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Description

_____________________________________________
See it from the outside
Running to the wall
Swinging from your blind side
But you don't know me at all
I've been here too many times before

And your tears don't mean a thing
I only come when you scream, I told you
Child, don't follow me home
You're just too perfect for my hands to own
If you choose to stay, you'll throw it all away
And I just want to take your innocence

Is this what you wanted
Did I make your dreams come true?
You're sitting in a corner
Wondering what you got into
And you ache for things you don't understand

That your tears don't mean a thing
I only come when you scream, and I told you
Child, don't follow me home
You're just too perfect for my hands to own
If you choose to stay, you'll throw it all away
And I just want to take your innocence

There's no such thing as fate
Only yourself to blame

You never walked away

I told you

Child, don't follow me home
You're just too perfect for my hands to own
If you choose to stay, you'll throw it all away
And I just want to take your innocence
Child, don't follow me home
You're just too perfect for my hands to own
If you choose to stay, you'll throw it all away
And I just want to take your innocence

I just want to take

Your innocence

_____________________________________________

Halestorm's (who are rapidly becoming one of my favorite bands) song 'Innocence' really strikes me as a very accurate representation of Grievous's early relationship with Dana in the Team 5 stories. When he and Dana first meet, Dana is a very young, compassionate, naive character who automatically sees the best in everyone, and lacks certain kinds of maturity, as she has still not quite developed into a young adult. She latched on to Grievous from the beginning, and as they both grow, they grow closer.

Grievous, however, is an extremely damaged individual. He's been through a hell few people would survive, and has lost a great deal of emotional stability for it. He definitely has problems, serious ones, and he swings between trying to suppress them and pretend he's fine, and lashing out. What he fears most is himself. He regards Dana as a child, which in a way she still is, and the damaged part of him that can't survive in a world of purity desires nothing more than to shatter her innocent worldview, make her see the worst in him, make her fear him, wants to make her see that not everyone is nice and not everyone will love her or be her friend. He is very good at being vicious, and he's going to tear her down no matter what she says because that's all he knows how to do. If she tries to empathize, he will snap that she doesn't know him. If she tries to help he will bite back that he doesn't need anyone. He wants her to see the darkness in him when all she sees is the light. Why? Even he's not 100% sure. It might just be that he's afraid of getting attached to anyone or anything again, after he lost everything the first time around. Or that if he lost his innocence so young, why should anyone else have that innocence? Or that he has convinced himself that he's more of a monster than he actually is, and he searches for validation of that so he can wallow in his self-loathing—he's good at wallowing. Or it's a sort of self-punishment method, pushing away the only thing he has that's close to a friend because part of him thinks he deserves that. Or that he just wants to watch the world burn and making her break is easiest if he just uses his own darkness.

But he's aware of this urge to hurt her emotionally, and he tries to drive her away because of it more than because of anything else. Despite pining for the innocence he lost and the life he never had, he's convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that he can't be changed, and nothing can or will redeem him. It will only be when he falls in love with her years and years later that he starts to change this view. He's convinced himself; this is the way it is, the way he is, and people don't really change. That she can't change him and will hurt herself trying. So better to keep her away. But she's not trying to change him. She's trying to get him to see that she accepts him as he is and doesn't mind that he can't truly be her friend. She just wants to show him that someone can care for him, can accept him, at all.

Child, don't follow me home

You're just too perfect for my hands to own

And I just want to take

Your innocence

"Is this what you wanted / Did I make your dreams come true? Sitting in a corner / Wondering what you got into." Grievous is under the impression she's going to regret getting involved with him, that she was expecting more from him than what he could give, not realizing that she was asking nothing in return. "People can love the idea of you, but lack the maturity to handle the reality of you." Despite being an amalgamation of my immaturity, naivety, friendliness, generosity, sweetness and innocence increased to be her main character traits (I am a far more hardened, cynical creature) Dana has a surprising amount of maturity for someone specifically designed to be immature. She's not quite as naive as the world believes and holds a shocking hidden capability for understanding things most don't give her credit for. A lot of people find it difficult to live with and fully support someone with PTSD without having been through the same experience, which is why I've heard a lot of family members of veterans say their veterans seemed like a different person entirely upon returning from war. It can't be any easier when the person with PTSD is a sociopath with something akin to split personality disorder. But that's what Grievous is. He's deeply ashamed of his scars, can get violent when angered without realizing it, freaks out if touched a certain way, doesn't like to be touched in general, can occasionally have [rare] hallucinations that make him extremely dangerous, has memories that cause him to panic sometimes, refuses to sleep because of the nightmares, flips his lid if his past or his physical scars are mentioned, has severe trust issues, can't quite discern some emotions from others and reacts aggressively to all, especially friendliness, lacks certain emotional capabilities, and has lost most of his ability to empathize. Most people would probably run in the other direction from the prospect of a relationship with that much baggage. It takes a special kind of person to have the patience and acceptance, maturity and willingness to live with a person like Grievous. He's spent all his years believing no one will ever want him, and now that someone is showing a hint of interest in having a relationship, of any kind, with him, he shies away in terror.

Recently I've found myself drawing inspiration for Grievous and Dana's dynamic and relationship from my real-life Grievous, considering that Dana is, of course, a projection of me, and my real-life situation has many striking similarities. The two of us together seem quite drawn to the broken boys, not to fix but to help heal. I think had this come about a few years ago, I never would have been able to handle that reality, but as I've matured, and dragged many of my characters into maturity with me, I have that capability now, and the capacity. And I tried to channel that into her a little more. Team 5 Dana is stronger than most give her credit for, and her ability to endure is what will make them, her and Grievous, what they eventually become. She is willing to shoulder part of the burden just to make it easier for him. She doesn't expect anything in return like he thinks she does. She's completely willing to give 100% and not expect him to give in return—and in reality, most people PROBABLY wouldn't be willing or even emotionally able to do that, it's just basic human nature. So it's a little unrealistic there, but considering I'm basing it off myself and my real-life experience, I would beg to differ.
Of course, I recognize it is still very difficult to have a relationship with such a damaged person, and it isn't going to be sunshine and rainbows from here on out. Like myself, she will have to sacrifice a lot to just be his friend, and she will have to convince him to trust her and open up to her. It's going to hurt. She will get hurt. But she'll come back. What's important, most important, is that she keeps coming back. He shuts people out and his defense mechanism is aggression. But she has the patience needed. She never gives up on him. She will accept him no matter what and that will help him heal more than anything else.

Child, don't follow me home
You're just too perfect for my hands to hold
If you choose to stay, you'll throw it all away

And I just want to take your innocence

Art, Grievous and Dana (c) Me
THIS IS NOT GENERAL GRIEVOUS

Description

_____________________________________________
See it from the outside
Running to the wall
Swinging from your blind side
But you don't know me at all
I've been here too many times before

And your tears don't mean a thing
I only come when you scream, I told you
Child, don't follow me home
You're just too perfect for my hands to own
If you choose to stay, you'll throw it all away
And I just want to take your innocence

Is this what you wanted
Did I make your dreams come true?
You're sitting in a corner
Wondering what you got into
And you ache for things you don't understand

That your tears don't mean a thing
I only come when you scream, and I told you
Child, don't follow me home
You're just too perfect for my hands to own
If you choose to stay, you'll throw it all away
And I just want to take your innocence

There's no such thing as fate
Only yourself to blame

You never walked away

I told you

Child, don't follow me home
You're just too perfect for my hands to own
If you choose to stay, you'll throw it all away
And I just want to take your innocence
Child, don't follow me home
You're just too perfect for my hands to own
If you choose to stay, you'll throw it all away
And I just want to take your innocence

I just want to take

Your innocence

_____________________________________________

Halestorm's (who are rapidly becoming one of my favorite bands) song 'Innocence' really strikes me as a very accurate representation of Grievous's early relationship with Dana in the Team 5 stories. When he and Dana first meet, Dana is a very young, compassionate, naive character who automatically sees the best in everyone, and lacks certain kinds of maturity, as she has still not quite developed into a young adult. She latched on to Grievous from the beginning, and as they both grow, they grow closer.

Grievous, however, is an extremely damaged individual. He's been through a hell few people would survive, and has lost a great deal of emotional stability for it. He definitely has problems, serious ones, and he swings between trying to suppress them and pretend he's fine, and lashing out. What he fears most is himself. He regards Dana as a child, which in a way she still is, and the damaged part of him that can't survive in a world of purity desires nothing more than to shatter her innocent worldview, make her see the worst in him, make her fear him, wants to make her see that not everyone is nice and not everyone will love her or be her friend. He is very good at being vicious, and he's going to tear her down no matter what she says because that's all he knows how to do. If she tries to empathize, he will snap that she doesn't know him. If she tries to help he will bite back that he doesn't need anyone. He wants her to see the darkness in him when all she sees is the light. Why? Even he's not 100% sure. It might just be that he's afraid of getting attached to anyone or anything again, after he lost everything the first time around. Or that if he lost his innocence so young, why should anyone else have that innocence? Or that he has convinced himself that he's more of a monster than he actually is, and he searches for validation of that so he can wallow in his self-loathing—he's good at wallowing. Or it's a sort of self-punishment method, pushing away the only thing he has that's close to a friend because part of him thinks he deserves that. Or that he just wants to watch the world burn and making her break is easiest if he just uses his own darkness.

But he's aware of this urge to hurt her emotionally, and he tries to drive her away because of it more than because of anything else. Despite pining for the innocence he lost and the life he never had, he's convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that he can't be changed, and nothing can or will redeem him. It will only be when he falls in love with her years and years later that he starts to change this view. He's convinced himself; this is the way it is, the way he is, and people don't really change. That she can't change him and will hurt herself trying. So better to keep her away. But she's not trying to change him. She's trying to get him to see that she accepts him as he is and doesn't mind that he can't truly be her friend. She just wants to show him that someone can care for him, can accept him, at all.

Child, don't follow me home

You're just too perfect for my hands to own

And I just want to take

Your innocence

"Is this what you wanted / Did I make your dreams come true? Sitting in a corner / Wondering what you got into." Grievous is under the impression she's going to regret getting involved with him, that she was expecting more from him than what he could give, not realizing that she was asking nothing in return. "People can love the idea of you, but lack the maturity to handle the reality of you." Despite being an amalgamation of my immaturity, naivety, friendliness, generosity, sweetness and innocence increased to be her main character traits (I am a far more hardened, cynical creature) Dana has a surprising amount of maturity for someone specifically designed to be immature. She's not quite as naive as the world believes and holds a shocking hidden capability for understanding things most don't give her credit for. A lot of people find it difficult to live with and fully support someone with PTSD without having been through the same experience, which is why I've heard a lot of family members of veterans say their veterans seemed like a different person entirely upon returning from war. It can't be any easier when the person with PTSD is a sociopath with something akin to split personality disorder. But that's what Grievous is. He's deeply ashamed of his scars, can get violent when angered without realizing it, freaks out if touched a certain way, doesn't like to be touched in general, can occasionally have [rare] hallucinations that make him extremely dangerous, has memories that cause him to panic sometimes, refuses to sleep because of the nightmares, flips his lid if his past or his physical scars are mentioned, has severe trust issues, can't quite discern some emotions from others and reacts aggressively to all, especially friendliness, lacks certain emotional capabilities, and has lost most of his ability to empathize. Most people would probably run in the other direction from the prospect of a relationship with that much baggage. It takes a special kind of person to have the patience and acceptance, maturity and willingness to live with a person like Grievous. He's spent all his years believing no one will ever want him, and now that someone is showing a hint of interest in having a relationship, of any kind, with him, he shies away in terror.

Recently I've found myself drawing inspiration for Grievous and Dana's dynamic and relationship from my real-life Grievous, considering that Dana is, of course, a projection of me, and my real-life situation has many striking similarities. The two of us together seem quite drawn to the broken boys, not to fix but to help heal. I think had this come about a few years ago, I never would have been able to handle that reality, but as I've matured, and dragged many of my characters into maturity with me, I have that capability now, and the capacity. And I tried to channel that into her a little more. Team 5 Dana is stronger than most give her credit for, and her ability to endure is what will make them, her and Grievous, what they eventually become. She is willing to shoulder part of the burden just to make it easier for him. She doesn't expect anything in return like he thinks she does. She's completely willing to give 100% and not expect him to give in return—and in reality, most people PROBABLY wouldn't be willing or even emotionally able to do that, it's just basic human nature. So it's a little unrealistic there, but considering I'm basing it off myself and my real-life experience, I would beg to differ.
Of course, I recognize it is still very difficult to have a relationship with such a damaged person, and it isn't going to be sunshine and rainbows from here on out. Like myself, she will have to sacrifice a lot to just be his friend, and she will have to convince him to trust her and open up to her. It's going to hurt. She will get hurt. But she'll come back. What's important, most important, is that she keeps coming back. He shuts people out and his defense mechanism is aggression. But she has the patience needed. She never gives up on him. She will accept him no matter what and that will help him heal more than anything else.

Child, don't follow me home
You're just too perfect for my hands to hold
If you choose to stay, you'll throw it all away

And I just want to take your innocence

Art, Grievous and Dana (c) Me
THIS IS NOT GENERAL GRIEVOUS