DeadLover25 [2011-03-24 23:34:49 +0000 UTC]
Good detail, but your character seems way to into herself; no conflict other than besides commenting on a hot guy. Needs to be more relateable to the reader, and alittle bit more driving plot.
Not trying to be a dick i am just being a credited
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DeadLover25 In reply to Independentgal25 [2011-04-02 20:11:15 +0000 UTC]
More depth to the charater find a connection that not only yourself but the reader can relate to other than attraction from somone. For exaple cause and consequence. Dose the character in your story have choices that may change the outlook of her/his life and why do they care? 2nd what meaning or drive dose your charater have other than love? is it guilt? redemption? or more simple as trying to find oneself?
Though don't get me wrong love is a very cruital part of any story you just need to introduce it at the right time. Other than that it's up to you.
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