Comments: 27
OkamiJake In reply to LuckyStarhun [2017-05-02 21:19:08 +0000 UTC]
Oh yeah, I totally understand that. One project at a time is enough to handle!
>w> -gets comfy and stays patient-
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LuckyStarhun In reply to OkamiJake [2017-05-02 22:13:57 +0000 UTC]
Aww, thanks for your patience, if you hold out until the end of this comic without unfollowing, then you deserve to read the another one too since I will need to draw something after I finished this ^^
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Flora-Tea [2017-02-17 19:37:18 +0000 UTC]
OH MY GOSH THIS COMIC MUST CONTINUE
THE ART IS GORGEOUS
THE STORY IS SO INTERESTING
HNNGGH
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Flora-Tea In reply to LuckyStarhun [2017-02-17 19:56:55 +0000 UTC]
XD Awwww man! Well, do take your time. This comic is definitely the most epic of the two!
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LuckyStarhun In reply to Flora-Tea [2017-02-17 20:10:14 +0000 UTC]
Thanks for letting me know, I was not sure which is better xD
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Flora-Tea In reply to LuckyStarhun [2017-02-17 20:25:22 +0000 UTC]
Haha it's a matter of opinion, really! XD It's just that the landscapes and ideas and art behind this one are so interesting and deviantart has a billion wolf comics. How many Egyptian-themed lore comics do you know of on DA? o:
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LuckyStarhun In reply to Flora-Tea [2017-02-18 00:39:57 +0000 UTC]
In fact that one is a mixed historical comic (not totally, it has a lot of fantasy elements), the background story transcends time and has the Egyptians in it : D But if we speak about the whole story, it has more to do with the Romans : D (I like the ancient Egyptians but for inspiration, I like the the ancient Rome more xD)
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OfficialFendama [2016-05-09 04:56:39 +0000 UTC]
Hi there. I'm another ProjectComment fella.
So this does look pretty interesting all-in-all but I think you should really try and focus on your art a little more, because I really feel like you could have given a little more to the detail but you skipped it because of difficulty or laziness. I try to make it a point to always do my very best- but don't take it the wrong way. I don't mean you didn't do your best, I'm saying that you should keep trying to go at it a little harder.
Things I think you should work on:
-From the first four panels you really messed up the ordering of how things work. I've been making and roughing comics and manga for a long time now and when you mess up the paneling it can really mess up the whole page. You can fix that by really organizing the panels- for example, the big panel seems really out of place and doesn't direct the emphasis of the event in any specific direction.
-The other thing that really bothers me is the way you have the proportion of the hands too small in comparison to their actual bodies. Just a note, when you draw hands, they are usually a little smaller than the face of the body you are drawing. You should try and sketch bodies and anatomy a little more so you can get a really good feel for this. [In fact there are a lot of disproportional body parts on this page alone]
-In the fifth panel the dust cloud is really confusing. The front wheel seems to go in front of the dust cloud. Also clouds usually don't have outlines but you should still be able to make out their general shape, and they don't look blurry, in fact its more like a filter that is on top of things, but the object behind it are still clear and do not blur.
-And the backgrounds. Never skip the detail of the backgrounds. I know it can get tedious and tiring, but to really bring things with big scenes out, you need some good backgrounds. Not necessarily eye-catching just adequate for the scene that it is in.
I think you are really good, so don't just draw for the sake of drawing. Drawing anything should be an opportunity to get better. Keep it up!
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Ly-s [2016-05-08 17:53:56 +0000 UTC]
Hi ! I'm from ProjectComment I'm still new with this constructive comments and all but I'll try my best !!
What I saw even in the miniature was your drawing in the right with the Pharaoh, the way you used the colors add a nice effect and give more drama in this panel. The kind of dust texture is well made. I came in the middle of your story so I don't really know the beginning so I can't really say anything on that. I think on the other hand, that your text isn't really well seen. The typo is nice but the texte is too small to be read easily (and that's what you want, impact with image and visibility for the words.
On the anatomy, I think that it would be helpful to do some exercise. (ex: for the arms that are a little off, like in panel 2 from the left (the guy holding the object); the left arms of the Pharaoh that seems stuck, and the arms of the last bottom panel the man in the right has big trouble with his left arms. (The other have few problems too). I know it's hard but you can work on hands too (ex : on the third panel with the couple holding the basket,...). You can find some good tutorial with the head and the skull, your heads aren't always equal and sometimes it even doesn't help you putting the face right : in the last panel the first left guy have his ear too low, etc.
You can add more detail in your background for a better impact, so that we can travel all around your page, and feel like we are here with your characters.
It's a good work that promise some good stuff ! I think you'll get better at this because I can already see that you put effort on this, and determination and work always prevail ! Good luck !!
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Cyres1 [2016-05-07 23:55:04 +0000 UTC]
Hello, I'm here from ProjectComment
So, as it appears, I'm kind of starting in the middle, so I have no idea of the previous events, but from what it seems from this single page, it appears someone took a sword from Babylon (perhaps an enchanted one) and I sense a possibility of a connection to the Arthurian legend, but can't sure. So what I got is, they took the sword, the magic caused all the food to go away, and now all the people go complaining to a apparently fairly gracious pharaoh (I know there were many pharaohs, some were good, other weren't, but when I read pharaoh, the first thing I think about, is well... The Pharaoh. You know, like Moses's Pharaoh).
And so, the king/pharaoh sends the sword back, but in the middle of the returning journey, the sword is stolen by a mysterious entity (bandits maybe?) and the men now are fighting with it/them.
The atmosphere was well done, we are definitely in a desert (of course it's obvious, but you had the sand and dust set the atmosphere). You did pretty good the characters. When comes to the hands, you do need practice (the same is for me as well, so you aren't alone in this), but as long as you are patient and persevere, you can do it. You have great skills already, I cannot imagine what it would look like when you become the master of all... ahem, I mean, when you skills are as hone as a sharpened sword.
All in all, this seems to be an interesting comic series, and this strip in particular took a lot of skill to make! I love it
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LuckyStarhun In reply to Cyres1 [2016-05-08 09:04:46 +0000 UTC]
Thank you for your critique! I'm glad you like the story and you are not mistaken about the Arthurian legend, since there is a connection This is a historical fiction, so some real and legendary historical figures might appear in the comic. I might make the script shorter or longer, I don't know, I want to keep it interesting with no redundant parts. Arthur appears in the main character's background story, so you got it right!
The sword is meant to be wielded by kings who rule the world but they don't have influence over natural events.
The pharaoh orders that the sword is taken to Babylon to perform a ritual and ask the gods for help, but some folks want to put their hands on that precious weapon... more precisely, they are the Assyrians, who where not actually the kindest people in the ancient Mideast and for their enemies, they might have been considered bandits. Still they managed to build an empire so maybe they knew something. So this scene takes place at the time when the Egyptians had hassle with the emerging Assyrians. I hope to have my skills mastered, your feedback helps me doing so! Hands are still a bit of a problem, but that will get better with practice.
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DozeM001z [2016-05-02 04:12:49 +0000 UTC]
You have nice setting there, but people will want some variation on those people. I don't think all bald men, same skin color and kilts will attract various audiences. I know bald is popular right now(One Punch man fame XD) but only that protagonist is bald and looks simple. You can add more gesture and movement there, like the horse pulling that cart, and movement of wheels. Nice job making a comic, and its original! Hope it's constructive,
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DozeM001z In reply to LuckyStarhun [2016-05-02 15:45:30 +0000 UTC]
Simple decoration will do. Just put mohawk hair or brace.
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DozeM001z In reply to LuckyStarhun [2016-05-03 04:33:31 +0000 UTC]
Your welcome. Glad I have done something positive.
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