Comments: 12
ShindosGirl [2013-06-11 07:24:47 +0000 UTC]
NAWWWWWWWWWWWWWW Jazzz you so should've submitted him in some way, he's so so so cute!! Kweli would've loved him, just absolutely adored him.
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Jazznote In reply to ShindosGirl [2013-06-11 22:15:34 +0000 UTC]
Awww thank you!<3 c:
I might submit him someday, and I'd love to have a Crowded Water cheetah. ^^
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NinjaCheetah [2013-05-17 19:35:03 +0000 UTC]
Will you still be submitting him?
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Jazznote In reply to NinjaCheetah [2013-05-17 19:46:07 +0000 UTC]
No, because he didn't get the part either time. :c
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NinjaCheetah In reply to Jazznote [2013-05-17 19:46:53 +0000 UTC]
:c Are you not going to put him in for a different rank then?
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GingerFlight [2013-04-06 21:54:59 +0000 UTC]
Like Ninja said, it'd be best to expand as much as you can. Remember, details and descriptions are key. The roleplay example could use some lengthening, and the history, too.
For the history, don't be afraid to go into depth. A few suggestions: Maybe describe more about Kijivu's family life, how he and his mother lived and such. Describe what happened to him after he was separated from his mother in detail, and feel free to talk about any feelings he might have had. Also, what happened when Crooked Tree found him? Don't name any specific characters for that little scenario, but maybe write a small section that shows us how that occurred, and how Kijivu settled into the life of a tribe. Also write about how he discovered the healing life, and why he decided to become a healer tyro. I also see a few misspellings that could use some fixing.
Hope that helps! Good luck C:
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Jazznote In reply to GingerFlight [2013-04-07 02:40:49 +0000 UTC]
Thank you so much for your help! I've expanded it quite a bit I think, and my hand is a little sore now lol. I was a little lazy before 'cause I was really tired, but I'm pleased with how it looks now. c:
Thanks again<3
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Jazznote In reply to NinjaCheetah [2013-04-07 02:38:10 +0000 UTC]
Thank you so much for the advice! I expanded everything, and I think it looks better. c: I was tired and rushed it a little before, lol.
Thanks again, and sorry 'bout the link not working<3
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Black--Jewel [2013-04-06 21:40:52 +0000 UTC]
AHHHHH
soo cUTEE
//squishes his face.
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