janjanfollower In reply to Raven-BlackThorne [2011-04-15 22:14:24 +0000 UTC]

Haha, same. |D

Do you wanna talk about what's wrong, though? D: I most likely know the position you're in so you can trust me with like, anything.
You sounds like you need someone to actually listen to you.

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Raven-BlackThorne In reply to janjanfollower [2011-04-16 00:22:31 +0000 UTC]

uhmm......let's see.....I'm bi and in the closet, except for a few of my school friends know. one of my best friends is planning on committing suicide when /her/ best friend does so, and i have no clue how to stop either of them. one of my other best friends, whom I also happen to have a crush on, has been ignoring me all week because he got a text from my third best friend saying I wanted to go out with him. I also discovered today that my friend Alex has even worse disassociation than I thought: his friend committed suicide last week and he's never met his dad, but he doesn't care. at all. not to upset anyone, and I know my problems are far less than many others, but.....

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janjanfollower In reply to Raven-BlackThorne [2011-04-16 14:33:54 +0000 UTC]

Wow. All right, lemme address this problem by problem:

In-The-Closet: Well, who exactly are you in the closet for? Is it because of your parents or something, or are you just afraid of what everyone'll think of you? If it's the latter, then there's no reason to hide. The only opinion you should value in your life is your own. You don't need to worry about what others think about you; they're unimportant and after high school, you're probably never gonna see them again. Do what you want to make YOU happy; not someone else. And if it is the parents, remember they're your PARENTS, they're your FAMILY; they'll love you no matter what, even if you think they'll hate you. I know it's really hard, but you have to remember that no matter what they say if they're mad, they don't really mean it. They're just frustrated, and that's okay. Even if they hate you for now, it'll never last; trust me, I know.

Your friends committing suicide: With that, it's very hard to tell if someone IS suicidal or not. I can speak from experience; my good friend has been suicidal since last year and before she basically told me she was, I had never noticed. In actuality, you should be kinda happy that your friend told you she was; it means she trusts you, and a good amount of trust goes a long way, believe me. The only word of advice I can give to you is, just be a good friend. Try to be friends with her best friend, so you can try to stop the problem at its source. If it all ends up all right, then you'll keep your friend and you'll have another. If it doesn't, then be happy you were friends with her. It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all; remember that.

The friend you have a crush on: Even if he isn't talking to you, tell him you like him. You'll get no where if you sit around being flustered about him and never telling him; you'll only end up stressing YOURSELF out. Even if he says he doesn't like you, take it in strides. You're only in middle school; you have the REST OF YOUR LIFE to worry about this kind of stuff. If you wanna think about it this way, this is only training; you have plenty more time to think about this stuff and fine-tune it.

Your friend Alex: Even if he says he doesn't care, HE DOES. I sure-as-hell know I would be pretty friggin' upset if my best friend committed suicide only a week ago. He's probably just trying not to show himself, for some reason or another. It isn't an insult to YOU though, if that turns out to be the case. Be there for him; get closer with him and above all, WATCH HIM. Watch for any warming signs if he is depressed or suicidal or anything. Make sure he won't be doing something like that, and if you think he is, ask him. He probably won't say, but press nonetheless. If you guys are good friends, he'll tell you. and when that happens, ask him if he wants help. A little bit of help goes a LOOOOONG way, trust me.

You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. Just remember above all else: YOU'RE IN MIDDLE SCHOOL. You have high school and college ahead of you. And even if now, you think the rest of the years can only end up badly, it won't. High school is a brand new experience, and it's a time when you can change yourself. It's when you can fuck around and still pass your classes, so long as you don't fuck up that badly; you won't have that opportunity in college. Middle school is always horrible, no matter who you are, I've noticed; high school is ALWAYS better. This isn't even debatable, this is fact. You'll do so many more things in high school that you wouldn't do in middle school, and it'll be a new, relieving experience.

If you find you're still depressed and suicidal though, get help. I'm not saying this to be a bitch: I'm saying this to be helpful. Even if you're going through a freak-out, remember you still have people you CARE about and that you have people who care ABOUT you. It's really hard to remember that, but it's really helpful. If it does end up getting to the point when you feel like you can't help yourself, have someone else help YOU. A week in the psychiatric ward really helps, I know it; I've seen it happen in front of me. You'll feel a lot better, and you'll be legitimately happier.

Basically, remember that people love you, remember that you're the only person you're living for and if you need help or you think your friend needs help, GET help. It might be hard and you might be stubborn, but remember it WILL help.

<3

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Raven-BlackThorne In reply to janjanfollower [2011-04-17 01:29:21 +0000 UTC]

Thanks for the advice. I actually did tell my friend that I have a crush on that I like him, and eventually we managed to get past the awkwardness, and he's talking to me again it'll take a bit for me to rebuild my own trust to him, I think, but he's a really good friend, and I know he does care about me, he's just sad because of his last break-up. As for Alex, well, we're not very good friends, he's just a guy I used to talk to in band last year, coz we were both percussionists who hated my band teacher. I do care about him, however, and I know he's upset about it. He has barriers up at school, he actually got it to the point where they're timed, I saw him after school on day whilst setting up for a language arts thing, and he was actually really nice, not the jerk he can be at school. He had missed the bus and was getting a ride home from a teacher, and he helped me tie the stories to peoples' lockers. I kinda wish I knew how to help him, but.....

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janjanfollower In reply to Raven-BlackThorne [2011-04-17 04:02:33 +0000 UTC]

He sounds like a nice guy. If anything, he's probably just either hiding himself to protect himself to to avoid having other people see him when he's weak. Tell me, how is he like in school? Has he always been a jerk, or did it just start recently?

And with your other friend, you two'll begin to get close again. It just needs time, what with rebuilding broken walls and whatnot.

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Raven-BlackThorne In reply to janjanfollower [2011-04-17 05:26:08 +0000 UTC]

Alex? Well, he's an a**hole who tells a lot of offensive jokes, but we all know he doesn't mean them, so it's just funny. I've only known him since last school year, but my friend Zoe was in his fifth grade class, and he has been like that for quite some time now, if I understand correctly. I also know that he's never met his dad, I'm pretty sure his dad is dead, and I also know that Alex makes a lot of jokes about that, too. Like when he was laughing about "working the system" by getting free lunch. He said "wah my daddy's dead. yeah, free lunch suckers!"

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janjanfollower In reply to Raven-BlackThorne [2011-04-17 17:28:51 +0000 UTC]

He sounds like a pretty cool dude! 8D

I think to help him, you first need to become his friend. And I don't mean like school friend, I mean like a legitimate friend. You can;'t force it, though. I'm pretty sure he'd be able to tell if you'd try to force yourself on him as a friend, and he'd probably shirk away from that.

Take your time. You might think you have to hurry because of what's been going on with him, but if you show him you're a friend you might delay something bad.

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Raven-BlackThorne In reply to janjanfollower [2011-04-17 21:40:30 +0000 UTC]

yeah, I've been trying to be more of a friend to him, but it's hard because we don't have any of the same classes, we don't have many friends in common, we live nowhere near each other, and he's not one of those people who's easily befriended....

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janjanfollower In reply to Raven-BlackThorne [2011-04-17 22:25:12 +0000 UTC]

All the more better! It kinda goes to shows that those who are the hardest to befriend are the best of friends.

Try to get closer to him, at least. Ask him if you wanna hang out after school when you get back. If you're lucky he'll drop the act if you two are by yourselves. Then from there, just try to make closer bonds with him.

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Raven-BlackThorne In reply to janjanfollower [2011-04-18 02:56:51 +0000 UTC]

yeah....it'll take a while, but I'll work on it. I'll probably ask him if he's got any concerts coming up, and see if I can catch him alone at one. (yes, he has a band. yes, this kid kicks ass. )

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