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Description
I’m a cartoon guy. I watch cartoons. And sometimes, channels annoy me. Nickelodeon with it’s apparent hatred of cartoons not named The Loud House or SpongeBob. Disney Channel with it’s sitcoms. Even Cartoon Network with its constant repetition of Teen Titans Go and Gumball to fill its schedule(keep in mind that I like Teen Titans Go and Gumball). Discovery Family as a whole. But if there were one children’s cable channel that annoyed me the most, it would be Universal Kids.
This network is garbage. And yes, that is the actual logo. Where do I begin? At the beginning, I suppose.

In the beginning, there was PBS Kids Sprout.
A joint venture between PBS, Sesame Workshop(who had previously owned a stake in then-competing Noggin), HiT Entertainment, and Comcast(who, at the time, did not own NBCUniversal), PBS Kids Sprout was launched in September 2005 as a preschool oriented network. Previously, PBS had attempted a cable network in 1999 for kids, but it didn’t have their big moneymaker Sesame Street because Sesame Workshop was off with Noggin. Not this time, however. This being a joint venture, Sesame Street was back on the menu, along with their new hits by HiT Entertainment. Very fitting name. The next year, another kids joint venture- this time between NBCUniversal, Classic Media, Paxson Communications(now Ion Media), Scholastic, and Nelvana- was launched, called Qubo.

Qubo was a block on NBC, I Network, and Telemundo(currently just on I Network’s successor, Ion), as well as a digital sub channel. The initial lineup was actually great, with shows like Nelvana’s Jacob Two-Two, Scholastic’s Jane and the Dragon, and (most controversially) Classic Media’s VeggieTales. However, it has stagnated over the years. Case in point: despite attempts to appeal to a somewhat wider audience, it has become almost hyper fixated on preschool shows, they have no idea how to use the TV ratings system properly(Qubo drinking game: take a sip every time you see a show deserving of a Y rating get a Y7 or G instead), they’ve fixated on Nelvana shows and shows that wouldn’t get picked up by anyone else after Ion took over completely and everyone else stopped providing content, and their weekend schedule should legally be considered a crime. Despite this, the weekday schedule has a fair amount of variety, they have a fairly decent lineup of shows(if a bit lacking in the older audience department), and their current shows are just mildly generic(those live action animal shows that currently plague the Ion block) at the very worst and either cute(Stella and Sam), funny(Sidekick, yeah I said it), or awesome(Class of the Titans) at the very best, with a wealth of shows many will find nostalgic(Maggie and the Ferocious Beast, Miss Spider’s Sunny Patch Friends, Madeline, Paddington, Rescue Heroes, a stunning amount of old Discovery Kids shows). They just need to find the right formula, a new content partner, and maybe wider distribution. Over the air subchannels can only go so far, especially when it only covers 63% of the country with only a few cable providers carrying it.

But this isn’t an article about Qubo, this is an article about Universal Kids.

In 2011, Classic Media launches another digital sub channel, PBJ.

Comcast also bought 51% of NBCUniversal, and later acquired the rest in 2013. This led to NBC pulling out of Qubo in 2012, as their new majority owner owned a stake in Sprout. They then bought the rest of Sprout in 2013 and removed the PBS branding.

They also shut down KidsCo, their international network between them and Nelvana, in 2014, citing “growing challenges in the international children's television industry”, but really just to focus on Sprout. You know, instead of buying out KidsCo’s remaining stakes and expanding Sprout’s international presence, as they were now making original series.

Also in 2012, DreamWorks bought Classic Media.
They would later launch a primarily Southeast Asian channel simply called
DreamWorks Channel(although on air, it’s just called DreamWorks) in 2015.

Then, in 2016, PBJ shut down. Only 19 affiliates broadcast it out of around 1700, and it only broadcast Classic Media programs that were also on Qubo at the time... and My Life Me. Also in 2016... it happened.

Comcast bought DreamWorks, and it would use it’s programming(that had previously been on Netflix) as a building block for what it believed would be the fourth major kids network.

Now, for the longest time, there have been three major kids networks- Nickelodeon, Disney Channel, and Cartoon Network. Over the years, there have been multiple attempts to make a fourth one. Fox attempted it in 1998 by reformatting the Family Channel into Fox Family, in an attempt to keep themselves relevant in an age where blocks like their Fox Kids block were losing ratings.
Im 2010, Discovery teamed up with Hasbro to rebrand their floundering Discovery Kids channel into what was then called The Hub, Which Hasbro operated.
There’s Hallmark Entertainment and the Jim Henson Company’s revamped Odyssey Channel, aimed at a more family audience, but still having children’s programming.

There’s even the previously mentioned Qubo.
Do you know what they all had in common? They never reached public success like Nickelodeon or Cartoon Network. Qubo is the only one still continuing to this day. All of the others were flops. Fox Family got sold to Disney(around 18 years before they got the rest of Fox) and changed it’s name to ABC Family...

...then it slowly and painfully morphed into Freeform.

The Hub floundered for a bit, then Discovery took the reigns and it became Discovery Family.

Odyssey got low ratings across the board before Henson sold its stake and it became Hallmark Channel, which finally enjoyed success as a family oriented “sappy” network... while eschewing all children’s programming in the process.

In addition, NBC put this out at an age where kids TV ratings were tanking, as more children(and people in general) moved towards streaming services that had lower fees than cable and shows you could watch anytime, anywhere. Heck, if I had to name a most successful “fourth kids network”, it would probably be the Kids and Family section of Netflix, due to its magnitude and many original series. But that wasn’t going to stop them, and on September 9, 2017, Universal Kids finally launched.
When the network launched, it had like three new animated series- DreamWorks series Dragons and All Hail King Julien, and the non-DreamWorks series The Deep. Later, they also brought on DreamWorks series Mr. Peabody and Sherman, Home, Puss In Boots, and Dinotrux, and the non-DreamWorks series Inspector Gadget 2015. All of these series had previously been available on Netflix for all to view. And I mean all of them. But okay, I know what you’re thinking. What if people don’t get Netflix? Even though more people are migrating to Netflix, and the network only reached about 48.2% of TV houses in 2016, and more people are actually dropping cable but okay. It’s on more online platforms now, including PlayStation Vue, DirecTV Now, and YouTube TV, so you could potentially watch those shows without watching Netflix or paying too much for cable. I mean, it is the same for other networks such as Nickelodeon, Disney, and Cartoon Network, but okay. You’re a die hard DreamWorks, Inspector Gadget, or(god forbid) The Deep fan who won’t pay for Netflix or pirate anything. Well, in that case, I hope you like being multiple seasons behind, and only those eight shows, because that’s all the older kid animation you’re going to get from this network. And I sure to GOD hope you are a die hard DreamWorks fan and not one of Inspector Gadget or even The Deep, because DreamWorks shows are the only cartoons they promote. All the others are shoved off to midnight. Listen, I know you own DreamWorks now, but you acquired these series and I expect you to promote them!

Their live action shows are meh, too. There was a ton of CBBC shows that they used to air at different periods, but they’re all gone now. They have a bunch of unscripted originals, which is... okay, but they promote those shows so much it’s a wonder why they even bought DreamWorks at all, since they believe these shows can hold the network afloat. There’s still a few acquired series, but they’re off at late night. Great.

Their schedule’s also pretty whacked up, too. For the most part, it has a fair amount of variety(especially compared to the other kidnets out there), but they do this really weird thing where they repeat programming that aired earlier in the day. And I don’t mean the same shows, the same episodes. Adult Swim does the same, too, but they broadcast overnight when people are asleep, so I can(sort of) see why they need to repeat shows,

That doesn’t even begin to describe their preschool output. It’s the only part of the network more prelevant than the unscripted output, mainly because it takes up about 50% of the network. Believe me, I did the math. The preschool portion, their initial audience thet they’re trying to expand past, is bigger than the rest of the network combined. This is because “the greatest thing is, there is nothing to fix there. Sprout is a beautiful brand. If anything, we want to invest more in original production. There is more we can explore there,” according to Deirdre Brennan. That cannot be good for the fledging network. Especially considering they’re back to airing PBS programming again.

You heard me right. They’re airing PBS shows again. And not just Caillou(Which they actually removed), but Barney and Bob the Builder.

Apparently, there were some jimmies rustled because of the change to Universal Kids, and people complained. And by people, I mainly mean mentally undeveloped children and manchildren that hate change, which is the last audience you should appeal to even if you are a kid network. I’m not gonna say autistic because I think I’m autistic. Sure, I don’t like the network, but it’s not because it’s no longer aimed at four-year-olds. It’s because NBC has no idea how to run a kids network, especially with a massive library like DreamWorks, who currently owns Classic Media. I don’t mean to sound like the X Bridge, but this legitimately would be better with me in charge. In fact, I’m gonna make my own version of Universal Kids. No, wait. I’m gonna make a version without anything from DreamWorks. At all.

The schedule starts at six in the morning with(what else?) preschool programming, this time under the name Universal Sprout. From six until eight, it runs older preschool shows like Shirley Duvall’s Bedtime Stories and classic Bob the Builder. At eight, we get into a block of newer shows. It runs until three in the afternoon and includes the current list of shows, but old Bob the Builder is replaced with the new version(Which has been abandoned by PBS with new episodes that still need to air) and Barney is replaced by Curious George(Which Universal actually made). And no Noddy or the upcoming Where’s Waldo, as those are DreamWorks series. Three to six would have new animated series. These include, but are not limited to-

The Deep and Inspector Gadget- I’m still gonna include Netflix acquisitions, as these two shows prove that Universal really wants to do this other than DreamWorks shows, but they won’t be the only ones.

Polly Pocket - Premiered on the real Universal Kids.

The Bagel and Becky Show - Some people talk about this being on Universal Kids, so... here. Also not in the US yet.

Frankenstein’s Cat - Released by Universal on DVD in the UK. Speaking of DVD, low-rent DVD releases are the only release this show saw in America. It’s technically from 2007 or so, but it’s a BBC cartoon so it’s in widescreen. Also, it’s made in Flash, so you could theoretically take the flash files and rerender them in HD like what was done with Total Drama.

Oggy and the Cockroaches and Zig and Sharko - Netflix acquisition, not in US otherwise, VERY SUCCESSFUL INTERNATIONALLY.

Fast and Furious: Spy Racers - Okay, this upcoming show is technically a DreamWorks production, but it’s the first based on a Universal film. I think if Universal were making cartoons independently of DreamWorks still, they’d make this one on the dot.

Woody Woodpecker - An expanded version of that YouTube series, because classic mascot.

Minions: The Series - I find the Minions’s lack of TV series disturbing, even given the distaste people have for them. Remember, cash cow.

Escape from Jurassic Park/Jurassic Park: Chaos Effect - Once again, cash cow, and they were originally planned, but never made. I think the prior would be more likely, as Chaos Effect’s toyline died. Then again, it’d need an update. Escape from Jurassic World, anyone?

Of course, this is just a snippet. Then, at 6 to 9, we would get our live action, ranging from CBBC sitcoms to unscripted programs. It would be a little different each night, with a different schedule for each day of the week.(same with the rest of the schedule, honestly) Then, from 9 to 11, a movie will play, with a short or something as filler programming. From 11 to 6, classic Universal cartoons and family series will play. Done. Bing bang boom. I created Universal Kids without it’s greatest benefactor and it still turned out alright. Check. Freaking. Mate.

It would also excuse the lack of international feeds. Remember that DreamWorks Channel from Asia I mentioned earlier?

Well, since Universal owns it now, you’d expect the first thing for them to do would be to expand Universal Kids internationally. But no, they don’t. Real shame, because they could use some lessons in television punctuality and in decency from this network. It has no third party content, but it does have a lot of archive content and showcases newer shows only slightly after their Netflix debut. Granted, they don’t have everything, but they do have that new Rocky and Bullwinkle series(Which in the US went to not Netflix, but Amazon Prime, Which less people have, and now they’re moving their shows to Hulu... which is becoming Disney’s adult service. Really bad timing) and programs that Universal Kids doesn’t have. Could premiering a season of a show around the same time as the Netflix premiere of the next season(or before) not be enough, Universal Kids? Luckily, they have some foreign allies in CBBC and Canada’s Family Channel.

Of course, let’s talk about the ratings. They’re tanking. In its launch year of 2017, ratings dived 30 percent to 105th place of 136, and in 2018 they dived 73% to 123rd place out of 130. That’s the eighth worst Nielsen network in America. But surely they’re trying, right? Surely they’re good at heart, are they not? Let’s take a look at Glassdoor, with three reviews. I think I found a glitch where you can read them all without logging in, but I can’t activate it anymore. They are all one star. Here’s one review:

"Sinking Ship"
1 star
Current Employee - Producer in New York, NY
Doesn't Recommend
Negative Outlook
I have been working at Universal Kids full-time (More than 3 years)
Pros
Smallish staff so you likely will get to know many people and wear many hats. Being an NBC employee is nice.
Cons
Poor management, leadership, and lack of clear strategy or communication between departments. Seems like everyone’s rowing in different directions and unknown reasons.
Advice to Management
Strive to create a clear mission for the company that not only inspires the audience, but also inspires your employees.

And another:

"All aboard the Titanic"
1 star
Current Employee - Anonymous Employee
Doesn't Recommend
Negative Outlook
I have been working at Universal Kids full-time (More than a year)
Pros
- Due to inexperienced Senior Management, you get career opportunities and responsibilities you wouldn't have the opportunity to otherwise

- Work/Life balance is feasible if you set boundaries from the get-go

- Outside of Senior Management, there are some great, talented people
Cons
- Inept Senior Leadership from the top down

- There are still some people from Philly who are stuck in antiquated views of how media should operate thus are destroying opportunities to innovate

- Little to no time given for researching kids + media so end result is out of touch

- Toxic environment to the degree that HR and an outside consultancy have been brought in to teach people how to manage and lead

- Great people being forced and managed out. Most people within the company blatantly admit what a mess the place is, which offers little to no incentive to work to make it better.
Advice to Management
Get your resumes ready, you'll need it.

And the final one:

"toxic environment and misguided leadership"
1 star
Current Employee - Production in New York, NY
Doesn't Recommend
Negative Outlook
I have been working at Universal Kids full-time (Less than a year)
Pros
-The core staff is a friendly and hardworking
-You will be expected to juggle a variety of projects
-Depending on your perspective this could be a good thing or bad thing but it will definitely teaches you to multitask and work quick
Cons
-Universal Kids is fraught with problems. Leadership at director level and above is inept and manipulative.

-Transition from Sprout to Universal Kids was heralded within the company as a momentous occasion, but was nothing short of a train wreck. Ratings are tanking

-Money is being taken away and good employees are being forced out unfairly treated

-Leadership at the company is a comedy of errors. Example is when the company attempted to launch a west coast feed for their Universal Kids debut, the powers that be forgot to have the actual feed turned on. When viewers turned to the channel on the west coast they saw black. Per understanding this lasted all weekend. The launch was an embarrassment for the network and the laughing stock of NBC

-Tone deaf management and corrupt senior leadership

-Pay is dirt cheap. At previous employers in similar production roles I received up to 30% more salary. At Universal Kids employees are expected to start early and work late. Exceptions made for some managers who check out early and leave work for subordinates who work into night

-Toxic environment and misguided leadership has squandered networks chances of success

-Increasing amount of employees are planning their exit
Advice to Management
Stop hiring petty and manipulative management that wants to sabotage others for their own gain.

Doesn’t paint a pretty picture, does it? And, of course, on April 12, 2019, they changed their logo to the neon happy vomit you saw at the beginning of the post. Here it is again.

So, what have we learned? Well, we now know that Universal Kids is a garbage network with garbage people behind it with garbage views on children’s media and a garbage strategy and the actual good people get garbage pay. Universal Kids is garbage.

”End of story. Bye-bye!” - Shrek

Next time, I’ll probably do something on Fox Family...
Mainly because most of the pre planning is done.

Description
I’m a cartoon guy. I watch cartoons. And sometimes, channels annoy me. Nickelodeon with it’s apparent hatred of cartoons not named The Loud House or SpongeBob. Disney Channel with it’s sitcoms. Even Cartoon Network with its constant repetition of Teen Titans Go and Gumball to fill its schedule(keep in mind that I like Teen Titans Go and Gumball). Discovery Family as a whole. But if there were one children’s cable channel that annoyed me the most, it would be Universal Kids.
This network is garbage. And yes, that is the actual logo. Where do I begin? At the beginning, I suppose.

In the beginning, there was PBS Kids Sprout.
A joint venture between PBS, Sesame Workshop(who had previously owned a stake in then-competing Noggin), HiT Entertainment, and Comcast(who, at the time, did not own NBCUniversal), PBS Kids Sprout was launched in September 2005 as a preschool oriented network. Previously, PBS had attempted a cable network in 1999 for kids, but it didn’t have their big moneymaker Sesame Street because Sesame Workshop was off with Noggin. Not this time, however. This being a joint venture, Sesame Street was back on the menu, along with their new hits by HiT Entertainment. Very fitting name. The next year, another kids joint venture- this time between NBCUniversal, Classic Media, Paxson Communications(now Ion Media), Scholastic, and Nelvana- was launched, called Qubo.

Qubo was a block on NBC, I Network, and Telemundo(currently just on I Network’s successor, Ion), as well as a digital sub channel. The initial lineup was actually great, with shows like Nelvana’s Jacob Two-Two, Scholastic’s Jane and the Dragon, and (most controversially) Classic Media’s VeggieTales. However, it has stagnated over the years. Case in point: despite attempts to appeal to a somewhat wider audience, it has become almost hyper fixated on preschool shows, they have no idea how to use the TV ratings system properly(Qubo drinking game: take a sip every time you see a show deserving of a Y rating get a Y7 or G instead), they’ve fixated on Nelvana shows and shows that wouldn’t get picked up by anyone else after Ion took over completely and everyone else stopped providing content, and their weekend schedule should legally be considered a crime. Despite this, the weekday schedule has a fair amount of variety, they have a fairly decent lineup of shows(if a bit lacking in the older audience department), and their current shows are just mildly generic(those live action animal shows that currently plague the Ion block) at the very worst and either cute(Stella and Sam), funny(Sidekick, yeah I said it), or awesome(Class of the Titans) at the very best, with a wealth of shows many will find nostalgic(Maggie and the Ferocious Beast, Miss Spider’s Sunny Patch Friends, Madeline, Paddington, Rescue Heroes, a stunning amount of old Discovery Kids shows). They just need to find the right formula, a new content partner, and maybe wider distribution. Over the air subchannels can only go so far, especially when it only covers 63% of the country with only a few cable providers carrying it.

But this isn’t an article about Qubo, this is an article about Universal Kids.

In 2011, Classic Media launches another digital sub channel, PBJ.

Comcast also bought 51% of NBCUniversal, and later acquired the rest in 2013. This led to NBC pulling out of Qubo in 2012, as their new majority owner owned a stake in Sprout. They then bought the rest of Sprout in 2013 and removed the PBS branding.

They also shut down KidsCo, their international network between them and Nelvana, in 2014, citing “growing challenges in the international children's television industry”, but really just to focus on Sprout. You know, instead of buying out KidsCo’s remaining stakes and expanding Sprout’s international presence, as they were now making original series.

Also in 2012, DreamWorks bought Classic Media.
They would later launch a primarily Southeast Asian channel simply called
DreamWorks Channel(although on air, it’s just called DreamWorks) in 2015.

Then, in 2016, PBJ shut down. Only 19 affiliates broadcast it out of around 1700, and it only broadcast Classic Media programs that were also on Qubo at the time... and My Life Me. Also in 2016... it happened.

Comcast bought DreamWorks, and it would use it’s programming(that had previously been on Netflix) as a building block for what it believed would be the fourth major kids network.

Now, for the longest time, there have been three major kids networks- Nickelodeon, Disney Channel, and Cartoon Network. Over the years, there have been multiple attempts to make a fourth one. Fox attempted it in 1998 by reformatting the Family Channel into Fox Family, in an attempt to keep themselves relevant in an age where blocks like their Fox Kids block were losing ratings.
Im 2010, Discovery teamed up with Hasbro to rebrand their floundering Discovery Kids channel into what was then called The Hub, Which Hasbro operated.
There’s Hallmark Entertainment and the Jim Henson Company’s revamped Odyssey Channel, aimed at a more family audience, but still having children’s programming.

There’s even the previously mentioned Qubo.
Do you know what they all had in common? They never reached public success like Nickelodeon or Cartoon Network. Qubo is the only one still continuing to this day. All of the others were flops. Fox Family got sold to Disney(around 18 years before they got the rest of Fox) and changed it’s name to ABC Family...

...then it slowly and painfully morphed into Freeform.

The Hub floundered for a bit, then Discovery took the reigns and it became Discovery Family.

Odyssey got low ratings across the board before Henson sold its stake and it became Hallmark Channel, which finally enjoyed success as a family oriented “sappy” network... while eschewing all children’s programming in the process.

In addition, NBC put this out at an age where kids TV ratings were tanking, as more children(and people in general) moved towards streaming services that had lower fees than cable and shows you could watch anytime, anywhere. Heck, if I had to name a most successful “fourth kids network”, it would probably be the Kids and Family section of Netflix, due to its magnitude and many original series. But that wasn’t going to stop them, and on September 9, 2017, Universal Kids finally launched.
When the network launched, it had like three new animated series- DreamWorks series Dragons and All Hail King Julien, and the non-DreamWorks series The Deep. Later, they also brought on DreamWorks series Mr. Peabody and Sherman, Home, Puss In Boots, and Dinotrux, and the non-DreamWorks series Inspector Gadget 2015. All of these series had previously been available on Netflix for all to view. And I mean all of them. But okay, I know what you’re thinking. What if people don’t get Netflix? Even though more people are migrating to Netflix, and the network only reached about 48.2% of TV houses in 2016, and more people are actually dropping cable but okay. It’s on more online platforms now, including PlayStation Vue, DirecTV Now, and YouTube TV, so you could potentially watch those shows without watching Netflix or paying too much for cable. I mean, it is the same for other networks such as Nickelodeon, Disney, and Cartoon Network, but okay. You’re a die hard DreamWorks, Inspector Gadget, or(god forbid) The Deep fan who won’t pay for Netflix or pirate anything. Well, in that case, I hope you like being multiple seasons behind, and only those eight shows, because that’s all the older kid animation you’re going to get from this network. And I sure to GOD hope you are a die hard DreamWorks fan and not one of Inspector Gadget or even The Deep, because DreamWorks shows are the only cartoons they promote. All the others are shoved off to midnight. Listen, I know you own DreamWorks now, but you acquired these series and I expect you to promote them!

Their live action shows are meh, too. There was a ton of CBBC shows that they used to air at different periods, but they’re all gone now. They have a bunch of unscripted originals, which is... okay, but they promote those shows so much it’s a wonder why they even bought DreamWorks at all, since they believe these shows can hold the network afloat. There’s still a few acquired series, but they’re off at late night. Great.

Their schedule’s also pretty whacked up, too. For the most part, it has a fair amount of variety(especially compared to the other kidnets out there), but they do this really weird thing where they repeat programming that aired earlier in the day. And I don’t mean the same shows, the same episodes. Adult Swim does the same, too, but they broadcast overnight when people are asleep, so I can(sort of) see why they need to repeat shows,

That doesn’t even begin to describe their preschool output. It’s the only part of the network more prelevant than the unscripted output, mainly because it takes up about 50% of the network. Believe me, I did the math. The preschool portion, their initial audience thet they’re trying to expand past, is bigger than the rest of the network combined. This is because “the greatest thing is, there is nothing to fix there. Sprout is a beautiful brand. If anything, we want to invest more in original production. There is more we can explore there,” according to Deirdre Brennan. That cannot be good for the fledging network. Especially considering they’re back to airing PBS programming again.

You heard me right. They’re airing PBS shows again. And not just Caillou(Which they actually removed), but Barney and Bob the Builder.

Apparently, there were some jimmies rustled because of the change to Universal Kids, and people complained. And by people, I mainly mean mentally undeveloped children and manchildren that hate change, which is the last audience you should appeal to even if you are a kid network. I’m not gonna say autistic because I think I’m autistic. Sure, I don’t like the network, but it’s not because it’s no longer aimed at four-year-olds. It’s because NBC has no idea how to run a kids network, especially with a massive library like DreamWorks, who currently owns Classic Media. I don’t mean to sound like the X Bridge, but this legitimately would be better with me in charge. In fact, I’m gonna make my own version of Universal Kids. No, wait. I’m gonna make a version without anything from DreamWorks. At all.

The schedule starts at six in the morning with(what else?) preschool programming, this time under the name Universal Sprout. From six until eight, it runs older preschool shows like Shirley Duvall’s Bedtime Stories and classic Bob the Builder. At eight, we get into a block of newer shows. It runs until three in the afternoon and includes the current list of shows, but old Bob the Builder is replaced with the new version(Which has been abandoned by PBS with new episodes that still need to air) and Barney is replaced by Curious George(Which Universal actually made). And no Noddy or the upcoming Where’s Waldo, as those are DreamWorks series. Three to six would have new animated series. These include, but are not limited to-

The Deep and Inspector Gadget- I’m still gonna include Netflix acquisitions, as these two shows prove that Universal really wants to do this other than DreamWorks shows, but they won’t be the only ones.

Polly Pocket - Premiered on the real Universal Kids.

The Bagel and Becky Show - Some people talk about this being on Universal Kids, so... here. Also not in the US yet.

Frankenstein’s Cat - Released by Universal on DVD in the UK. Speaking of DVD, low-rent DVD releases are the only release this show saw in America. It’s technically from 2007 or so, but it’s a BBC cartoon so it’s in widescreen. Also, it’s made in Flash, so you could theoretically take the flash files and rerender them in HD like what was done with Total Drama.

Oggy and the Cockroaches and Zig and Sharko - Netflix acquisition, not in US otherwise, VERY SUCCESSFUL INTERNATIONALLY.

Fast and Furious: Spy Racers - Okay, this upcoming show is technically a DreamWorks production, but it’s the first based on a Universal film. I think if Universal were making cartoons independently of DreamWorks still, they’d make this one on the dot.

Woody Woodpecker - An expanded version of that YouTube series, because classic mascot.

Minions: The Series - I find the Minions’s lack of TV series disturbing, even given the distaste people have for them. Remember, cash cow.

Escape from Jurassic Park/Jurassic Park: Chaos Effect - Once again, cash cow, and they were originally planned, but never made. I think the prior would be more likely, as Chaos Effect’s toyline died. Then again, it’d need an update. Escape from Jurassic World, anyone?

Of course, this is just a snippet. Then, at 6 to 9, we would get our live action, ranging from CBBC sitcoms to unscripted programs. It would be a little different each night, with a different schedule for each day of the week.(same with the rest of the schedule, honestly) Then, from 9 to 11, a movie will play, with a short or something as filler programming. From 11 to 6, classic Universal cartoons and family series will play. Done. Bing bang boom. I created Universal Kids without it’s greatest benefactor and it still turned out alright. Check. Freaking. Mate.

It would also excuse the lack of international feeds. Remember that DreamWorks Channel from Asia I mentioned earlier?

Well, since Universal owns it now, you’d expect the first thing for them to do would be to expand Universal Kids internationally. But no, they don’t. Real shame, because they could use some lessons in television punctuality and in decency from this network. It has no third party content, but it does have a lot of archive content and showcases newer shows only slightly after their Netflix debut. Granted, they don’t have everything, but they do have that new Rocky and Bullwinkle series(Which in the US went to not Netflix, but Amazon Prime, Which less people have, and now they’re moving their shows to Hulu... which is becoming Disney’s adult service. Really bad timing) and programs that Universal Kids doesn’t have. Could premiering a season of a show around the same time as the Netflix premiere of the next season(or before) not be enough, Universal Kids? Luckily, they have some foreign allies in CBBC and Canada’s Family Channel.

Of course, let’s talk about the ratings. They’re tanking. In its launch year of 2017, ratings dived 30 percent to 105th place of 136, and in 2018 they dived 73% to 123rd place out of 130. That’s the eighth worst Nielsen network in America. But surely they’re trying, right? Surely they’re good at heart, are they not? Let’s take a look at Glassdoor, with three reviews. I think I found a glitch where you can read them all without logging in, but I can’t activate it anymore. They are all one star. Here’s one review:

"Sinking Ship"
1 star
Current Employee - Producer in New York, NY
Doesn't Recommend
Negative Outlook
I have been working at Universal Kids full-time (More than 3 years)
Pros
Smallish staff so you likely will get to know many people and wear many hats. Being an NBC employee is nice.
Cons
Poor management, leadership, and lack of clear strategy or communication between departments. Seems like everyone’s rowing in different directions and unknown reasons.
Advice to Management
Strive to create a clear mission for the company that not only inspires the audience, but also inspires your employees.

And another:

"All aboard the Titanic"
1 star
Current Employee - Anonymous Employee
Doesn't Recommend
Negative Outlook
I have been working at Universal Kids full-time (More than a year)
Pros
- Due to inexperienced Senior Management, you get career opportunities and responsibilities you wouldn't have the opportunity to otherwise

- Work/Life balance is feasible if you set boundaries from the get-go

- Outside of Senior Management, there are some great, talented people
Cons
- Inept Senior Leadership from the top down

- There are still some people from Philly who are stuck in antiquated views of how media should operate thus are destroying opportunities to innovate

- Little to no time given for researching kids + media so end result is out of touch

- Toxic environment to the degree that HR and an outside consultancy have been brought in to teach people how to manage and lead

- Great people being forced and managed out. Most people within the company blatantly admit what a mess the place is, which offers little to no incentive to work to make it better.
Advice to Management
Get your resumes ready, you'll need it.

And the final one:

"toxic environment and misguided leadership"
1 star
Current Employee - Production in New York, NY
Doesn't Recommend
Negative Outlook
I have been working at Universal Kids full-time (Less than a year)
Pros
-The core staff is a friendly and hardworking
-You will be expected to juggle a variety of projects
-Depending on your perspective this could be a good thing or bad thing but it will definitely teaches you to multitask and work quick
Cons
-Universal Kids is fraught with problems. Leadership at director level and above is inept and manipulative.

-Transition from Sprout to Universal Kids was heralded within the company as a momentous occasion, but was nothing short of a train wreck. Ratings are tanking

-Money is being taken away and good employees are being forced out unfairly treated

-Leadership at the company is a comedy of errors. Example is when the company attempted to launch a west coast feed for their Universal Kids debut, the powers that be forgot to have the actual feed turned on. When viewers turned to the channel on the west coast they saw black. Per understanding this lasted all weekend. The launch was an embarrassment for the network and the laughing stock of NBC

-Tone deaf management and corrupt senior leadership

-Pay is dirt cheap. At previous employers in similar production roles I received up to 30% more salary. At Universal Kids employees are expected to start early and work late. Exceptions made for some managers who check out early and leave work for subordinates who work into night

-Toxic environment and misguided leadership has squandered networks chances of success

-Increasing amount of employees are planning their exit
Advice to Management
Stop hiring petty and manipulative management that wants to sabotage others for their own gain.

Doesn’t paint a pretty picture, does it? And, of course, on April 12, 2019, they changed their logo to the neon happy vomit you saw at the beginning of the post. Here it is again.

So, what have we learned? Well, we now know that Universal Kids is a garbage network with garbage people behind it with garbage views on children’s media and a garbage strategy and the actual good people get garbage pay. Universal Kids is garbage.

”End of story. Bye-bye!” - Shrek

Next time, I’ll probably do something on Fox Family...
Mainly because most of the pre planning is done.