Comments: 10
FallenAngel080 [2009-03-16 06:39:30 +0000 UTC]
And then Kadi's father comes out of the house with a baseball bat, and starts yelling profanities. Thee end.
XD Kidding. It was really cute, and well written. The only critique I can offer would be to clarify this sentence: "The coffee shop stayed open until midnight for us, but then I had to get home before my parents freaked."
Did she have to be home before midnight, or when the coffee shop closed did she have to go home because of a curfew?
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Kyohru In reply to FallenAngel080 [2009-03-16 11:34:39 +0000 UTC]
well, earlier, i mentioned that the coffee shop stayed open until about 11 and then i said that they allowed it to stay open until midnight--which is pretty late--and that is saying that it was around midnight that they went home. but yeah, i see your point and i'm glad someone actually gave me a real critique instead of always saying, "I loved it!" when they found stuff wrong.
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rahwyn09 [2009-03-11 02:01:51 +0000 UTC]
8'D aaaaah, love love LOOOOOVE it!!! (SO not biased here, by the way!) well-written, cute characters, beautiful story. brava dear, brava!
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Kyohru In reply to rahwyn09 [2009-03-11 11:30:59 +0000 UTC]
are you sure you're not biased? because i was really tired when i wrote it and my thoughts the entire time were this kinda sucks but i'm too tired to fix it.
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Kyohru In reply to rahwyn09 [2009-03-15 19:05:03 +0000 UTC]
there are grammar errors?
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Kyohru In reply to rahwyn09 [2009-03-18 23:09:36 +0000 UTC]
well...you could tell me what these phantom errors might be and i can correct them...
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Mela18 [2009-03-10 01:31:59 +0000 UTC]
WAH! CUTE!!! omg! Madeline sooooo cute! and very well written! nice job!!! but omfg!!! OwO so cute! O______O
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