Comments: 100
GospodinP In reply to ??? [2023-01-16 09:52:05 +0000 UTC]
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jcogginsa [2020-09-02 15:59:48 +0000 UTC]
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3DeepArt [2014-08-05 17:15:46 +0000 UTC]
Don't listen to people ragging on the ending! If your writing was so descriptive that it evokes so much emotion, albeit negative, then its amazing work! Saying, "I don't like endings that are unfair "...well, that's life kid. This was an excellent story, congratulations on all the hard work you put into this. It paid off!
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chinangel [2014-05-14 00:17:34 +0000 UTC]
that's depressing
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GospodinP In reply to chinangel [2014-08-07 10:59:22 +0000 UTC]
How would you change the ending? Would you write a sequel with a cheerier resolution?
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chinangel In reply to GospodinP [2014-08-07 12:02:37 +0000 UTC]
i think i'd have her simply be discovered not to be the person they believe via DNA testing. It doesn't match up with the identity assigned to her.
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GospodinP In reply to chinangel [2014-08-08 10:15:22 +0000 UTC]
Yeah, that does seem like it would fit with Torei's advanced biotech. Perhaps it would make an interesting conflict to have some bureaucrat insist that it go forward anyway, and getting the procedure thrown out based on the test could be the struggle in the tale.
But then, what of the runaway Deco? How would she and her lover fit into such a sequel?
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chinangel In reply to GospodinP [2014-08-09 06:07:34 +0000 UTC]
I think that they would discover that their rather weak ruse was discovered pretty quickly and get dragged back into this despite their best attempts to stay out of it. Perhaps someone could blackmail into freeing the victim, or else they're going to find themselves both in chains.
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GospodinP In reply to chinangel [2014-08-25 16:50:06 +0000 UTC]
That does sound like a good outline for a sequel!
What sort of reward do you think Alice would get from it all in the end? Would she find herself better off than she was before?
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chinangel In reply to GospodinP [2014-08-25 19:05:30 +0000 UTC]
Perhaps the justice system wants to keep this rather big embarrassment quiet so offers alice the ownership of the two who caused her so much grief (and a punishment to the man who put her in this situation to begin with) in exchange for her not making a fuss about it.
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GospodinP In reply to chinangel [2014-08-25 21:32:05 +0000 UTC]
That's a great idea!
So, any chance you'd be interested in writing it?
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GospodinP In reply to chinangel [2014-08-27 07:09:38 +0000 UTC]
Because I'm always interested in seeing more poeple write about Torei, and I think that opportunities to fix what they see is wrong with this story are a good excuse to do that!
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chinangel In reply to GospodinP [2014-08-27 09:41:00 +0000 UTC]
well can we speak more in private? Like a messenger or something? Because i'm going to have a lot of questions and whatnot to ask just so i can get this as accurate as possible AND so I have a record of everything for reference sake.
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GospodinP In reply to chinangel [2014-08-27 09:54:20 +0000 UTC]
Sure! there's a chat system here , and I'd be happy to have longer talks in notes or e-mail if you like.
I'm in the chat now, if you want to drop by.
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chinangel In reply to GospodinP [2014-08-27 10:11:23 +0000 UTC]
okay i've never used this but what's your username on it?
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GospodinP In reply to chinangel [2014-08-27 10:12:27 +0000 UTC]
I'm Gospodin there, and that link will take you into a Torei-themed chat room where currently I'm the only active participant.
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GospodinP In reply to mondal78 [2014-04-08 12:54:49 +0000 UTC]
Thank you! I'd love to see your story. you should put it up!
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KaneGulock [2013-10-25 00:12:25 +0000 UTC]
you know what would be messed up? if the guy set her up just to be F@#$ed over like that
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GospodinP In reply to KaneGulock [2013-10-25 08:01:53 +0000 UTC]
Haha! Yeah, that could be possible. It's clear he was trying to fuck her over somehow!
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KaneGulock In reply to GospodinP [2013-10-26 11:21:07 +0000 UTC]
I actually would like too write something like that were Alice would be at the cruel mercy of the magister, with your blessing of course
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GospodinP In reply to KaneGulock [2013-10-26 21:28:51 +0000 UTC]
Of course you have my blessing! I try to open up for everyone to explore, and I am always interested in people working from my own work as prompts!
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KCzz15 [2013-07-03 15:55:04 +0000 UTC]
Very well written, interesting setting with lots of potential, absolutely terrible ending.
"Tragic" endings where someone completely undeservingly gets their life completely ruined more or less irreversibly by the selfish misdeeds of another, especially if said victim had just previously shown kindness to them? I physically loathe stories that end like that.
If I'd had any idea it was going to end anything like that, I'd have stayed the hell away from this story and the gallery too.
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GospodinP In reply to KCzz15 [2013-07-05 22:41:05 +0000 UTC]
Yeah, the ending of this story is the part people seem to have the hardest time with. Some folks complain that it's too arbitrarily gloomy, and some folks say that for all the talk about how dire her situation is it really isn't all that bad.
I'm curious though, why people seem to feel that it would taint all other works in the same setting. I understand being really turned off by this story, but why damn the whole gallery by it?
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KCzz15 In reply to GospodinP [2013-07-06 14:02:45 +0000 UTC]
Because I very much suspect that this isn't the one exception and that your other stories would have similar endings.
I only arrived here from another picture / gallery. The ending was an unwelcome surprise.
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GospodinP In reply to KCzz15 [2013-07-06 20:00:30 +0000 UTC]
Okay well, my other stories don't have similar endings, such as they have endings at all.
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LoginTrap [2013-05-09 10:37:16 +0000 UTC]
Thats pretty cruel story actually. I disapprove this.
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GospodinP In reply to LoginTrap [2013-05-09 12:55:19 +0000 UTC]
Yeah, it's not really for everyone. I should probably put a warning up top.
I tried to find a way to make the story have a happy ending, but I wanted to write about some darker feelings and situations. I kind of understand how China Mieville works a bit better after turning this one out.
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LoginTrap In reply to GospodinP [2013-05-09 18:44:08 +0000 UTC]
Well, you can write next chapter.
After surgery she had to be delivered to her master and he obviously would notice that she is not his real slave.
So there is a possibility that she was freed after.
And even her new implants removed in exchange for some intense entertaining job (meanwhile master would search for his real runaway slave, but will never find her as no one deserve such horrible fate).
This way we can get another interesting story with more hot action and less sad end after all and still keep dark atmosphere of "The Lead".
Guess I can even illustrate that if you interested.
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Amber84 [2013-05-08 10:38:20 +0000 UTC]
i love it! but i think i'm not fit to be a Freewomb, i think i'll ask to be permanently shackled and locked behind bars, for good!!
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GospodinP In reply to Amber84 [2013-05-08 13:06:53 +0000 UTC]
Well there's certainly options for that! What sort of service do you think you'd best perform, in your shackles?
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Amber84 In reply to GospodinP [2013-05-08 13:22:10 +0000 UTC]
maybe i can be used as a sex toy, and everyone visiting me in my cell underground could turn a lever who will tighten up my chains.. of course the shackles can only be tightened but not loosened..
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GospodinP In reply to Amber84 [2013-05-08 13:48:50 +0000 UTC]
And what happens to you once the chains run out of slack?
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Amber84 In reply to GospodinP [2013-05-08 14:18:08 +0000 UTC]
they start squeezing me..
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Amber84 In reply to GospodinP [2013-05-08 15:10:24 +0000 UTC]
maybe not..
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GospodinP In reply to Amber84 [2013-05-08 15:15:57 +0000 UTC]
Well if you're on now, pop into [link] and maybe we can talk about it.
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Knotfever [2013-03-07 14:31:42 +0000 UTC]
I saw my Mistress had this story faved, so I decided to read it also.
Ohhh, wrong idea.
Don't get me wrong. It has extremely desirable Domination and control overtones, which I love. But the shocker of the ending was too horrible for me. But then I thought of the stories I've written, "Musubi's World", "The Girl Under the Stairs 6-7", and my series, "The Evil That Men Do", which have their dark edge as well. So I guess it's do as I say, not as I do.
Am I sorry I read this fine work of yours? Perhaps. But I won't soon forget it. And if nothing else, that's the mark of a good writer.
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GospodinP In reply to Knotfever [2013-03-08 22:14:57 +0000 UTC]
Ah, yeah, sorry it wasn't to your liking. This is probably the darkest of the stories I've written, and I did that because I was trying to build a world up instead of just bang out a stroke story.
I've tried to lighten up on Torei a little, since this piece. I did two that had no explicit sexual content, and two parts to a longer story that has a bit more Sappho and a bit less existential dread.
I would love to see a more cheerful take on the setting from anyone who was disturbed by this piece!
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Knotfever In reply to GospodinP [2013-03-13 12:34:13 +0000 UTC]
Not saying it wasn't completely to my liking. It is a highly enjoyable, erotic story which had one of those surprise endings ala 'The Twilight Zone' or 'Night Gallery' that gave me the slam to the gut which prompted my critique. It's a story I'll always remember, due to that. And it's a very good one, also, in my opinion.
As for a more cheerful 'take', her penis gag has to come off sometime. She should be able to make her case then, if not before the implants are put in, then afterwards, in which place, after a long, tortuous time with them in, the rude, ugly man at the beginning actually comes to her rescue and has them removed or the effects neutralized. Just a thought.
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GospodinP In reply to Knotfever [2013-03-13 15:32:15 +0000 UTC]
Ah, well I'm glad you like it, at least in some respects!
I also wasn't talking about a more cheerful take of this situation, but rather of the setting as a whole!
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Knotfever In reply to GospodinP [2013-03-15 14:47:27 +0000 UTC]
I mean no disrespect at all, you understand. It is a most entertaining and provocative story, one I won't soon forget. And it makes me want to read more of your works.
No, I think the story is good as it is. I don't know much Torei, and it's good to learn.
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Mister-Blackwood [2013-02-25 03:40:57 +0000 UTC]
That was really hot. I like the ending, and I think its injustice underlines her helplessness and dread.
The best submissive erotica fuses excitement with fear, to create an unmistakeable gut nervousness. When Deco's girlfriend switches the leads, I get that gut knot so bad and god I love it. You know what you're doing and you're really in touch with your own kink. Can't wait to read more of your work and maybe learn a few things.
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GospodinP In reply to Mister-Blackwood [2013-03-04 14:27:58 +0000 UTC]
Thank you so much for your kind words!
I'm glad you enjoyed the elements of horror/dread in the heroine's predicament. I think this bit tends to be the one thing that turns people off from this story, and it has probably limited the audience of Torean fiction more than any other choice I've made.
I'd love to see you try your hand at a tale set on ! Your work tends to be a bit more diabolical than even this tale, but I'd like to see what you come up with!
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ChakatBlackstar [2012-10-02 00:17:41 +0000 UTC]
I liked it up until that ending. You don't trade your horrible fate with a random stranger like that. You find someone you hate and/or deserves it and do it to them instead.
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GospodinP In reply to ChakatBlackstar [2012-10-02 18:42:27 +0000 UTC]
Yes, I know that the ending is probably the most disliked part of this story. I promise you I don't plan to make them all this dark!
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absolutissimus [2012-09-26 20:22:33 +0000 UTC]
Ever since I first read this excellent story over at boundforum I was hooked by its background premise. It then kind of dropped from my awareness, but now that I rediscovered it, I'm thrilled to realize that there's really a whole "Torei" universe in the making...
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