Comments: 11
euachoque [2008-05-28 19:29:17 +0000 UTC]
Really loved this... very pure and intense. You couldnยดt write it any better than you already did. ^^ Congratulations!
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Ryuken-Kai [2005-10-03 00:35:52 +0000 UTC]
this is really good....one of the best poems I've read for a while.
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Itty In reply to Ryuken-Kai [2005-10-04 17:24:51 +0000 UTC]
thanks! coming from u thats really cool
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Ryuken-Kai In reply to Itty [2005-10-04 17:31:26 +0000 UTC]
thats ok man, iti is a good poem xxx
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Why-Not-Smile [2005-08-02 19:50:28 +0000 UTC]
I really like some of the imagery here. The language (in particular the lovely metaphors) paint a very vivid picture in the mind.
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Itty In reply to Why-Not-Smile [2005-08-02 20:01:40 +0000 UTC]
Why thank you
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hesir [2005-08-02 12:49:50 +0000 UTC]
The whole peice reads like a song, especially with the last line "pay-off" at the end.
I'm not big on poetry (in that I don't read enough for pleasure or as theory) and so cannot really give you any kind of technical critique.
Sorry.
For what it is worth however, I think it shows a sophistication (the end rhyming lines aside) of voice, and reads well.
You might want to check in with 'darkcrescendo's journal as about halfway down he list a lot of poetry groups and critiquing groups you might find useful.
[link]
Sorry I couldn't be more help.
h.
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Itty In reply to hesir [2005-08-02 12:58:38 +0000 UTC]
no, thanks- trust me that was really helpful!
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hesir In reply to Itty [2005-08-02 13:50:01 +0000 UTC]
Cool... and no problem.
h.
I think there is a sticky post with more links at the top of the Prose Forum too... Good Luck.
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