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Description
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Cappy’s Random Rant
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Look. Fellas. In my opinion, whether you masturbate or not…don’t tell anybody. Especially me. I cannot stress that enough. Cappy ain’t your fappy buddy. When guys tell me “Dude, ‘American Pie’ is one of my favorite movies!” all my brain does is ponder “Crap, did I shake this guy’s hand?! Oh my god I used his computer to check my email!! I gotta get home and stick my arm in rubbing alcohol until I can feel no more.”

Now conversely (that means opposite!), if you’re a woman who presses your button as if you’re trying to execute Sub Zero’s Fatality…GO TELL EVERYBODY. Especially me. I cannot stress that enough.
That’s awesome.
You’re awesome.
Go blog about it, create some dioramas and flowcharts about it, make a YouTube video…you can probably make a good living on the Internet with this talent.

What, I may be the nicest guy you know but I’m still a guy!

I’m becoming increasingly aware at how candid women are about their ‘toy’ collection with me.
I FULLY ENDORSE THIS MOTION.
No, not the Transformer kind of toys…although they do tend to keep them in disguise (it’s uh, my dong-shaped back massager, just put it down!). After listening to gal pals talk about the origin of their boy-toy-minus-the-annoying-boy, I had another epiphany. Most of you chicks get yours as a gift from friends. Women have this ability to get intimate with each other in a way that SHOULD register as lesbianism but doesn’t quite.
“Hey Sally! Let me feel your boobs and we’ll figure out what bra size you need!”
“Com’mon Laura, let’s go panty shopping and pose for each other in a non sexual way!”
As I said, you’re just that talented. And now I’ve added another citation:
“Hiya Molly. Just thinkin’ bout ya masturbating, so I picked this up for ya!”

If a guy does that, and wants to HELP the other guy in that endeavor, they’ll be on the steps of a San Franciscan church in a month, about to start a wonderful new life together.

And since I made mention of that awful ‘American Pie’ film that’s spawned so many syphilis sequels… The only highlight of its many shortcomings (bah dum cha) was that hot girl who found it a-okay to start jilling off on some stranger’s bed. Because I’m the rational type, I was mostly distracted by the glaring obviousness that men wrote this script. Of course this is data to my early hypothesis how awesome it is if men walked in on this event. Because, if it were the opposite event…ladies, I assume it would be infinitely less sexy if you walked in and saw Frank humping away at your ‘My Little Pony’ pillow.
MY GOD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO SKY ROCKET?!

Note: Cappy went on ebay and has ‘my little pony’ in his browser history just to pull off the last joke for you.

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Cappy’s Rockin’ Rendition
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We don’t have a cure for cancer, diabetes, or AIDS. We can’t get rid of a cold, and doctors still have no clue how headaches are produced. But we’ll be damned if Grandpa goes without an erection for forty eight hours! Crispy Christ Crackers, we have all these medical resources devoted to making sure old men can puncture sheet metal with their crotch. A comedian once said “Now that we have a pill that can give eighty-year-olds an erection, they’re now working on a pill that will get women EXCITED at seeing an eighty-year-old’s gnarled twig”.

Note to the future Mrs. Cappy: you better find me and marry me while the getting’s good; cuz when Cap Cod dries up, that’s it! I am so looking forward to when that thing breaks down! Ladies, you have no idea what it’s like for men, to be little perverted bastards around the clock. It is a private hell…in the privates. Heck, my junk practically wrote that retarded rant up above.

I guess it stems bio-historically from men being at the ready to propagate the species, while women have moods so as to not overpopulate the world in a weekend. But nowadays, men just have to deal with this tyrant in their trousers, a dictator in their Dockers, a prime minister in the pantaloons, a drill sergeant in the Dungarees! T’is a Cold War and a cold shower.
This evil creature is such a little dick (figuratively of course). It cannot be reasoned with, there is no reason for it to exist.

Cappy Jr: Aw snap! Is that clam chowder?! Sizzler buffets have an amazing selection huh?
Cappy: What the fu--go away! There’s nothing even remotely sexy going on here!

One day…I shall be free. And it will be a glorious day.
Girl: Can you help me with my homework, it’s just EVER SO hard *bends at a slight angle to create a teepee of cleavage at eyelevel*
Me: HAHA, your magical mammaries have influence on me no more, witch! Go ask your boyfriend to help you, and if he can’t then you invested in the wrong head wakka wakka!

About the art. I’m gonna make it a sausage party in this usual clambake! About ninety percent of my watchers are women. This of course, proves women to be vastly superior in their sense of humor. Even though…I’M a guy who’s creating the art women laugh at, so does that mean…ow my brain. So I asked for my three male watchers to volunteer, and Mister Nanimbej nanimbej.deviantart.com volunteered his mug to forever live in Cappy’s Gallery. He will probably never volunteer for anything ever again, sorry food bank!
And my apologies if Nanimbej really does have a busted wiener.
It’s still no excuse for how he treats his Samoan girlfriends!
-The “ Pheromone, Let My Penis Go!!” Cappy

For the copycats: micron pigma pen 05, prismacolor markers, sharpie marker, shaded pencil with shading stump.

Description
====================
Cappy’s Random Rant
====================
Look. Fellas. In my opinion, whether you masturbate or not…don’t tell anybody. Especially me. I cannot stress that enough. Cappy ain’t your fappy buddy. When guys tell me “Dude, ‘American Pie’ is one of my favorite movies!” all my brain does is ponder “Crap, did I shake this guy’s hand?! Oh my god I used his computer to check my email!! I gotta get home and stick my arm in rubbing alcohol until I can feel no more.”

Now conversely (that means opposite!), if you’re a woman who presses your button as if you’re trying to execute Sub Zero’s Fatality…GO TELL EVERYBODY. Especially me. I cannot stress that enough.
That’s awesome.
You’re awesome.
Go blog about it, create some dioramas and flowcharts about it, make a YouTube video…you can probably make a good living on the Internet with this talent.

What, I may be the nicest guy you know but I’m still a guy!

I’m becoming increasingly aware at how candid women are about their ‘toy’ collection with me.
I FULLY ENDORSE THIS MOTION.
No, not the Transformer kind of toys…although they do tend to keep them in disguise (it’s uh, my dong-shaped back massager, just put it down!). After listening to gal pals talk about the origin of their boy-toy-minus-the-annoying-boy, I had another epiphany. Most of you chicks get yours as a gift from friends. Women have this ability to get intimate with each other in a way that SHOULD register as lesbianism but doesn’t quite.
“Hey Sally! Let me feel your boobs and we’ll figure out what bra size you need!”
“Com’mon Laura, let’s go panty shopping and pose for each other in a non sexual way!”
As I said, you’re just that talented. And now I’ve added another citation:
“Hiya Molly. Just thinkin’ bout ya masturbating, so I picked this up for ya!”

If a guy does that, and wants to HELP the other guy in that endeavor, they’ll be on the steps of a San Franciscan church in a month, about to start a wonderful new life together.

And since I made mention of that awful ‘American Pie’ film that’s spawned so many syphilis sequels… The only highlight of its many shortcomings (bah dum cha) was that hot girl who found it a-okay to start jilling off on some stranger’s bed. Because I’m the rational type, I was mostly distracted by the glaring obviousness that men wrote this script. Of course this is data to my early hypothesis how awesome it is if men walked in on this event. Because, if it were the opposite event…ladies, I assume it would be infinitely less sexy if you walked in and saw Frank humping away at your ‘My Little Pony’ pillow.
MY GOD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO SKY ROCKET?!

Note: Cappy went on ebay and has ‘my little pony’ in his browser history just to pull off the last joke for you.

====================
Cappy’s Rockin’ Rendition
====================
We don’t have a cure for cancer, diabetes, or AIDS. We can’t get rid of a cold, and doctors still have no clue how headaches are produced. But we’ll be damned if Grandpa goes without an erection for forty eight hours! Crispy Christ Crackers, we have all these medical resources devoted to making sure old men can puncture sheet metal with their crotch. A comedian once said “Now that we have a pill that can give eighty-year-olds an erection, they’re now working on a pill that will get women EXCITED at seeing an eighty-year-old’s gnarled twig”.

Note to the future Mrs. Cappy: you better find me and marry me while the getting’s good; cuz when Cap Cod dries up, that’s it! I am so looking forward to when that thing breaks down! Ladies, you have no idea what it’s like for men, to be little perverted bastards around the clock. It is a private hell…in the privates. Heck, my junk practically wrote that retarded rant up above.

I guess it stems bio-historically from men being at the ready to propagate the species, while women have moods so as to not overpopulate the world in a weekend. But nowadays, men just have to deal with this tyrant in their trousers, a dictator in their Dockers, a prime minister in the pantaloons, a drill sergeant in the Dungarees! T’is a Cold War and a cold shower.
This evil creature is such a little dick (figuratively of course). It cannot be reasoned with, there is no reason for it to exist.

Cappy Jr: Aw snap! Is that clam chowder?! Sizzler buffets have an amazing selection huh?
Cappy: What the fu--go away! There’s nothing even remotely sexy going on here!

One day…I shall be free. And it will be a glorious day.
Girl: Can you help me with my homework, it’s just EVER SO hard *bends at a slight angle to create a teepee of cleavage at eyelevel*
Me: HAHA, your magical mammaries have influence on me no more, witch! Go ask your boyfriend to help you, and if he can’t then you invested in the wrong head wakka wakka!

About the art. I’m gonna make it a sausage party in this usual clambake! About ninety percent of my watchers are women. This of course, proves women to be vastly superior in their sense of humor. Even though…I’M a guy who’s creating the art women laugh at, so does that mean…ow my brain. So I asked for my three male watchers to volunteer, and Mister Nanimbej nanimbej.deviantart.com volunteered his mug to forever live in Cappy’s Gallery. He will probably never volunteer for anything ever again, sorry food bank!
And my apologies if Nanimbej really does have a busted wiener.
It’s still no excuse for how he treats his Samoan girlfriends!
-The “ Pheromone, Let My Penis Go!!” Cappy

For the copycats: micron pigma pen 05, prismacolor markers, sharpie marker, shaded pencil with shading stump.