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livesofbirds — Below Freezing.
Published: 2013-01-31 18:11:42 +0000 UTC; Views: 229; Favourites: 7; Downloads: 0
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Description     Last night was the night when the temperature had dropped well below what it was meant to. My shoulders had followed that same pattern and dropped almost as quickly as those words came out of your mouth. You told me you had to go, you spoke softly and apologetically. You swore you never had meant to waste so much of my time. I didn't have much to say, I didn't really have to, my hands were shaking and I could feel my lips trembling, and the chills I had weren't from the cold. They were from moments, just moments that I had remembered, moments that we would never have again.

    I sat there for a long while, you didn't say anything and I didn't either. You were looking away, towards your car. I watched the uneven breaths you took, in and out; they only stayed alive for moments at a time, courtesy of the chill in the air. That was kind of always how I saw myself, alive only in the moments you would look at me and I knew that you loved me. That’s how I’ll remember you, you were the one that kept me alive.

    You lit up a cigarette, I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. I just looked away. I couldn't sit there and watch you while you poisoned yourself, this was a new habit you had taken up. My new habit was to count how many times I heard you light one up. I really only looked away because I knew that after you took your last drag, you would be gone.

    This was it. Just like clockwork, you were leaving. Except this time, you didn't leave me with a hug or a goodnight kiss, and more than anything, it was for good. I watched you drive off. The taillights of your car were the last I saw of you. It’s been four months, and I’m okay, I truly am. You were falling apart and I couldn't be the one that saved you. If anything, you saved me. I still think about that night though, and I still wonder if it was the smoke from your cigarette or your breath that lingered in the air for a bit longer. I guess it really doesn't matter, both were just as empty.
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Comments: 6

masvida [2013-02-02 02:16:57 +0000 UTC]

I love this.
Particularly the second half.
Oof.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

livesofbirds In reply to masvida [2013-02-02 05:28:22 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much!
And thank you for the favorite.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

masvida In reply to livesofbirds [2013-02-02 23:19:10 +0000 UTC]

Absolutely!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

laurotica [2013-02-01 04:12:59 +0000 UTC]

I kind of like this too. No, I definitely like this, because it's exactly the kind of thing I would write, and I have to admit to being drawn to similar things. The narrator's point of view is tragic, and you really get a feel for the whole scene. Anything accented by cigarette smoke works for me. And the ending is brilliant. Well done

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

livesofbirds In reply to laurotica [2013-02-01 04:18:03 +0000 UTC]

Oh my.
Well thank you so, so much, I'm so glad you liked it!
Thank you for the wonderful feedback, and the favorite.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

laurotica In reply to livesofbirds [2013-02-01 04:19:07 +0000 UTC]

Not a problem

👍: 0 ⏩: 0