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"Someone was here, I'm sure of it!"
Twin female guards stalked with care and paranoia, their spears poised and ready to strike. They had just witnessed a familiar thief run past them through the holy temple. Unbeknownst to them, Chel was carefully positioned among the ceiling pillars. She was in a tight, awkward spot, holding onto ceiling columns. She held a precious pot gilded with various golden animals. Her position was precarious to say the absolute least.
"Well, whoever was here isn't around now!"
"How do you know? We can't be sure until we've done a through search." The other guard groaned, all she wanted to do was go home and relax.
"Fine, lets keep searching for your phantom thief!" Chel became exponentially nervous, and it showed as she trembled violently, almost letting go of the precious pot. She started to notice her vibrating tummy. Initially, she chalked it up to fear, but as her belly swelled and rumbled, she knew it was something different, something she must have ate.

"Oh no." Chel impulsively whispered. Her insides churned and groaned uproariously.
"What was that?" The other guard shrugged. Chel prayed that the guards would keep their heads down. The pain inside her refused to yield and her mid drift bulged noticeably. The massive pocket of air that was causing her so much distress moved its way down her body, right behind her butt.
"I'm telling you, I swear I heard something!"
"Would you just shut up!?" Chel was stuck between a rock and a hard place to a larger degree than before. If she held it in, the pain would surely compromise her already waning composure. If she let it out, the noise and/or smell would alert the guards to her presence. As the thundering gas charged towards her exit, Chel's options became increasingly limited.
*FFFRRRRRTTT*
The guards shot up in response to the accidental emission.
"Dang it!" Chell whispered to herself.
"See! I told you there was someone here!" The opposite guard rolled her eyes.
"Oh shut up would you!" Chel clenched her buttcheeks to hold in the gas bubbling inside her, but only succeeded in delaying the inevitable release of the entire bomb.
*FRRRP* *PLLRRTT*
*FRMMMMMPPPP*
The short bursts caused Chel's skirt to flutter.
"Okay seriously, what is that!?"
"Maybe it's a bird?"
"What?! What kind of bird sounds like that!?"
The centered pressure in Chel's stomach was powerful enough to cause Chel to feel like she was going to going to fall.
"I swear to the gods, we have to find this elusive trickster before its to late." Chel lost all control of her butt.
*FRRRRRRLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPTTTTTTTTT*

The guards traced the sloppy sound to directly above them. Chel panicked, screamed and fell on top of one of the sentrys. The other guard aprroached her, spear in hand.
"Ha! I've got you. You will be in so much-"
*BLLLLLMMMMMRRTTTTTT*
Chel blasted the guard right in the face. They both stood still for a moment. The guard lost her balance and fell over, knocked out cold. Chel snickered, amused and elated with how she disabled the threat. She turned to stare at the remaining guard, who briefly realized what she was about to do.
"Wait wait wait! Don't! I'll swear I-" Before she could finish negotiating, Chel turned around and sat on the guards face, effectively silencing her. Chel pushed with all her might.
*PPHHHHHRRRRRBBBBBBPPPPPTTTLLLLLRRRRTTTTPPPPP*
*PLLLLRRAAAAGGGHHHTTTPPPP*
*PRFFRT* *FRRRMMP* *BLLT*
Chel lifted her butt to look at the guards face. Unconscious. Chel smiled widely. She stood up, pat her belly and left with her prize. Today was a good day.