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If Minnie had known she was going to have so many headaches today, she would have packed along a large bottle of aspirin. But who could have possibly predicted this sort of day, being knocked out during a routine patrol, and waking up in a long steel hallway, alongside that irritable masked mallard? Even how he was getting on his nerves, with the side of his head pressed up against a wall, tapping on it with every step he made.

Finally, Minnie turned to him, hands on her hips. "What in the world are you doing?"

Not looking at her, Darkwing continued his strange antics. "I'm trying to hear for hollowness. Every maze has a secret exit and entrance."

Her look couldn't be any more skeptical. "You've been in that many mazes, Mister Duck?"

He held up a single finger. "It's 'Darkwing Duck'. Not Mister Duck. And for your information, missy, I've been in the crime-fighting business a lot longer than you have. I was pestering pirates while you probably were being potty trained!"

"For your information," Minnie hissed, almost grating her teeth. "My name is Private Minnie Mouse, not 'missy', and I can't wait for you to find some exit or entrance that may not exist. We have to keep moving!"

"Oh ye of little faith!"The duck suddenly stood up straight, banging on what sounded like a hollow piece of the wall. "See? I just press against this, and we're home free. I'll take your apologies later." Beak raised high, he confidently pressed against the hollow wall. A tiny little click was heard…

… before the floor panel under him gave way, almost sending him plummeting downward to a pit of very pointy spikes. Had not Minnie grabbed his hand at the very last second, there was no doubt he would be skish-ka-bobbed. But she did, so he wasn't, and with a combined effort, he was yanked out of danger and back on the regular floor. Standing on the floor, they glared at each other, until a very loud rumbling was heard. Hesitantly turning around, the two now spotted an impossibly huge boulder now rolling down the hallway towards them – and it too had very pointy spikes.

As both screamed not unlike little girls and ran for their lives, Minnie felt she would have needed at least five bottles of aspirin for whatever she was going to endure today.

~*~

It might surprise Minnie to know that Captain Mickey did have manners. He just chose not to use them when he was around her. Right now, he was choosing to use them, opening the door in front of him to let the slim, taller woman pass through. She nodded politely to him, giving him a casual smile. They were almost complete strangers, though their lines of work made them aware of the other's names. She was Morgana McCawber, heir to the McCawber fortune and neck deep in black market deals, selling codes and passwords to hack into the business of the elite. He was Captain Mickey, one of the most famous, noble, and wealthiest pirates to sail the skies. However, Morgana kept herself out of pirate affairs, and Mickey wasn't fond of the black market, so they had never come into contact until this moment.

It was thanks to the man that stood before them, one Elmo Sputterspark, wearing a labcoat absolutely covered in grease. "Captain Mickey! Lady McCawber! May I say it is an absolute honor to have you two enter my humble little laboratory?"

"Why ask when ye just said it?" Mickey smirked a little, glancing around. Humble was certainly not this place. This place had been hidden under an abandoned powerplant, and had been converted in a gigantic laboratory, filled to the brim with chemicals, machines, blueprints, and everything one needed to scream 'I AM A MAD SCIENTIST FROM A BAD B-MOVIE FILM.' What really caught his attention was the large yellow laser gun that almost reached the ceiling, mounted against a wall and needed an entire body to maneuver it. It probably could destroy an entire ship with one shot.

But he was brought back into the conversation as Elmo continued speaking. "Er, right… I won't go into all the flattering, then! Right to the point. These days, my funds are a little low… Seems nobody out there wants to patent machines that can rise up against man one day to enslave them." It was difficult to tell if he was kidding or not with the shrug he gave. "So I've asked two of the wealthiest criminals… who would return my calls… to come here to see what I can provide for them, if they can give me the funds I need!" He waved the two along, coming up to a large monitor that was turned off. Below the monitor was a bulking hulk of machine work, covered in keyboards, buttons, switches, blinking and beeping all over.

"This is my mainframe, which has control over everything in the powerplant." Elmo explained, adjusting a few knobs. "But back to you two… Morgana, I hear the Justice Ducks have really been on your tail lately."

Morgana tossed a bit of her hair over her shoulder dismissive. "They've been a bit of a thorn in my side, but they're nothing I can't handle." The fact that she was harboring an unhealthy desire for the leader of the Justice Ducks probably had something to do with it.

Elmo continued on none the less. "And Captain, you would probably be better off with less of the N.A.V.Y. and A.R.M.Y. to worry about, am I right?"

In Mickey's boredom, he had begun picking at a piece of cheese stuck in his teeth. "For someone who wants to get to the point, ye sure are avoidin' the point an awful lot."

The genius slowly found himself being annoyed at the lack of appreciation, and faced the monitor. "Yes, well… what I've developed is a place where we can drop both parties off, and watch their demise right before our eyes! I grabbed two test subjects this morning, and they're enduring my…" He took a large gulp of air, turning the monitor on. "MAZE OF MALICE!!! …Patent pending."

The screen flickered to life, and there they saw Minnie and Darkwing delicately walking a tightrope over a pit of very hungry alligators. There was even sound, as Darkwing loudly complained with each tiny foot movement. "Why do all bad guys have one of these? I mean honestly, it must cost a fortune to feed them! And where do you even find so many alligators?"

"Stop talking, you're distracting me!"Minnie growled, eyes on her own feet. "And we could have easily flown over this if you hadn't broken my roller skates!"

"I had to use something to wedge that wall of spikes! And where is this guy getting all of these spikes?! Is there a spike factory that is just blooming in business?!"

"Do you ever stop talking?!"

"Do you ever stop whining?!"

Back and forth they bickered, over the alligator pit, past the wall of fire, under the falling ceiling of shurikens, each time managing to avoid danger while they resulted to childish name calling.

Elmo rubbed his hands together, a little unnerved by their success, but still having faith in his diabolical scheme. "So, they're still alive… but not to worry! When they reach the end, they'll have wished they have died long ago!"

His maniacal laughter afterward went unheard, however, as Morgana and Mickey had been silenced ever since the screen showed their objects of their affection. The fact that the ones they cared for were in mortal danger did register, but something far more important weighed on each other's minds.

'Just who is that hussy…' Morgana thought, fists clenching and nearly breaking her manicured nails, '… and what does she think she's doing with my Dark darling?'

Mickey's thoughts and actions carried a similar tone, as his fingers ached for his pistol. 'Does that masked moron really think he can get away with tryin' to take my Mins?'

Somehow, the heated arguments between Darkwing and Minnie had come off as something unnaturally amorous to the – and let's be frank – very stupid criminals, and the times they had to hold hands weren't helping… even if the hand holding was just trying to save one of them from falling into a slide of molten lava. In the ears of the obsessed and jealous lovers, what was said translated as something different. Something like 'You destroyed my gas gun, you darn little rodent!' translated into 'Thanks for helping me, you adorable little beauty!', as well as 'You're going to get us killed, you doofus duck!' turned into 'You saved my life, you handsome dashing rouge!' For in the minds of Morgana and Mickey, their lovers were absolutely perfect, and anyone of the opposite sex would obviously fall for them too, given enough time and space. So the two stood there, almost shaking in silent fury at the chance of their desires being snatched away… ignoring the fact that their desires were ready to beat each other senseless.

Alas, Elmo didn't notice the jealous rage building within his potential supports, as he waited for his prisoners to reach the final stage of his trap.

After several impossibly long moments, Minnie and Darkwing tumbled into an empty steel room, panting hard for breath. Trying to stay on her feet, Minnie took out her pistol, carefully examining it. "I've got only one shot left."

"A lot of good that will do us." Darkwing squeezed an aching shoulder, inspecting the room. His eyes fell upon a large screen at the furthest end of the room, and at the same time, it switched on, revealing Elmo's prideful face.

"I am impressed!" He snorted, crossing his arms to look superior. "You've given me plenty to work on the next time I trap someone in my… MAZE OF MALICE!!!... Patent pending."

"Maze of Malice?" Minnie repeated, unsure if she had ever fought someone this hammy, as she and Darkwing began to approach the monitor.

"You're not saying it right." Elmo looked down at her, and raised his voice again. "It's… MAZE OF MALICE!!!... Patent pending."

"I've been in worse." Darkwing quipped, stopping in front of the screen. "It's not bad enough for three exclamation marks. Maybe two… two and a half."

"Is that so? Prepare to change your mind!" Elmo cracked his knuckles, ready to get to work on the last devastation. "I've saved the very worst for the last… you've used up all of your weapons, and your bodies and minds are completely exhausted! You won't survive what's coming up next!"

Those factors were unsettlingly true, and mouse and duck exchanged a glance of slight worry before facing him again. After a swallow, Darkwing began to form a fighting stance. "We can handle anything you throw at us! And once we're through with it, you're next!"

Minnie readied her pistol, trying to prepare for whatever was next to endanger them. "I plan on living a long time, thank you very much… so whatever you want done, get it over quick!"

"If you insist!" Elmo gleefully cackled, and raised his hand, ready to slam down on a button that would seal their fate…

… Until he was punched right across the face and shoved aside by Captain Mickey, whose face now took up the entire screen. "Hello, Minnie luv!"

Minnie's shoulders instantly sunk at his appearance. "Oh, no."

"Don't ye worry about a thing, turtledove!" Mickey waved at her, childish in her mannerisms. "Just a bit of a misunderstandin', is all… I'll get ye out of there, and away from that daffy duck, all right?"

The insulted duck raised an eyebrow, looking over at the private. "…Friend of yours?"

Minnie's hand was already at her temples. "It's… a long story."

Mickey continued rambling on, just happy to have her attention at all. "But I knew ye would be fine this entire time! That's me little lass, tough as nails!"

And then he too was punched right across the face, and was shoved aside by Morgana, whose face now took up the entire screen. "Hello, Dark Darling~!"

The named one almost jumped out of his cape in surprise. "Morgana?! What are you doing here?"

"I was tricked!" The taller woman wrung her hands in her hair, trying to put on an act of innocence. "I had no idea they would be doing this to you… I'll get you out of there as soon as I can, I promise! Oh, but you were so strong and brave this entire time, despite that little wench tagging along!"

Now it was Minnie's turn to look at Darkwing with a look of annoyed curiosity. "…Now why does one of the most famous women in the black market know you so well?"

Darkwing didn't know quite what to tell her, and was saved from having to do so by the reappearance of Mickey, now trying to take up screen space again, artfully trying to shove Morgana without hurting her. "Who are ye callin' a wench?! That's my Mins!"

Morgana's act of purity was instantly shattered, as she grabbed Mickey by his jacket, nearly shaking him. "Then tell your 'Mins' to keep her filthy little paws off my Dark Darling!"

"Are ye daft? My Mins wouldn't be caught dead with a guy who dressed up like a circus clown!"

"He is not a clown, he is a fighter for justice and good will! And he can't do that with a little harlot on his heels!"

"Harlot?! My Mins is as pure as the clean driven snow! She's been engaged to a rat for over a year, but I was the first one she ever got a kiss from!"

"So what? Darkwing fainted after I kissed him! That's real love!"

Elmo could faintly be heard in the background. "Um, you do remember that I brought you guys here to help kill them…"

"SHUT UP, SPUTTERSPARK!" Both jilted lovers screamed, before returning their attentions back to the war of insults.

The ones being fought over weren't exactly being flattered. As more of their secrets were being spilled by the fight, their faces got redder and redder, with Minnie sorely tempted to use the last shot in her pistol to end her misery. So they stood there, having no choice but to endure the ridiculous battle in front of them. They were arguing far worse than Minnie and Darkwing ever had. However, Minnie then noticed something strange alongside the yells. She put a hand to one of her big ears, trying to concentrate. "Say… is it just me, or is it echoing oddly in here?"

Darkwing blinked, and then put a hand to his own ear to test it. "Huh… I don't think it's echoing, exactly… It sounds more like it's just a lot closer." Then, a pause, as he thought. "…Like they're in the next room over." His eyes faced the screen again, pondering on just where the camera feed was coming from. "… You don't think they'd be stupid enough to actually be right in the next room over?"

"Lately, I think being a bad guy means not having a lot of brain cells." Minnie spoke from personal experience, and aimed her pistol right at the screen.

When the shot connected to the monitor, it created a small explosion that was enough to send the three bad ones falling right onto their backs, while creating a hole large enough for Minnie to climb up into, once the smoke had cleared. Minnie carefully climbed out, with Darkwing following, as the two stood on top of the desk-shaped mainframe. "I guess they are stupid enough." Minnie added, accessing the damage. However, she wasn't given enough time to access before she was suddenly scooped up by the pirate who now clutched her close.

"Aw, me little Mins." He cooed, checking her body over for damages. "That disgusting duck didn't touch ye, did he?"

"Not more than you do." Minnie flicked a finger to Mickey's forehead, trying to get out of his grip. "You have a lot of explaining to do! Do you have any idea what kind of morning I've had?" She kept poking his chest in accusations. "My skates are destroyed, Captain Amelia is going to yell at me for being late, the other privates are probably worried to the dickens about where I am, and yet here you are, having a debate with one of the worst dealers in the black market? We ought to arrest you right here and now! Right, Darkwing?"

Yet when she turned to what she thought would be a mutual agreement, she found Darkwing not only in Morgana's embrace as well, but also giving one to her, the picture of a hopelessly romantic couple. Morgana tenderly stroked Darkwing's cheek, the very manner of a distressed damsel. "Oh, Dark Darling, you've got to believe me, I'm entirely innocent."

"Of course you are." The masked mallard agreed, the definitely 'hopeless' of the two. "You were just tricked into doing this, weren't you?" Such a lovestruck fool this one was, that it was inconceivable for him to really believe his lover was, in fact, a true criminal.

The revelation of that caused Minnie to throw her hands up in the air. "That's it! I give up on all of you!"

"My thoughts exactly!"

Hearing Elmo's voice got all four of their attentions, as during the time of reunions, Elmo had climbed up to use the very same laser that Mickey had been admiring when he had first entered. "I give you two the chance to get rid of your worst enemies, and you argue about who kisses better?!" He screeched, his face growing red with anger. "And you other two, you almost destroyed my main frame! You could have wrecked the functions of everything in my lab! You four are not worth this… headache!" With that final word, he pressed with both hands, and a harsh stream of yellow shot out, almost zapping the heroes and villains if they hadn't run out of the way. The spot where the laser shot out was just a sizzling black spot, a deadly warning.

Any attempts to go to the door were futile, as the laser was able to be moved, and Elmo continued to fire in any direction they would run toward. Mickey's own sword and pistol would do no good here, so all the four could keep doing was run for their lives, as the laboratory was destroyed all around them. However, during the chase, Minnie managed to connect Elmo's yelling to her memories, and grabbed Darkwing by the arm for a swift movement. "I need you to distract him, while I destroy the mainframe! If what he was screaming about is right, that weapon ill go down when the mainframe does!"

"Now wait a minute!" Darkwing leaned in, upset. "Why can't you distract him, while I destroy the main frame?"

Minnie poked his beak. "Because I'll turn in your girlfriend if you don't."

"Oh, SPUTTERSPAAAAAAARK!" Darkwing immediately cried out afterward, quickly agreeable. "You couldn't hit the broad side of barn… or even the front door of the barn!" With that, he made another run for it, continuing to spew barn related insults. "Or the roof of the barn! Or even a book that had a picture of a barn on it!"

With the distraction in play, Minnie sped towards the mainframe, with Mickey right behind her, just in case. She got on her knees, and with Mickey's help, ripped open a panel. Minnie got on her hands and knees, crawling head first inside. "If I destroy too much at once, this place might blow up with us inside it… I just need to rip apart a few wires." She explained to Mickey, the front part of her body inside the machine, with her lower half sticking up outside. "I just need a few min – YEEEEEEEK!" 'Minutes' had been interrupted by a hand giving her rear end an appreciate squeeze. In response, Minnie launched her foot backwards to kick him in the gut. "This is hardly the time or the place!"

Mickey bent over, holding his stomach. "Sorry, force of habit… so, does that mean there is a time and a place for that?"

Minnie groaned, ripping apart wires by hand, and hoping maybe she could be electrocuted to death. After three more good tears, she could hear silence from outside of the machine, followed by Elmo's yells of surprised agitation. Then came the sounds of some very questionable karate moves by Darkwing, who it sounded like he was arresting Elmo in his own fashion. Sighing in relief, Minnie pulled herself out, and stood up, dusting herself off. She took a good, hard look at the pirate. "Give me one good reason I shouldn't arrest you right here and now."

Mickey actually seemed to give this some serious thought, rolling his eyes back, before tugging into his jacket, and offered her what he pulled out - a bottle of aspirin.

She didn't arrest him.