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lonely-bird — #wordsadayjune #29 Yellow
Published: 2012-06-30 17:13:41 +0000 UTC; Views: 211; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 3
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Description Yellow
Sunshine between dancing shadows on bedroom walls,
On glorious lazy weekends that stretch,
Ending with soft electric lights illuminating long nights.
Summer is calling,
The distant roar of the sea
And the rustle of trees through open windows,
The tang of saffron rice, seafood, lemon,
And a hint of brine that lingers on your skin.
The worn cotton of your shirt,
Buried beneath a jumper as the damp creeps into the grass,
With the dry crackling of leaves beginning to scrunch underfoot.
The sunlight fading, everything comes to an end.
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Comments: 4

SilverInkblot [2012-06-30 20:37:50 +0000 UTC]

The imagery is pretty fantastic I really like the "hint of brine" line and the last three lines make a beautiful closing scene. It's a tad wordy for my personal tastes, but I still enjoyed it

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lonely-bird In reply to SilverInkblot [2012-07-01 11:26:04 +0000 UTC]

Aw thanks! Means a lot

Erm...'wordy'...too many adjectives?

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SilverInkblot In reply to lonely-bird [2012-07-01 19:56:08 +0000 UTC]

Just... wordy. I tend to like a certain brevity or conciseness to poetry. Like eliminating the redundant words or rephrasing things to say more with less. It's hard to explain

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lonely-bird In reply to SilverInkblot [2012-07-01 19:57:49 +0000 UTC]

No, that makes sense

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