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jimmyinwhite [2020-11-30 14:36:06 +0000 UTC]

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sortimid [2019-09-03 22:04:47 +0000 UTC]

A neat little comic!

First off, great job with the transformation. The final panel is cute and it's easy to tell who's who. Blaise holding the wire-cutters with a deadpan expression is a nice touch.

A few things confused me. Who are these people? What's their relationship? I'm assuming Lun found the bomb in his house and called Blaise the bomb expert? Giving him more of a "workman" outfit, tool-belt etc. would help clarify that. Alternatively, you could remove the first three panels, thrusting us straight into the action. Here are two people and an armed bomb. I see what you're attempting with your intro, the blinking light and focus shift, but I feel panel 4 would've made for a stronger intro. It'd be a shame to trash that awesome bomb drawing though.

In panel 9, when Lun goes "Ehh???", he has speed lines behind him, implying he's running away. Blaise's suggestion to stand back, right before, also reinforces this, so it's weird to see him standing right next to the bomb in panel 10.

Also in panel 10, the bomb's red light is on the right of the countdown panel, whereas in every other panel (including panel 4) it's on the opposite side.

Keep track of the relative proportions of your objects. In panel 4 the bomb is about the size of a microwave. Then, in panel 10 it looks as big as a desk!Also, don't be afraid of overlapping elements. It makes it much easier for the viewer to understand their positions, and will also make your spaces feel less empty. Here's an example where I rearranged the elements in panel 3:  imgur.com/a/5g8v7La

Finally, does a bomb qualify as a machine? If it went off did it malfunction?

Sorry if I've been harsh, I hope you find my feedback helpful! There's a lot to love in your piece. You have a good variety of camera angles, the dialogue is straightforward and concise, and the action, for the most part, is clear. Thanks for entering (twice!) and keep up the great work!

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charoset [2019-09-03 17:44:19 +0000 UTC]

So yeah Flash said most of what I was going to say. The writing definitely helps and it's better than anything I could draw, but one thing I think you could focus on more next time is colors. The washed out whites, tans and greys that make up most of the entry are rather uninteresting and make the visuals seem more unappealing than they are. Keep on drawing though. In a year or two with consistent improvement you'll be a double threat for these contests and I can't wait to see how you improve for the next one. Thanks for entering.

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flashkill455 [2019-09-02 22:22:13 +0000 UTC]

Right off the bat, its clear to me you are still developing an artstyle and learning finer techniques. I'd say you're almost mid-level which is meant to be a compliment. The bomb itself looks pretty good although the wires look really out of place as they're a denser object than anything else in the comic. The characters are fine, anatomy isnt awful but I think the poses could use some more work to appear less stiff. 

I've actually enjoyed some of your sequence work like the Kirishima one so its a shame you didnt do something like that as I believe it would have shown more of your strengths. One thing that stands out to me especially in the last panel is the inconsistent line weight which makes a really strange impression. In the first two panels as well the way you've drawn it the living room is enormous.

On the malfunction side of things the 'wrong wire' idea is neat and a pretty classic malfunction. Really the only thing to say is to keep honing your art at this point.

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Mery123smth [2019-08-19 03:35:30 +0000 UTC]

For me he cut the correct wire  

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Quintilianus [2019-08-11 22:11:37 +0000 UTC]

For being somewhat minimalist, the curly hair actually looks fine.

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Age-TF-Control [2019-08-11 21:37:20 +0000 UTC]

well that sucks but i guess Tg is a bonus on the two 

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