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I meant to post this a month ago…..Sorry if it’s serious and long….I guess where changing my username is making me think of the past and it’s giving me bad thoughts..it’s making me hate my past self and I just want to leave that behind….

This is my persona’s new design! And I changed my username,with a drawing of Jibanyan to go with it! I drew the concept of the designs traditionally,then drew both designs together digitally.

My username is based off of my favorite Yokai Watch character….obviously……and one of my favorite aesthetics. It was hard choosing between some of my favorite aesthetics,but this aesthetic was the only one that didn’t look odd next to Jibanyan’s name. (and it’s one of aesthetics that has helped me cope with my personal childhood trauma…actually a lot of the aesthetics and interests I like help me with my trauma…..especially Yokai Watch and other cartoons/anime….I also feel like I really never grew up…because growing up sucks...)Also this username is fitting because OG Jibanyan is just me when I was kid (yes,everything but the fighting of course,same goes with SS Jibs) and Shadowside Jibanyan is just me currently.(that’s probably why I really kin Jibanyan…)I’ve also been wearing different kinds of clothes for a year or two and I dyed my hair a few months ago.It was supposed to be pink,but…it turned out red-pink.That explains my persona’s new design….I’ll probably also use this design of Jibanyan in place of my persona…..when I don’t feel like using my persona. I’ll just switch back and forth with these designs….

Also an update on my life and why I’ve been not posting as much.Life has been slowing me down with my own problems.My condition has been putting me on hold.I’ve had this condition since childhood.(it’s my chronic pain/fatigue) It’s at the point it makes me not want to live…I thought I was starting to get better,but…It explains why I don’t post as much as I used to…(since my thoughts/condition worsened…) It’s been like this for years and I should be used to this…..but….I’ve been trying to outweigh the negative things for the past few years….I tried to think of reasons to live…but I wanted to end myself….I’m fine now and I told my parents to get me medical help for my condition/thoughts and they have. I’m doing better currently. I want to thank everyone who has checked on me recently. I really appreciate it and it has made me feel better.I’m doing great at this point….but sometimes my bad thoughts just get to me…..

I promise I’ll try to change these feelings into something positive.All I ever wanted is to make people happy..I also never meant anything negative I’ve said in the past…I was only angry at (and hated) myself at the time….I didn’t know how to express it and…..I’m sorry for being the way I was before…..I hate myself so much for how I was….but I have been doing better with the help I’ve been receiving..I’m going to try keep posting Yokai Watch related content soon.Here’s to 2022,hoping that I can heal...I promise my future posts will be positive.I just need to get this out and to also say that I want to leave my old self behind. That’s why I want to start with a new persona and new username to get rid of the person I hate the most….my old self…As of now I’m blessed to be alive and I’m trying to be happy….but…at the same time…..I don’t want to be here...but….I’ll try my best…..just existing. ..

Everything belongs to their rightful owners

Description
I meant to post this a month ago…..Sorry if it’s serious and long….I guess where changing my username is making me think of the past and it’s giving me bad thoughts..it’s making me hate my past self and I just want to leave that behind….

This is my persona’s new design! And I changed my username,with a drawing of Jibanyan to go with it! I drew the concept of the designs traditionally,then drew both designs together digitally.

My username is based off of my favorite Yokai Watch character….obviously……and one of my favorite aesthetics. It was hard choosing between some of my favorite aesthetics,but this aesthetic was the only one that didn’t look odd next to Jibanyan’s name. (and it’s one of aesthetics that has helped me cope with my personal childhood trauma…actually a lot of the aesthetics and interests I like help me with my trauma…..especially Yokai Watch and other cartoons/anime….I also feel like I really never grew up…because growing up sucks...)Also this username is fitting because OG Jibanyan is just me when I was kid (yes,everything but the fighting of course,same goes with SS Jibs) and Shadowside Jibanyan is just me currently.(that’s probably why I really kin Jibanyan…)I’ve also been wearing different kinds of clothes for a year or two and I dyed my hair a few months ago.It was supposed to be pink,but…it turned out red-pink.That explains my persona’s new design….I’ll probably also use this design of Jibanyan in place of my persona…..when I don’t feel like using my persona. I’ll just switch back and forth with these designs….

Also an update on my life and why I’ve been not posting as much.Life has been slowing me down with my own problems.My condition has been putting me on hold.I’ve had this condition since childhood.(it’s my chronic pain/fatigue) It’s at the point it makes me not want to live…I thought I was starting to get better,but…It explains why I don’t post as much as I used to…(since my thoughts/condition worsened…) It’s been like this for years and I should be used to this…..but….I’ve been trying to outweigh the negative things for the past few years….I tried to think of reasons to live…but I wanted to end myself….I’m fine now and I told my parents to get me medical help for my condition/thoughts and they have. I’m doing better currently. I want to thank everyone who has checked on me recently. I really appreciate it and it has made me feel better.I’m doing great at this point….but sometimes my bad thoughts just get to me…..

I promise I’ll try to change these feelings into something positive.All I ever wanted is to make people happy..I also never meant anything negative I’ve said in the past…I was only angry at (and hated) myself at the time….I didn’t know how to express it and…..I’m sorry for being the way I was before…..I hate myself so much for how I was….but I have been doing better with the help I’ve been receiving..I’m going to try keep posting Yokai Watch related content soon.Here’s to 2022,hoping that I can heal...I promise my future posts will be positive.I just need to get this out and to also say that I want to leave my old self behind. That’s why I want to start with a new persona and new username to get rid of the person I hate the most….my old self…As of now I’m blessed to be alive and I’m trying to be happy….but…at the same time…..I don’t want to be here...but….I’ll try my best…..just existing. ..

Everything belongs to their rightful owners