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CHRISTY'S THOUGHTS

I'm here, but I won't be able to be as active anymore because I got an actual full time job! This is my first actual 40 hr/week job and it was scary to apply and to know I was going to be busy but now it feels great and I'm finally at the goal of who I want to be.
A piece from my instagram (september)
Hi friends, let me introduce myself and my situation again! My name is Christy and I'm a general laborer. I went to school for a medical profession but didn't follow through with it because of my social related anxiety and phobias. This isn't about me being held back by mental illness. This is about me doing a profession that suits me. Does my anxiety hold me back? No, it just means I'm meant to do different things from people without anxiety. It doesn't take any meaning away, it just changes it. I'm at a job I don't mind doing, a job that doesn't give me anxiety, a job with a good supervisor and coworkers. There's nothing to change here. I'm experiencing anxiety, dissociation and fear lately. I fear confrontation and any type of negative social situation. I fear people turning on me and bad things happening in general. These make life hard, wanting to break down and cry is a hard thing to live with but I remember I'm doing what's best for me and it's nothing I need other people to understand. "Anxiety is at any job." "Get out of the house more." "You have to deal with people anywhere." "Leave the past behind." My condition makes it hard to deal with these things. I like the job I'm at now thankfully. It's a job that's easy to leave the house for. Otherwise, leaving the house alone gets hard. I am happy for myself for working and also not living at my parents house anymore. I'm allowed to be proud of myself because like I said before, my condition makes leaving the house and working hard at times. I didn't work until I was 20 because the idea of a job before that was debilitating. I was afraid of people so much that I didn't look anyone in the eyes. I don't fear people in general as much as I fear confrontation with them these days Some like to say I used mental illness as an excuse to be lazy. But I say it's not my job to be liked and understood by others. I just have to be liked and understood by myself and a few special people. I don't owe humanity any explanation of who I am and why I make what decisions I make.