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lemmingtimes — Choking On Nothing
Published: 2010-04-11 20:33:50 +0000 UTC; Views: 1219; Favourites: 24; Downloads: 5
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Description
Take my holographicexpression and bend it into
any shape
you feel like, because
today
I want you to be happy.
The ocean will come and go and
the stinging nettles
will bite,
but I'll be
here and I'll keep
smiling
for you. Take hold
of my hand and
I know
I don't know all the answers,
but I'll try my best
to stop you from choking.
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Comments: 41
I like "I know I don't know all the answers" -- The line break after I know really makes the phrasing pop out, lovely! I like the title of this one a lot too. (:
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Wow thanks ^.^ I'm glad it works for you
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Oh, yes. It definitely works for me.
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I like the breaks, they don't restrict the flow in any way.
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Favorites.
I love the expression, and how you offer the love of friendship, and promising someone you'll be there even if you are across the planet.
I do believe that the font changes help emphasize the points that one can not say.
Sadly I found it slightly hard to read at first, because of the cut up sentences, having to go over and find what flows better for me. Though it seems the pause caused by this, helped in the imagery of someone standing at shoreline with the tide coming, in and all they could do is calm the other person, and try to get them to grab on.
Though I think there should have been 2-3 lines combined, but this works wonderfully. Ya just have to read it an extra time or two.
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Thank you so much ^.^ It's much appreciated!
I'm sorry you had to had to re-read it! Which lines do you think could be combined?
Thanks for the fave toooo!
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you feel like, because
today
I think would stand to be put together, and maybe a size smaller text for today, to say it in a softer/quieter manner. (at-least, that is how I'd read it)
I don't know all the answers
but
I'll try my best to
I feel that the 'but' should be placed onto the front of the line below it in Italics.
Though putting it at the end of the line above it. Would also be a good thing, though .. I think that it might have to be in a font, that only differs slightly from the one uses for most of it, to help insert the pause there, but not as dramatic a pause as a seprate line does.
That's just my view, and I think those would help the flow along smoother, and give alittle more impact in the right areas.. or at-least I believe so.
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Thank you very much, I shall change those bits (: though how do you make the font smaller?
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Here is some things that you can do, with a Text submission
Submission text help
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I also like 'holographic expression' even though I'm not exactly sure what you meant by it. I just like it. 
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Wow thank you for that! I really appreciate it!
Hehe me too!
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I think the breaks add a sort of drama to the poem, and without that drama it would be mildly dry.
Overall, a wonderful job! I think the effect of italics and bold text really add some depth and thought into this poem.
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Thank you very much (: I really appreciate your comment (:
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You're very welcome!(:
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I like stanza breaks. It's easier to read with the breaks, instead of one long paragraph of words.
You have really pretty imagery.
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this is so.........wonderful (: i love it, it reminds me of one of my best friends ♥
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Thank you ^.^
It's about my best friend, she was really upset so I wrote this xD
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I really like this, and the breaks work well. The only thing I had trouble with is the phrase "holographic expression," mostly because I don't quite get the meaning of that.
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Thank you. What other phrase do you think would work there instead?
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This is sweet. 
I don't like the phrase "holographic expression". It doesn't seem like it quite fits, both in meaning (how do you bend a holograph?) and rhythm (i wanted to read it as "hollow expression", the long word doesn't fit there).
Love the stinging nettles part. It's just so comforting and hopeful. Good job!
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Ahh cool, thanks (: I understand you completely, but what would you suggest instead of the word 'holographic'?
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I like "hollow expression" or maybe "vacant expression". I really don't know. xD
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I tried it without the breaks but it is better with them in I think, but that's just my opinion
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Ahh thank you, I appreciate that (:
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