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Blacksand459 [2012-12-02 00:55:42 +0000 UTC]

Very nice work.

On the one hand, I look at the picture, and to me, the image combined with the first stanza is a hopeful one. As though you're akin to the very ether from which stars are formed, and you are waiting to coalesce into magnificence.

But yet you find yourself still cold, still bitter...outside of peace and comfort.

Excellent piece!! If my take on it is way off base, please disregard it. I enjoyed reading your work though.

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A-Symmetry [2011-01-21 13:02:09 +0000 UTC]

...
...where I am a critic.

Firstly, I'll like to say that the title isn't particularly captivating, but that doesn't matter, because we shouldn't judge books by their covers.
Secondly, the picture is relevant since you mentioned the existance and the colour orange...to me, at least. However I don't like the way it fades out into the dA green because I don't think the colours compliment... o.o but anyway.
Going on to the text now~
(oh btw, I think it's okay if you leave out the title in the picture.)

"I do not exist yet except in shades of orange and silver"
I'm not sure if this sticks to the next part "sometimes I hear footsteps of darkness..."
So, does it mean:
"I do not exist. Yet, except in shades of orange and silver, sometimes I hear footsteps..."
or
"I do not exist yet, except in shades of orange and silver. Sometimes I hear footsteps of darkness..."
If it is the first one, the sentence structure is not smooth. If it is the second meaning, I think the 'yet' could be moved up to make reading smoother, because when I first read this I was a bit confused.

"sometimes I hear footsteps of darkness yet longing for peace"
I think this is certainly connected to "I find I still run", but I'm not sure about "wrapped in arms of despair, ..."
I think there's been a trend emerging, and perhaps you could overcome this by adding punctuation. I do know that you didn't want to add it in on purpose, but I think it might make reading easier for readers and give your piece rhythm.
I have also noticed that the capitalisation of words is inconsistant. Perhaps you can attend to this as well.

"I find I still run wrapped in arms of despair and bitter"
In arms of bitter...? Or am I reading this wrongly. If it is, it should be "In arms of ... bitterness..."

"I only exist in shades of orange and silver"
It might sound better as "I exist only in shades of orange and silver"

Overall, I think that the lack of punctuation/misleading spacing is disrupting me from fully appreciating your work.
I also cannot find an obvious link from your work to its title, even though I can guess it out.
I very much like the idea that is lying underneath its surface, it's very abstract and intriguing.
I really hope you don't find this critique insulting but I can only wish that it can help you improve this piece and make it even better.

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Moonchilde-Stock [2010-04-05 02:01:07 +0000 UTC]

That is beautiful!

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FlyHigh20 [2010-03-29 13:38:33 +0000 UTC]

what other shades do you exist it? btw I like it

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Meltin [2010-03-14 20:56:37 +0000 UTC]

No mention of gold. How refreshing. It makes me want to give you a big hug.

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