Ice-Blue-Rose [2008-10-16 00:28:07 +0000 UTC]
I like. Maybe you could slim down the last sentance to just "she's gone" for more impact, because i think the 'and' makes accumulation work against you there? I dunno, thats just one popinion, but someting to think about maybe?
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TheTwelve [2008-10-02 21:29:42 +0000 UTC]
Clumsy, not the word I would use. It's powerful and, from what you've said, an accurate expression of emotion.
Beauiful imagery, but so sad...
Maybe someday...
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