboard [2019-01-02 18:27:44 +0000 UTC]

i feel like most creation begins with destruction buuuuut it still signals and end of sorts

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

baubleheadboard In reply to gliitchlord [2019-01-02 18:59:51 +0000 UTC]

ah

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

gliitchlord In reply to baubleheadboard [2019-01-02 19:00:50 +0000 UTC]

so basically i agree with you haha

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 0