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Description
i am not handsome, but i am endearing
and wearing clothes to cover my indecent
flesh and unhealthy habits i will charm you
with witty jokes, sarcasm, and a surprising intellect;
because, who would think I’d be social
and approachable, smart, and charming
despite being fat, and unattractive?

considering the question
i dared to undress and see my body
for the first time in weeks
-sagging belly, and a full stomach ,
fat breasts, stretch marks,
and my manhood asleep
as if it were impotent
and quiet.

people compliment my shirts,
or my beard’s red tint
but never my smile,
and rarely my eyes.
sometimes i am cute,
and i’m compared to big teddy bears
‘cause I’m ‘comfortable’ and ‘big’
and ‘huggable’
but i didn’t quite hear the same compliments
when i was 60 pounds lighter.

i am not a man, i am an overweight child
with a bad knee and penchant
to dissimulate my pain
and self-defecating humor.

my beard is a mess, but it hides the roundness
of my cheeks and if i were tall, and handsome
and if i ate well and exercised more
my clothes would be better fitting and instead
of being a geek, i’d be called smart and intellectual
but until then i am a geek, and a nerd,
and a loser;

i am bitter, but not in the ways most would expect.
i am suicidal, but not romantically inclined to death;
i will not take my life, because i haven’t written enough yet
and i wouldn’t want to be remembered as the fat kid
who wrote bad poetry in cheap school notebooks
and wasn’t all that social, or friendly, or anything.

i am bitter because i try, and i am weak
and i’ll never be the man she expected me to be.