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Description
My best work, revisited-

"Although he is a super-soldier, a Spartan, this was the first time he had ever thristed. He had fought through onslaught after onslaught. He had dragged his feet through the mud, dust, and beach sand. He had seen death and bodies pile up in front of his feet. All this, he had gotten used to over the last few years. But this time was different. Something about the climate, or the gravity, or the environment, felt dry. It made him thristy. He needed something to drink. After the last wave, he had finally spotted what he needed. Inside a building marked Zanzibar Hotel, he found the machine that had what he wanted. Mountain Dew! He reached for the machine when a Covenant Phantom dropped off a dozen or so troops. The first Grunt that had dropped out opened fire and hit the green machine. Thousands of cans fell everywhere, each one exploded in mid air. He wasn't going to give up yet. He spotted a perfect MD can laying by the exit. If he couldn't satisfy his thrist, he couldn't keep fighting. The Master Chief was going to protect this final Mountain Dew with his life."

So I revised it's look and tied it to a gripping story. I think this is my best work yet. Overall revision and story editing: 1.5 hours.

"When he went to drink of this cup, it spilled all over his helmet."

EDIT: I made it smaller so it's easier to view

Description
My best work, revisited-

"Although he is a super-soldier, a Spartan, this was the first time he had ever thristed. He had fought through onslaught after onslaught. He had dragged his feet through the mud, dust, and beach sand. He had seen death and bodies pile up in front of his feet. All this, he had gotten used to over the last few years. But this time was different. Something about the climate, or the gravity, or the environment, felt dry. It made him thristy. He needed something to drink. After the last wave, he had finally spotted what he needed. Inside a building marked Zanzibar Hotel, he found the machine that had what he wanted. Mountain Dew! He reached for the machine when a Covenant Phantom dropped off a dozen or so troops. The first Grunt that had dropped out opened fire and hit the green machine. Thousands of cans fell everywhere, each one exploded in mid air. He wasn't going to give up yet. He spotted a perfect MD can laying by the exit. If he couldn't satisfy his thrist, he couldn't keep fighting. The Master Chief was going to protect this final Mountain Dew with his life."

So I revised it's look and tied it to a gripping story. I think this is my best work yet. Overall revision and story editing: 1.5 hours.

"When he went to drink of this cup, it spilled all over his helmet."

EDIT: I made it smaller so it's easier to view