HOME | DD

Krayt1138 — Sundown

Published: 2008-10-02 21:22:14 +0000 UTC; Views: 144; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 4
Redirect to original
Description The beauty of a setting sun on the sea... The quiet force of this moment...
She's dressed in those white clothes I've never seen her in before. Perhaps it's a white dress? But certainly not a wedding one.
My hand is in hers. I feel safe. Confident. I can do anything. The sun is warm in South Africa... And she's here. On this bit of land that advances in the sea, covered in long, undulating grass...
We're about a hundred feet above the sea and I can feel the wind, quiet inland, gaining force and swirling out to meet the surf. The only noise is the grass against our clothes, the surf and the wind. It's quiet here, and so full of noise at the same time...
She lets go of my hand and runs out. Along that piece of land, she runs, happy to be there. And I laugh to see her happy.
My vision detaches itself from me now, goes high in the sky. I can see the two of us alone on this bit of land, the cliff beneath us... It turns around us, always focused on her, and keeps me in the picture... Always on the edge, but always there... Flashes, memories come back in rapid succession... The horses' field... Edinburgh, too many to count... Under the stage... That first time we talked... The golf course... That third of March dream...
The sun is seconds away from disappearing behind a hill... Her face, every detail of which is still as vivid as the memory I have of her, is smiling at me.
The sun blinds me at the last second, just before it sets. When I recover, I'm alone... The sun has set, it's getting cold.
She's gone.
Related content
Comments: 3

Ice-Blue-Rose [2008-10-16 00:28:07 +0000 UTC]

I like. Maybe you could slim down the last sentance to just "she's gone" for more impact, because i think the 'and' makes accumulation work against you there? I dunno, thats just one popinion, but someting to think about maybe?

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Krayt1138 In reply to Ice-Blue-Rose [2008-10-16 00:40:35 +0000 UTC]

Something to think about, definitely. I'll edit and see what it feels like afterwards.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

TheTwelve [2008-10-02 21:29:42 +0000 UTC]

Clumsy, not the word I would use. It's powerful and, from what you've said, an accurate expression of emotion.
Beauiful imagery, but so sad...
Maybe someday...

👍: 0 ⏩: 0