HOME | DD

Description
So I've talked about my "epic" first RPG campaign before. The campaign took over one and a half years to end and happened almost 4 years ago, which is why every retelling is different. But here's the gist of it.

Two of my friends in college and I wanted to start playing an RPG. One of them was really experienced and had run several campaigns before this one, but my other friend and I had no experience whatsoever so the first session was total clown shoes. This first session was also played together with three other friends, except that these guys only watched and didn't play with us. But they thought that it looked like so much fun that they had to join in. So after the first few sessions, we became six players, one DM and the game was on. Because of various reasons, I'm not going to use their names or even PC names for this tale, instead I'll use aliases and when a name has "(PC)" after it, it means that it's a player character.

On to the campaign setting. It was a homebrew by the DM and I can't really say I know the full deal. But at the start of the campaign, the James (PC) had become the subject of a dragon death curse. Basically, when a dragon dies in this universe, they curse some poor mortal to become the vessel for their soul as they regain power. This is the only time when a dragon is truly mortal though and James (PC) was being escorted to the capital city to be properly executed with his dragon soul.

Then a whole load of fuckery happens and I can't remember exactly what, but at this point our team is six PCs and we've just killed some kind of wizard or something in some castle or something. In this room there are a number of magical goblets, filled with some magical stuff that teleports you to some other place in the world. My character, Beckett, is out cold because of an argument with the other players over the loot. And while Beckett is out, the other guys are trying to figure out what to do next and it gets stupid. No one knows what the goblets do and James (PC) chooses to test them out on Beckett.

Except that he pours the content of TWO goblets into Beckett's mouth and Beckett is now lost between time and space.

After this... fifth session? I am made to work extra hard on some college projects and I can't be part of the next two or four sessions. But I finally return with a new character. A human thief named Daiden Rosch.

Daiden is the worst thief ever. Not because of poor skills or bad strategies, but because the FUCKING DICE HATES HIM! This idiot fudges every damn move until our team is faced with a kind of half-human half-dragon thing that almost destroys the city the team is in.

The fight against the durgon-thing is really bad and around the time we get it down to maybe two-thirds of his health, our team is basically fucked. Daiden was knocked down underneath the durgon and it's only a matter of time before he's crushed beneath its giant clawed feet.

So I basically turn to the DM and I say "Daiden is fucking dead, he may as well go out in a blaze of glory. So he brings up his two blades and aims for the durgon's ballsack."

The DM goes "Yeah, that's an aimed attack so it's extra difficult, roll double dice for both of your weapons."

And I roll a critical hit for the first weapon. And another critical hit for the second weapon. "Aimed attacks" in this homebrew game basically do double damage on their weapons and "Critical rolls"double the damage further. So I get quadruple damage for two hits on a durgon's ballsack.

The durgon died.

~

Fast forward to the point when we are sent away from this city of durgon-slaying to a land far to the north where an evil witch has taken control. Entering their capital, we are sent to the guard captain because we are foreigners and he wishes to ask us questions. And out of panic in the interview, Daiden tries to kill the captain. But before we are all killed, we are whisked back to the durgon-city by a group of benevolent vampires that we got to know the last time we were there.

Oh yeah, I forgot the vampire didn't I? Don't worry they weren't important until now.

The vampires felt our predicament and chose to help us. And because our full team was now wanted for high murder, we needed disguises. Which the vampires were happy to help us out with if we provided them with "materials" for these disguises.

While Daiden stayed at the vampire castle getting drunk because of how ashamed he was, the rest of the team went to the local graveyard with some vampire thralls to dig up a few of the most recent corpses. These corpses were later used by the vampires to fashion some grotesque-looking masks that would alter every part of the wearer's body to look just like the deceased person, when they were alive, of course.

The ranger of the team, Patrick (PC) didn't like being turned into a halfling woman though and Daiden, still being filled with shame and lots of alcohol, told Patrick that he'd wear it, no sweat! And so it came to be that Daiden Rosch was now in the guise of a female halfling cleric. And the adventure continued.

But there were a few things that no one told the team about the masks. Each one had been custom-tailored to each of the team and swapping masks could cause some unforeseen consequences. And you shouldn't be inebriated before putting them on because a drunk mind has less willpower than a sober mind. And lastly, the longer you wear the mask, the more control the dead person takes over your body...

A lot of things happen in the meanwhile, the team frees the northlands from the evil witch, yadda yadda. But more importantly, because Daiden's mask wasn't meant for him (and because of DM magic because the team desperately needed a healer and I was willing) his mind and the dead halfling woman fused together with most of his memories and with her personality. Daiden Rosch, the shitty thief was no more and Kenza Detaitle, the halfling cleric had taken his place.

And then some stuff happens, Kenza gets into an argument with Patrick (PC) and shatters his ribcage with her mace thanks to an unlucky critical hit which leaves him one health point away from death. The team travels east across the "Forbidden Sea" and kills a kraken before they arrive in a land that's basically just "Fantasy China" where Kenza gets drunk and is accidentally lured into a lesbian threesome...

After several weeks of playtime and in-game travelling, the team finds one of the "makers of the world." They're basically just engineers that work for the ONE deity but they are still the most powerful beings in the world behind the ONE. And this Titan guy is named Paladin.

What that is, I don't know and yes we asked that question in-game way too many times...

Paladin was a nice guy though and gave each of us pretty neat gifts. He levelled us up, gave us new weapons and armour, very nice guy. He gave Kenza a new mace of super-sturdy magic gold and glowing yellow crystals that did holy damage and he taught her how to heal from a distance, buff the other PCs, resurrect dead characters and how to throw holy fire at her opponents. As I said, very nice guy. But the best thing he did was that he made her taller.

Throughout the entire campaign, the other players and the DM made it a running gag to joke about how short Kenza was and at some point she had to be restrained from harming the other PCs every time they made fun of her. So now she was essentially human, because this universe's halfling are just short humans.

Then some thing happens and in an incident that involves the god of randomness, a cherry pie and a real dragon (not a weak durgon) Kenza loses her mind and swears allegiance to the dragon and tries to kill the PC she hates the most. And as she strikes her former comrade in the head, reality breaks down around them, sending Kenza and the teams tank, Willard (PC), to the realm of the dead. The other members are sent to the "beyond realm," where Fred, the god slayer lives in his cottage. Incidentally this is where Beckett, my first character was sent to earlier but we don't talk about him anymore.

The other members are told by Fred that together with Kenza and Willard, they are fated to destroy the ONE god and when Kenza lost her mind, she tore the threads of fate apart which was why they were sent away from the real world and into other realms where her insanity could no longer do any harm. Kenza and Willard are told the same but not from Fred, the god slayer, but from the god of faith and the god of death. And this is when it turns out that Willard is this world's avatar of light. And Kenza is this world's avatar of darkness.

Yeah... she's a cleric of the holy light and the avatar of darkness... I don't know if that is awesome, corny or both.

With all of this knowledge, the team is sent back in time and made ready to kill themselves a dragon. And that thing went down epically, I remember that. Not as epically as stabbing a durgon in the balls and dealing quadruple damage with two blades but still.

Apparently that was it for the "mythical lands of the east" because they are they teleported back to the continent they came from except far south in a Babylon-ish city. Once there the team realizes that they are kinda completely broke. All their money is in the denomination that they use in the "east" and it's pretty worthless here in "Babylon." So Kenza and Willard finds a shady fight club thing and makes a bet that Willard can defeat the champion. He is a tank after all and his HP and defense is through the roof after meeting that Paladin guy and killing a dragon.

What was kinda funny is that Willard (player) fudges like six or seven dice throws to hit the champion before he scores a critical hit and turns the champion's face into pudding.

Either way, the team got a really good payday of almost three hundred gold coins each.

Now that the team is set on the monetary side, it's time for them to do what they came for. Which I can't remember. It did involve some Mission Impossible style break-in to the palace where they were meant to rescue the "real monarch" or something. They do it though and are then called to action somewhere else. But before that, real-life college stuff happens and only I, the DM, Willard and one more can come to the next session. So we settle on just doing a quick thing where we do random shit in "Babylon."

Have anyone of you ever heard of the Little Shop of Everything? Me neither but the DM told me after this session that everything in it costs 5 gold and can destroy the world.

Kenza goes inside and buys three things. A chain-locked book, a cool-looking backpack and some third thing I can't remember. Kenza thinks that the book might hold some sort of magical knowledge that will help them and smashes the chains of to open the book. Whereupon it BEAMS out a massive pillar of dark magic to the skies and blackens them completely. Immediately she knows, as the one who opened it, that Azathoth is coming in three days to consume the world. And NOTHING can stop it.

I blame this entirely on the DM by the way.

So the game is basically done by this point and Kenza jumps into the backpack, which is a bag of infinite holding and nothing can escape it. Willard hops into it too for some reason.

And that was the end of my first ever RPG campaign. Sorry about the length, but I had to write it down at some point, right?

Anyway, this sequence is of Daiden Rosch becoming Kenza Detaitle. I don't like three-step sequences but I had to get this done and I didn't know how else to do a mask-TF so here you go. The next one ought to be more interesting.

Description
So I've talked about my "epic" first RPG campaign before. The campaign took over one and a half years to end and happened almost 4 years ago, which is why every retelling is different. But here's the gist of it.

Two of my friends in college and I wanted to start playing an RPG. One of them was really experienced and had run several campaigns before this one, but my other friend and I had no experience whatsoever so the first session was total clown shoes. This first session was also played together with three other friends, except that these guys only watched and didn't play with us. But they thought that it looked like so much fun that they had to join in. So after the first few sessions, we became six players, one DM and the game was on. Because of various reasons, I'm not going to use their names or even PC names for this tale, instead I'll use aliases and when a name has "(PC)" after it, it means that it's a player character.

On to the campaign setting. It was a homebrew by the DM and I can't really say I know the full deal. But at the start of the campaign, the James (PC) had become the subject of a dragon death curse. Basically, when a dragon dies in this universe, they curse some poor mortal to become the vessel for their soul as they regain power. This is the only time when a dragon is truly mortal though and James (PC) was being escorted to the capital city to be properly executed with his dragon soul.

Then a whole load of fuckery happens and I can't remember exactly what, but at this point our team is six PCs and we've just killed some kind of wizard or something in some castle or something. In this room there are a number of magical goblets, filled with some magical stuff that teleports you to some other place in the world. My character, Beckett, is out cold because of an argument with the other players over the loot. And while Beckett is out, the other guys are trying to figure out what to do next and it gets stupid. No one knows what the goblets do and James (PC) chooses to test them out on Beckett.

Except that he pours the content of TWO goblets into Beckett's mouth and Beckett is now lost between time and space.

After this... fifth session? I am made to work extra hard on some college projects and I can't be part of the next two or four sessions. But I finally return with a new character. A human thief named Daiden Rosch.

Daiden is the worst thief ever. Not because of poor skills or bad strategies, but because the FUCKING DICE HATES HIM! This idiot fudges every damn move until our team is faced with a kind of half-human half-dragon thing that almost destroys the city the team is in.

The fight against the durgon-thing is really bad and around the time we get it down to maybe two-thirds of his health, our team is basically fucked. Daiden was knocked down underneath the durgon and it's only a matter of time before he's crushed beneath its giant clawed feet.

So I basically turn to the DM and I say "Daiden is fucking dead, he may as well go out in a blaze of glory. So he brings up his two blades and aims for the durgon's ballsack."

The DM goes "Yeah, that's an aimed attack so it's extra difficult, roll double dice for both of your weapons."

And I roll a critical hit for the first weapon. And another critical hit for the second weapon. "Aimed attacks" in this homebrew game basically do double damage on their weapons and "Critical rolls"double the damage further. So I get quadruple damage for two hits on a durgon's ballsack.

The durgon died.

~

Fast forward to the point when we are sent away from this city of durgon-slaying to a land far to the north where an evil witch has taken control. Entering their capital, we are sent to the guard captain because we are foreigners and he wishes to ask us questions. And out of panic in the interview, Daiden tries to kill the captain. But before we are all killed, we are whisked back to the durgon-city by a group of benevolent vampires that we got to know the last time we were there.

Oh yeah, I forgot the vampire didn't I? Don't worry they weren't important until now.

The vampires felt our predicament and chose to help us. And because our full team was now wanted for high murder, we needed disguises. Which the vampires were happy to help us out with if we provided them with "materials" for these disguises.

While Daiden stayed at the vampire castle getting drunk because of how ashamed he was, the rest of the team went to the local graveyard with some vampire thralls to dig up a few of the most recent corpses. These corpses were later used by the vampires to fashion some grotesque-looking masks that would alter every part of the wearer's body to look just like the deceased person, when they were alive, of course.

The ranger of the team, Patrick (PC) didn't like being turned into a halfling woman though and Daiden, still being filled with shame and lots of alcohol, told Patrick that he'd wear it, no sweat! And so it came to be that Daiden Rosch was now in the guise of a female halfling cleric. And the adventure continued.

But there were a few things that no one told the team about the masks. Each one had been custom-tailored to each of the team and swapping masks could cause some unforeseen consequences. And you shouldn't be inebriated before putting them on because a drunk mind has less willpower than a sober mind. And lastly, the longer you wear the mask, the more control the dead person takes over your body...

A lot of things happen in the meanwhile, the team frees the northlands from the evil witch, yadda yadda. But more importantly, because Daiden's mask wasn't meant for him (and because of DM magic because the team desperately needed a healer and I was willing) his mind and the dead halfling woman fused together with most of his memories and with her personality. Daiden Rosch, the shitty thief was no more and Kenza Detaitle, the halfling cleric had taken his place.

And then some stuff happens, Kenza gets into an argument with Patrick (PC) and shatters his ribcage with her mace thanks to an unlucky critical hit which leaves him one health point away from death. The team travels east across the "Forbidden Sea" and kills a kraken before they arrive in a land that's basically just "Fantasy China" where Kenza gets drunk and is accidentally lured into a lesbian threesome...

After several weeks of playtime and in-game travelling, the team finds one of the "makers of the world." They're basically just engineers that work for the ONE deity but they are still the most powerful beings in the world behind the ONE. And this Titan guy is named Paladin.

What that is, I don't know and yes we asked that question in-game way too many times...

Paladin was a nice guy though and gave each of us pretty neat gifts. He levelled us up, gave us new weapons and armour, very nice guy. He gave Kenza a new mace of super-sturdy magic gold and glowing yellow crystals that did holy damage and he taught her how to heal from a distance, buff the other PCs, resurrect dead characters and how to throw holy fire at her opponents. As I said, very nice guy. But the best thing he did was that he made her taller.

Throughout the entire campaign, the other players and the DM made it a running gag to joke about how short Kenza was and at some point she had to be restrained from harming the other PCs every time they made fun of her. So now she was essentially human, because this universe's halfling are just short humans.

Then some thing happens and in an incident that involves the god of randomness, a cherry pie and a real dragon (not a weak durgon) Kenza loses her mind and swears allegiance to the dragon and tries to kill the PC she hates the most. And as she strikes her former comrade in the head, reality breaks down around them, sending Kenza and the teams tank, Willard (PC), to the realm of the dead. The other members are sent to the "beyond realm," where Fred, the god slayer lives in his cottage. Incidentally this is where Beckett, my first character was sent to earlier but we don't talk about him anymore.

The other members are told by Fred that together with Kenza and Willard, they are fated to destroy the ONE god and when Kenza lost her mind, she tore the threads of fate apart which was why they were sent away from the real world and into other realms where her insanity could no longer do any harm. Kenza and Willard are told the same but not from Fred, the god slayer, but from the god of faith and the god of death. And this is when it turns out that Willard is this world's avatar of light. And Kenza is this world's avatar of darkness.

Yeah... she's a cleric of the holy light and the avatar of darkness... I don't know if that is awesome, corny or both.

With all of this knowledge, the team is sent back in time and made ready to kill themselves a dragon. And that thing went down epically, I remember that. Not as epically as stabbing a durgon in the balls and dealing quadruple damage with two blades but still.

Apparently that was it for the "mythical lands of the east" because they are they teleported back to the continent they came from except far south in a Babylon-ish city. Once there the team realizes that they are kinda completely broke. All their money is in the denomination that they use in the "east" and it's pretty worthless here in "Babylon." So Kenza and Willard finds a shady fight club thing and makes a bet that Willard can defeat the champion. He is a tank after all and his HP and defense is through the roof after meeting that Paladin guy and killing a dragon.

What was kinda funny is that Willard (player) fudges like six or seven dice throws to hit the champion before he scores a critical hit and turns the champion's face into pudding.

Either way, the team got a really good payday of almost three hundred gold coins each.

Now that the team is set on the monetary side, it's time for them to do what they came for. Which I can't remember. It did involve some Mission Impossible style break-in to the palace where they were meant to rescue the "real monarch" or something. They do it though and are then called to action somewhere else. But before that, real-life college stuff happens and only I, the DM, Willard and one more can come to the next session. So we settle on just doing a quick thing where we do random shit in "Babylon."

Have anyone of you ever heard of the Little Shop of Everything? Me neither but the DM told me after this session that everything in it costs 5 gold and can destroy the world.

Kenza goes inside and buys three things. A chain-locked book, a cool-looking backpack and some third thing I can't remember. Kenza thinks that the book might hold some sort of magical knowledge that will help them and smashes the chains of to open the book. Whereupon it BEAMS out a massive pillar of dark magic to the skies and blackens them completely. Immediately she knows, as the one who opened it, that Azathoth is coming in three days to consume the world. And NOTHING can stop it.

I blame this entirely on the DM by the way.

So the game is basically done by this point and Kenza jumps into the backpack, which is a bag of infinite holding and nothing can escape it. Willard hops into it too for some reason.

And that was the end of my first ever RPG campaign. Sorry about the length, but I had to write it down at some point, right?

Anyway, this sequence is of Daiden Rosch becoming Kenza Detaitle. I don't like three-step sequences but I had to get this done and I didn't know how else to do a mask-TF so here you go. The next one ought to be more interesting.