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Description
This is based off of the show "Thrilling Intent" by The Third Wheel (www.youtube.com/watch?v=8OJDm-… ),
a heavily homeruled DnD/Pathfinder podcast with all game mechanics cut out, leaving only the action, and beautified with detailed character portraits and animation.
One of the Characters (Aesling, or "Ashe") winds up stabbing some people in the neck one time, and it becomes a running gag among the cast. At the end of season one, one of the characters ends up writing a childrens book called "Aesling the neck stabber", which becomes a quick success in-universe. However, the contents of that book are never revealed.
So, mustering up all my lyrical talent, I decided to create my rendition of what this children's book would look like - except without any colourful art that would normally belong in a childrens book.
But it's written in limerick!
Please, do yourselves a favor and go watch it, it is very awesome!

All book and page artwork belongs to PandaMaru (maruresources.lonewolflab.com )

___

Aesling the neck stabber

Based on a true story

by Markus Velafi and Kier Fiore

___

Written and revised by
Markus T. Velafi

Co-written by,
fireproof paper and inflammable ink provided by
Kier Fiore

Proofread by
Imp #12
Imp #67
Imp #134
That one Imp that I forgot the number of, but has like this cool scar on its left cheek
so I would recognize it when I see it. I lent it my sunglasses last week an haven't
seen it since, so if you catch it and bring it back I'd be willing to hand out a
free autograph!

___

There once was a woman called Aesling
Who preferred "Ashe" to her name's ring.
Some wonderful friends young Aesling did have:
An inventor, a Tiefling and a guy with a glaive
And she preferred to stab peoples necks in.

When ships start to get shaky
Gregor likes to sing shanties.
When battles look dire
Kier will start fires
And Markus throws Imps aplenty.

Ashe will take out her knife
And in sconds (well under five!)
She will rest it hilt deep
In the next unlucky creep
And, frankly, it gives me the hives!

She was guardian of an island called Meathe
where the people were living in trees
When one night she bailed,
her sense of freedom prevailed
and she vanished, sword in it's sheathe.

She came to a place called Meadshire;
a place ruled by greed, and selfish desire.
She was hired by Thog
in a tavern called "Bog"
to hunt down a creature that lived in the mire.

She and her two companions were falsely arrested
on accusations and theories that no one had tested.
They deemed them "inhuman" and dragged them to court
not long after the deadly creature was fought
and had subsequently been bested.

She was sold into slavery, and
carried off to a farway land
were they were facing golems
and some other problems
and she again had to fight, sword in hand.

They escaped to some islands per boat,
all they had was some meat of a goat.
Again they were ordered to kill a foul beast.
Markus humored two sailors, drunk on some yeast,
and Gregor did nothing but gloat.

Some villagers were caught in dispute
they met a pigbat named Dont (she was cute).
Not one of them was able to die
not even with help of some poisonous pie
They were in trouble, it was acute.

The group met Kier and acquired a tavern
Not long after, they fled through a cavern
filled with horrors
substantial and others
until they reached the top of a mountain and fought a GIANT SHRIMP DRAGON!

They managed to calm it down,
Ashe and Charoth were like mom and son.
With his little play
Markus chose the right way
while Gregor could nothing but frown.

They returned to Alaran per ship.
Kiers view of the world was flipped.
They brought him along
to teach him the song
of the world when they remembered they were in some shit!

When guards tried to seize them the last fuse was blown!
Ashe drew out her blade, and with a frown
she neck-stabbed them all,
tiny and tall,
and in the end she burned the place down.

When Ashe is cornered and deeply in peril
she becomes an angry, rampaging devil
stabbing people to her left and her right
In the neck, it's no pretty sight,
until her short sword shimmers like beryl.

This ends the tale of Aesling from Meathe
who will draw her short sword from her sheathe
and stab your neck
(or at least you'll get decked)
if you do anything while she's vicious, like breathe.

But if you've ever done anything dire,
like broken a contract signed in Meadshire
beware of the night
find someplace to hide
because this neck stabber is for hire...

And if there ever was a moral to this story:
There are no better authors than

Markus Velafi
and
Kier Fiore!

(Especially not you, Ballast McGee!)

Description
This is based off of the show "Thrilling Intent" by The Third Wheel (www.youtube.com/watch?v=8OJDm-… ),
a heavily homeruled DnD/Pathfinder podcast with all game mechanics cut out, leaving only the action, and beautified with detailed character portraits and animation.
One of the Characters (Aesling, or "Ashe") winds up stabbing some people in the neck one time, and it becomes a running gag among the cast. At the end of season one, one of the characters ends up writing a childrens book called "Aesling the neck stabber", which becomes a quick success in-universe. However, the contents of that book are never revealed.
So, mustering up all my lyrical talent, I decided to create my rendition of what this children's book would look like - except without any colourful art that would normally belong in a childrens book.
But it's written in limerick!
Please, do yourselves a favor and go watch it, it is very awesome!

All book and page artwork belongs to PandaMaru (maruresources.lonewolflab.com )

___

Aesling the neck stabber

Based on a true story

by Markus Velafi and Kier Fiore

___

Written and revised by
Markus T. Velafi

Co-written by,
fireproof paper and inflammable ink provided by
Kier Fiore

Proofread by
Imp #12
Imp #67
Imp #134
That one Imp that I forgot the number of, but has like this cool scar on its left cheek
so I would recognize it when I see it. I lent it my sunglasses last week an haven't
seen it since, so if you catch it and bring it back I'd be willing to hand out a
free autograph!

___

There once was a woman called Aesling
Who preferred "Ashe" to her name's ring.
Some wonderful friends young Aesling did have:
An inventor, a Tiefling and a guy with a glaive
And she preferred to stab peoples necks in.

When ships start to get shaky
Gregor likes to sing shanties.
When battles look dire
Kier will start fires
And Markus throws Imps aplenty.

Ashe will take out her knife
And in sconds (well under five!)
She will rest it hilt deep
In the next unlucky creep
And, frankly, it gives me the hives!

She was guardian of an island called Meathe
where the people were living in trees
When one night she bailed,
her sense of freedom prevailed
and she vanished, sword in it's sheathe.

She came to a place called Meadshire;
a place ruled by greed, and selfish desire.
She was hired by Thog
in a tavern called "Bog"
to hunt down a creature that lived in the mire.

She and her two companions were falsely arrested
on accusations and theories that no one had tested.
They deemed them "inhuman" and dragged them to court
not long after the deadly creature was fought
and had subsequently been bested.

She was sold into slavery, and
carried off to a farway land
were they were facing golems
and some other problems
and she again had to fight, sword in hand.

They escaped to some islands per boat,
all they had was some meat of a goat.
Again they were ordered to kill a foul beast.
Markus humored two sailors, drunk on some yeast,
and Gregor did nothing but gloat.

Some villagers were caught in dispute
they met a pigbat named Dont (she was cute).
Not one of them was able to die
not even with help of some poisonous pie
They were in trouble, it was acute.

The group met Kier and acquired a tavern
Not long after, they fled through a cavern
filled with horrors
substantial and others
until they reached the top of a mountain and fought a GIANT SHRIMP DRAGON!

They managed to calm it down,
Ashe and Charoth were like mom and son.
With his little play
Markus chose the right way
while Gregor could nothing but frown.

They returned to Alaran per ship.
Kiers view of the world was flipped.
They brought him along
to teach him the song
of the world when they remembered they were in some shit!

When guards tried to seize them the last fuse was blown!
Ashe drew out her blade, and with a frown
she neck-stabbed them all,
tiny and tall,
and in the end she burned the place down.

When Ashe is cornered and deeply in peril
she becomes an angry, rampaging devil
stabbing people to her left and her right
In the neck, it's no pretty sight,
until her short sword shimmers like beryl.

This ends the tale of Aesling from Meathe
who will draw her short sword from her sheathe
and stab your neck
(or at least you'll get decked)
if you do anything while she's vicious, like breathe.

But if you've ever done anything dire,
like broken a contract signed in Meadshire
beware of the night
find someplace to hide
because this neck stabber is for hire...

And if there ever was a moral to this story:
There are no better authors than

Markus Velafi
and
Kier Fiore!

(Especially not you, Ballast McGee!)