Admiral-Awesome [2008-08-08 09:53:26 +0000 UTC]

I actually really like this. Some of the lines in there are just beautiful.
"Unfailing, untarnished, alive in our hearts"
"A country with a future as great as its past "
Those are both wonderful ideas and extremely well put into words. They both have great imagery and the unfailing line has an excellent rhythm to it.
I think it doesn't need to rhyme, but a few little tweaks could perfect it.
Umm... For a start 'The echoes calls us' should either be echo calls us or echoes call us.
The third line has a rhythm issue, I'd instead write "Sun silently crosses this Great South Land." The syllables fit better and I think the alliteration has more punch.
Personally I'd drop 'our ANZAC' from the fourth line, as it gives the sentence a slightly better structure.
Oh and I'd put a the in the wonders line, as in 'Rich in the wonders'

I think that's it. Change whatever you like, and feel free to ignore me completely if that suits you. I'm sorry for the power critique, its just I really like this poem and think it could be really special if you spent a little more time with it.
Anyways, well done, I really like this. Awesome stuff.

You're a long comment.

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